Stolen Halo
by Orange-Green
Summary: One night changes Santana and Brittany's lives. This is a story of how they recover together. Brittana
1. Chapter 1

A/N – I'm back with another story dealing with sexual abuse. The majority of the story will deal with the after effects and how Brittany and Santana cope. The beginning of each chapter will break down the event, a few flashbacks will be out of order but it should be easy enough to follow.

The title comes from a country song by Big and Rich. I'm not a huge fan of country but I thought the song was good. I don't own anything you recognize. For now the rating is T for some F-bombs but as it goes on I'll probably up it. I'm honestly a little nervous posting this, but here we go.

Stolen Halo

_Prologue_

Brittany rarely cried.

Even after everything Santana put her through in high school, and God knows she put her through a lot, she never cried. When Santana coldly informed the blonde that she wasn't making out with her because she loved her, Brittany didn't cry. She simply stuffed the pain away and carried on with her sunny disposition. Sure she pouted a bit but she moved on and found a new duet partner.

When Santana stepped in and drove a wedge between Artie and Brittany causing him to break up with her, the blonde didn't cry. Her lower lip trembled when she relayed the happenings to the brunette, how he basically accused her of taking advantage of him and stealing his virginity. Santana had been furious at the boy and while Brittany was clearly upset, she didn't cry.

When the realization came that Santa couldn't actually make Artie walk again as she had hoped once they had gotten back together, Brittany again didn't cry. A little of her faith in goodness and magic was diminished, but the blonde soldiered on with a smile.

Even through grueling Cheerios sessions and hateful words from Coach Sylvester Brittany didn't cry. When the New Directions were certain their days had come to an end due to losing Regionals, the blonde was crushed but tears did not flow. Not even when they sang to Mr. Schuester in the auditorium.

Brittany came close to crying the day Santana timidly approached her at her locker and declared her love. Seeing her normally hard and stoic best friend so vulnerable made the blonde's heart clench painfully. Brittany wanted nothing more than to take Santana into her arms and hold her, kissing away all her fears and insecurities. Even as her soul filled with a new hope at a future with Santana, Brittany couldn't ignore the nagging fear in the back of her mind that the brunette would only hurt her again. She couldn't risk being left alone as she had in the past so she painfully, and as gently as possible, rejected Santana. It had nearly broken her.

Everyone knew Brittany for her carefree countenance and happy go lucky existence. She was almost always smiling, and if she wasn't, she was usually giving an adorable pout or a look of confusion that was equally endearing. Life for the most part was good and people at heart were good, even when they did things that hurt others. Those instances were the exception to the rule that people in general were good. The blonde simply couldn't bring herself to believe otherwise.

So the day that Brittany crumbled into Santana's arms and sobbed as if all hope was lost, the brunette was terrified. There in the middle of the kitchen of the Lopez family lake house, Brittany shattered and for the first time in years, Santana's confidence was shredded and she could only gather the blonde into her arms and let her own tears flow.

xxxx

Chapter 1

"_Come on Britt, let's cut through."_

_Santana came to a stop and tugged on her girlfriend's hand, pulling her toward the darkened alley. They were walking home and the sun had set a short time ago and Santana wanted to take the shortcut through the alley to their apartment._

"_No S." Brittany said with a frown. "I don't like going that way, it's so dark and spooky. Let's just go around. Its not that much longer."_

_Santana Lopez couldn't help but roll her eyes slightly at Brittany's pout. "Come on B. There's nothing spooky about it. Besides, if we go around it's a whole extra half hour before we get home and can get our cuddle on."_

_Brittany pursed her lips as if deep in thought, her head tilted to the side slightly. Santana smirked and sidled up closer, running a hand suggestively up the blonde's thigh. "And," the brunette purred. "I'm just not sure I can wait that long to get you home to myself."_

_Brittany whimpered slightly as she felt Santana's warm breath on her neck. The blonde felt a shiver as her heat began to rise. "Um, ok San."_

_Santana smiled at her girlfriend's wide blue eyes. She licked her lips, already thinking of getting the blonde into bed as she pulled them into the alley. The two were giggling and bumping each other with their shoulders gently, lost in each other's smiles, and didn't notice the figure step out of the shadows in front of them._

"_Evening ladies." The man said in a low voice with a sly grin._

_Santana immediately tensed and pulled Brittany closer to her side. The blonde however was oblivious and grinned, giving a small wave to the intruder. "Hi." She said cheerfully._

_Santana narrowed her eyes in the man's direction before tightening her grip on Brittany's hand and attempting to step around the man in their path._

"_Get lost perv." The brunette muttered as she tried to push past him. _

_The man simply stepped back and to the side, again cutting in front of them. "Hey now, what's your rush? I'm just being friendly."_

"_Listen buddy," Santana said harshly, "get out of our way, we're not interested in anything you think you might have to offer. Now back the fuck off."_

_The man chuckled but didn't move out of the way. He was about their age, late twenties, but towered over them both. He rubbed at his jaw as if thinking. "That's pretty rude." He finally replied, eying Santana up and down. His eyes narrowed and glancing over their shoulders, gave a slight nod._

_Santana registered Brittany's gasp from her position slightly behind her and she spun, seeing a second man grab the blonde around her waist and attempt to pull her away. The Latina snarled and flung herself toward the man who had his hands on her girlfriend._

xxxx

When Santana cracked open her eyes; she was alone in a hospital bed, a curtain stretched around and cutting her off from the bustle she heard nearby.

"Hey!" She called out hoarsely, trying to lift herself up from the bed. "Somebody better come tell me what the fuck is going on!" She would have smirked at the thought of her voice finally returning if she wasn't feeling such desperation to locate Brittany.

A reluctant nurse popped her head inside the curtain and informed the Latina that someone would be by shortly to chat with her. A half an hour later Santana was seething when Quinn stepped around toward the bed.

The blonde could tell Santana was fuming at having been left in the dark for so long. "Hey San, how are you feeling?"

"Where is she Quinn?" Santana hissed. "Where's Brittany? Is she ok, I need to see her! What the fuck is going on?"

"She's going to be ok San." Quinn replied softly. "No broken bones but a lot bad bruises. She's resting; they've got her pretty sedated."

The way Quinn was shifting slightly and her jaw muscles clenched, Santana knew there was something more she wasn't saying. Quinn and Santana had been friends and then enemies and then friends again all throughout the years but there was no denying that even in their off years, the two knew each other. The only person who could read Santana better was Brittany and by the look on the brunette's face, Quinn knew she saw the wheels turning in her mind.

"What aren't you telling me?" Santana finally asked lowly. "Just spit it out already."

Quinn nodded and settled onto the edge of the bed, reaching for Santana's hand. The two were close but left the physical affection to Brittany. Santana was immediately apprehensive as Quinn gently stroked her palm.

The blonde sighed. "The thing is…the police…we need to-"

"You need evidence." Santana breathed out stiffly.

Quinn clenched her jaw again and nodded. "Santana, I swear, I'll make sure she's ok. I'll be there with her. She's just been pretty upset and out of it still so I wanted to run it by you first. I just wanted you to be aware."

"Fine. You do whatever you have to. Make sure she's ok and get everything possible to nail the fucker who did this to her. But it better be quick because I swear to God Quinn…"

"I'll make sure. I'll take care of her Santana, I promise." Quinn said solemnly. "I love her too."

Santana nodded, giving Quinn's hand a brief squeeze. "When do I get to see her? I need to be with her Quinn."

"I know." Quinn replied softly, wiping a stray tear quickly. "You have to go for an X-Ray but right after that, I promise. Just try to get a little rest ok?"

Santana found herself alone again. She struggled to keep her mind from wandering back to the events of the night but she couldn't shake the image of Brittany's eyes wide with pain and fear.

xxxx

Apparently at some point, Santana herself was given a sedative and when she woke again, her head was thick and foggy. She growled when her mind finally cleared because more time had been wasted that she could have, _should_ have, been with Brittany.

She hissed as she tried to pull herself upright. Her head was still pounding but she needed to get to Brittany. She swung her legs over the side of the bed with a groan. When she finally raised her eyes, Quinn was sitting beside the bed, watching with a quirked brow.

"Take me to Brittany." Santana insisted. "How long have we been here? She's been alone this whole fucking time?"

"Take it easy." Quinn replied calmly. "She's been asleep pretty much the whole time. They're keeping her sedated. And she's not alone, Rachel is with her."

Santana nodded; relieved that at least Brittany wasn't alone. But she still ached to see her. She needed to see for herself that the blonde was all right. "I need to see her."

Quinn sighed warily. "Santana, I'm not sure you should be out of bed. You did get the shit beaten out of you too if you remember."

"Quinn, you have no fucking idea…you either take me to her or get the fuck out of my way!" Santana hopped from the bed but swayed slightly as a wave of dizziness washed over. Quinn was there in an instant to steady her.

"I'm not going to fight you Santana. Just give me a second to make sure we can get in. I gotta round you up a wheelchair, you're not walking anywhere."

The blonde pulled out her cell phone and typed out a quick message before helping Santana dress into a robe. She then slipped out and returned a few seconds later pushing a wheelchair she had commandeered from an orderly.

"Ugh." Santana groaned as she settled into the chair. "I'm having horrible flashbacks to hoveround when he thought he could woo my woman."

Quinn chuckled as she pushed Santana out and toward the elevator. "No life crisis can shake the bitch out of you. It's a comfort really."

Santana smirked but the light mood couldn't last. Quinn pushed them off of the elevator and down a fairly secluded hall.

"Why are we on different floors?" Santana asked quietly.

"They just want to keep a closer eye on her." Quinn replied vaguely.

Santana twisted in the chair to look back at her friend. "Why? What's going on Quinn?"

"She's…been incoherent. She's been fighting off the doctors. They had to sedate her."

The brunette clenched her jaw, the images of the assault forcing their way back into her mind even though she fought to keep them at bay. "That son of a bitch…he…you have no idea Quinn."

Quinn squeezed Santana's shoulder as they came to a stop outside of a closed door. They quietly slipped inside and Santana abandoned the chair almost immediately and shuffled closer to the bed. Rachel was sitting in a chair by the bed looking pale and chewing on her fingernail absentmindedly. Santana barely acknowledged her presence.

Quinn moved to Rachel's side, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Rachel stood as Quinn approached and the blonde frowned at the tears that were sparkling on her cheeks. "Rach?" Quinn asked quietly.

"She's ok." Rachel said quietly. "She's sleeping."

Santana moved closer to the bed slowly, her eyes glued to Brittany's bruised face. When she reached for the blonde's hand, she realized Brittany was positioned at an awkward angle on the bed. Her wrists were fastened to the bed, cuffs restricting her arms to the bed rails.

"What the fuck?" Santana hissed, turning toward Rachel and Quinn. "You let them fucking tie her down? After what she's been through? You let them fucking tie her up?"

"San." Quinn warned lowly, her grip on Rachel tightening.

Rachel tensed but didn't back down. "She was trying to rip her IV out. The doctors were afraid she was going to hurt herself so they restrained her. What was I supposed to do? They couldn't let her hurt herself Santana!"

Santana growled and turned back to Brittany, running her hands over the cuffs gently. The blonde was resting fitfully but didn't seem aware of her presence. Santana quickly unsnapped the cuffs and gently placed Brittany's hands on the bed.

"Shit babe." Santana muttered, reverently caressing Brittany's bruised cheek. "Try to relax Britt. You need to rest babe, don't fight."

Brittany's fluttering eyelids seemed to calm and still. A sigh escaped her lips and she seemed to drift into a more peaceful sleep.

"Speaking of rest…" Quinn interrupted. "You need to get back to bed yourself Santana."

Without taking her eyes from Brittany, Santana shook her head, clenching her eyes shut when the movement caused a wave of dizziness to quickly wash over her. She exhaled slowly before opening her eyes again. "I'm not leaving her."

"Santana-"

"No!" The brunette said sharply. "I'm not leaving her Quinn. She…she could have left me but she stayed and look where she is now. I'm not leaving her now when she needs me most."

Quinn stepped closer and gently gripped Santana's arm. "I was just going to suggest maybe you should sit down. Preferably before you fall down. You look like shit."

A smiled finally tugged at Santana's lips as she allowed Rachel to scoot a chair closer. She sat, still close enough to keep Brittany's hand in her own.

xxxx

Being a pediatrician in town, Quinn Fabray had quite a few connections and friends in the hospital. She finally convinced the staff to have a cot brought into Brittany's room to allow Santana to remain by her side. Santana had to promise to actually sleep before Quinn would actually allow the bed to be brought in however.

The next morning, Santana was officially released. Noah Puckerman had stopped to check on them and practically had to carry her out of the hospital to go home simply to shower. The brunette only consented when Puck pointed out that Brittany would need a few things from their apartment and he promised to bring her back in a few short hours.

A much more refreshed Santana strode into the hospital room a few hours later to find Quinn on duty by Brittany's bedside.

"How is she?" Santana asked, moving to the bed.

Quinn smiled sadly. "She's been asleep the whole time. She started to get restless so they gave her another sedative."

Santana clenched her jaw. "They can't fucking sedate her forever."

"She needs to rest San." Quinn replied softly. She moved to stand next to the Latina before dropping a hand to her shoulder.

Santana reached and covered Quinn's hand with the one that wasn't latched onto Brittany. "I know that. But she needs to wake up so we can start sorting this mess out."

"What do you have planned?"

Santana exhaled and reached to gently brush her fingers over the blonde's bruised cheek. "We're gonna go away for a while. To my parents' lake house. You know Brittany needs time to process things. I want her to be able to do that in a quiet, safe environment. She loves the lake house and my parents said we could have it as long as we need. My mother is going to cover anything that comes up in the office and Britt has time off from the studio."

After Santana graduated from law school, joining her mother's law firm had not been her ideal place of employment. But now, with her family about to cover for her, Santana couldn't help but think it had been one of her best decisions.

Quinn squeezed Santana's shoulder. "San, are you sure it's a good idea for you two to be alone? I mean; she might need-"

"I know what she needs Quinn." Santana said firmly. "We've been together our whole lives, I know how to help her. Sure I messed up in high school, but I know her. I know what she needs."

"San, no one doubts you're the only one who knows how to get her through this. I'm just worried you're taking too much on alone. I'm worried about you too." Quinn said softly.

Santana finally turned to meet the blonde's eye. She tried to smile. "I'm fine Quinn, really. I swore in that alley that no matter what happened, I was going to get her through this and I am. I know what I'm doing."

"I know you do. But you better not cut me out of this Santana. I want to be there for you guys too. If you do go, you have to promise to call every day."

Santana felt tears stinging her eyes as she saw concern all over Quinn's face. She was immediately grateful that they had mended their relationship and pulled her friend in for a tight embrace. "Thank you. Thanks for being here."

The brunette cleared her throat, awkward and slightly embarrassed at her display of emotion.

Quinn just tightened her hold. "I love you both." She said simply.

Santana pulled away and tried to wipe away a tear before Quinn could see. She finally shooed the blonde out of the room and settled into the chair next to Brittany's bed. She talked softly to her girlfriend's still form and gently stroked her fingertips up and down her arm. Finally, later in the afternoon, Brittany cracked open her sleep swollen lids with a soft moan.

"San?" she whispered, her eyes suddenly wide, frightened, and darting around searching for Santana.

"Hey." Santana replied, quickly jumping to her feet and leaning to hover into the blonde's line of vision. She pulled Brittany's hand to her lips, kissing it softly. "I'm right here Brittany."

Brittany's vision finally seemed to focus and she gazed up at the Latina intently. "You ok? Did he…Sanny?"

"I'm fine babe, I'm fine." Santana quickly replied, leaning forward to press her lips to Brittany's forehead. "You don't have to worry about me babe."

"You're ok? Promise? San?" Brittany whimpered. She closed her eyes and shivered.

Santana cupped her cheek gently, tears once again stinging her eyes. "I promise. Don't be scared babe."

"San, I'm…I-" Brittany clenched her eyes tightly and let out a shaky breath.

"I know. I know; I'm here. It's ok, you're safe now Britt. You're safe and I swear, I'm going to take care of you." Santana said softly.

Brittany tried to sit up but cried out in pain and dropped back onto the pillows. "Ow." She whined pitifully.

"That's your ribs babe." Santana said trying to help settle her back in comfortably. "You're going to be just fine. No broken bones. I know it hurts but you're going to be ok. I'm not going anywhere Brittany, I'm going to take care of you."

The blonde nodded before turning away, her body beginning to tremble. "It really hurt San." She said, her voice barely a whisper.

"I know babe." Santana returned, stroking Brittany's cheeks with her thumbs. "Britt, I'm so sorry. I…I love you. And I swear, I'm going make this better."

"I love you too San." Brittany said softly. "Maybe, maybe we could not talk about it right now?"

Santana nodded, feeling her stomach twist into knots. "Ok Britt. But…but I want to go away for a while, just you and me. To my parents' lake house. I think we could both use the quiet. What do you think? Is that ok, just for a little while?"

Brittany shrugged slightly, already feeling sleep pulling at her again. "Yeah, ok San. I love that place."

Santana choked back a sob as Brittany drifted away again. She pressed the blonde's hand to her lips again and wondered just how her life had gotten so fucked up.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N – thanks for the alerts and for reading in general. I doubt another update will come until the end of the week. The story is about 90% written but I want to finish it before I post too much and I have a busy week ahead. This will be the last T rated chapter. Thanks!

Chapter 2

"_You get your fucking hands off of her!" Santana yelled._

_Santana connected a fist to the second man's cheek and his grip on Brittany loosened. The man seemed surprised. He was young, barely twenty but Santana barely spared him a glance as she wrenched the blonde out of his grip. Just as she turned to rush them both out of the alley, the first man grabbed for her, thrusting a shoulder into her stomach. She felt the wind rush out of her._

"_Run Brittany!" Santana grunted out as she felt the man practically lifting her off the ground with the force of his impact._

_Brittany looked pained at the sight of the man ramming himself into Santana. She stood frozen, her eyes wide._

"_Brittany, run!" Santana cried again, feeling panic creeping in for the first time. The blonde clenched her jaw and stepped closer to the brunette, her fists clenched as well. Before she could reach Santana, the second man reached for her again and pulled her further back into the shadows of the alley._

"_No!" Santana screamed, throwing her elbows and kicking wildly. The man grunted as her elbow connected with his gut. She broke free, desperate to get to Brittany who was also struggling against her own captor. Before she could take more then a few steps, Santana felt the man jerk her backwards once again. She didn't have time to react before his fist connected with her jaw and she fell backwards. She barely registered the back of her head cracking against the curb as white-hot pain flared from her head down her neck._

_Santana crumbled onto the pavement and blood began to seep from her wound._

xxxx

Two days later, Brittany gripped the doorframe of the bathroom as she emerged; ready to be discharged. Santana smiled encouragingly and moved closer to offer her a hand, as she was still shaky on her feet.

The blonde was dressed in loose fitting sweat pants and a hooded sweatshirt. Santana stuffed the prescription bottles into her jacket as she moved closer to Brittany.

"Ready to go babe?"

Brittany seemed distracted but nodded, her eyes on the floor. Quinn stood hovering by the doorway. She moved closer when Santana glanced over toward her.

"You two promise to call right?" Quinn asked skeptically. "You've got the number of the therapist Dr. Lopez found for you right? I swear to God Santana, either of you get a paper cut, you call me, do you understand?"

Santana smiled, clutching Brittany's arm. "We'll call every day, I promise."

Brittany was settled into a wheelchair and escorted to the exit. When Santana left to bring her car closer to the door so Brittany wouldn't have to try to walk as far, she returned to find both blondes hugging. Quinn had tears streaming down her face and Brittany was sniffling as she chewed her bottom lip and patted the other woman's back.

Santana kept the car running and opened the passenger door before stepping closer to Brittany to help her settle into the vehicle with Quinn's help. When the brunette got settled into the driver side, she glanced over at Brittany. The blonde was trembling slightly and staring out the window. Santana fished out the Xanax bottle and shook one into her hand. She raised it to the blonde's lips and then offered a bottle of water she had stowed away in the cup holder.

"Here you go babe. Nap time as soon as your drugs kick in. Just relax. You sleep and I'll drive. Not a bad deal for you right?"

Brittany's lip quirked in a half smile as she swallowed the pill and settled back against the seat. A few minutes later, as Santana was pulling onto the freeway to head toward their destination, Brittany mumbled softly. "Thanks San."

Santana glanced over, watching as the pills began to take effect. "For what babe?"

"For being my drug dealer."

Santana chuckled as the blonde drifted off.

xxxx

Santana pulled the vehicle to a stop outside of her family lake house. Brittany had slept most of the drive due to her Xanax dosage. In fact, she was still out cold when Santana shut the vehicle off and glanced at the house through the window.

"B?" she called softly, gently nudging the blonde's knee. "We're here."

Brittany muttered something under her breath before blearily cracking her eyes open. She was still completely dazed. Santana chuckled as she exited and crossed over to the blonde's side of the car. Propping the door open she timidly reached for Brittany's hand.

"What do you say we get you inside where you can lay down?"

"Sounds good." Brittany slurred as Santana pulled her from the car.

The brunette pulled one of Brittany's arms over her shoulder as she attempted to keep the blonde upright. "Ok, but first, I need you to walk for me ok?"

"Sure San." The blonde mumbled, sagging against Santana. "Piece of pie…walkin'."

Santana chuckled as she attempted to maneuver the blonde inside. Finally, after a few near face-plants, the Latina gently settled Brittany onto the couch in the living area of the home.

"You ok to rest here while I bring in the bags?" The brunette asked softly, kneeling by the couch.

Brittany's nose twitched slightly. Eyes still firmly closed, she nodded once. "Yeah, I'm good." She mumbled.

Santana smiled tenderly and dropped a kiss to Brittany's forehead before heading back out to the car. As she placed the last of their bags inside the doorway, Santana closed and locked the door behind her. She glanced around her family's lake home. She immediately remembered happy summers spent in the home with her parents and older brother. Even long weekends spent with Brittany here.

Santana knew Brittany loved this house. The large back deck overlooked the lake. Currently, the setting sun was casting an orange glow over the calm waters and Santana sighed. If there was anywhere the two could reconnect and heal, it would be here, the brunette was certain. She unpacked their bags and had their bedroom situated before Brittany roused from her position on the couch.

"Britt?" Santana called softly. "B, are you awake baby?"

Brittany whimpered softly as she turned onto her side to face the brunette. She cracked her eyes open about halfway, still unfocused from sleep and medication. Santana smiled and sat, waiting for the blonde to regain her senses. When she was certain Brittany was focused, Santana reached and brushed blonde hair back from her forehead.

"Hi." Brittany croaked.

"Hey B." Santana replied softly. "You think you could eat some soup if I made it?"

The blonde shrugged. "I dunno. My stomach is kind of icky."

Santana nodded sympathetically. The antibiotics and medications Brittany had been placed on to help ward off any sexually transmitted diseases were leaving the blonde's stomach queasy. Not to mention the pain medications that left her with no energy and little to no appetite.

"I know B." Santana replied. "But you've got to eat. It'll actually help the drugs settle better. Please? For me?"

Brittany quirked a brow and finally sighed, raising her hand with her left thumb and forefinger apart slightly. Santana smiled and reached for the blonde's hand, pulling it toward her to press her lips to it gently. "That's my girl." She whispered.

She eyed the kitchen when she entered, hoping her parents had made good on their promise to stock the place when they agreed to allow the two of them to use the home. Santana opened the pantry and smiled at the overloaded shelves that met her eye. They had more than enough to see them through the next month comfortably. The brunette pulled a can of chicken noodle soup out and quickly set about preparing a small dinner.

A few minutes later, Santana settled a tray on the coffee table across from the couch where Brittany was once again dozing.

"Britt? Ready to eat a little for me?"

Brittany cracked her eyes open once again and eyed the tray. "I'm not really hungry San."

"I know babe." Santana returned quietly. "But just try to eat a little, please?"

Brittany winced as she pulled herself to a seated position with Santana's help. The brunette allowed her fingertips to gently graze the blonde's still fresh bruises on her face. Brittany caught Santana's sad gaze and reached to cover the brunette's hand with her own. She pulled tan fingers to her lips and kissed them gently.

Santana felt her breath hitch. She fought the sting of tears as she and Brittany both smiled sadly. With a sigh, she reached and brought a bowl of soup closer for Brittany to hold. When she offered the blonde a saltine cracker to add to the soup, Brittany declined but did raise the spoon to her lips, blowing on the hot liquid.

Santana settled on the end of the couch across from Brittany and tasted her own soup. "Not too bad I suppose." She mumbled. "It's kind of boring but it'll do I guess."

"It's hard to mess up soup San." Brittany said softly. "Besides, you're like an amazing chief. I hate recipes but you're good with them."

"Chef, B." Santana corrected with a chuckle. "And thanks. I agree with you, recipes suck. I'm just lucky my mom taught me to cook without them. And I promise to redeem myself and my kitchen skills, this is just a quick fix."

Brittany blinked slowly but didn't respond. She seemed lost in thought as she stirred the soup with the spoon. Finally she sighed. "San, you know I love this place but…why are we here?"

"Well my parents offered…" Santana bit her lip timidly and scooted closer to the blonde. "I just thought we both needed a little time. I'm certainly not ready to just jump back into work and I assumed…I just thought we could spend some time together. I just…I want, no, I _need_ to do something B. I want to take care of you. I can't change what happened Brittany. But I can give you this place to just…be."

Brittany exhaled long and hard. She tilted her head to the side and narrowed her eyes as she settled her blue eyes on the slight discoloration on Santana's cheek from where the man had struck her. The blonde sniffled, dropping her spoon back into the soup with a slight splatter.

"I love you Santana."

The brunette smiled and nodded. "I love you too babe. I'm pretty sure I could never tell you how much."

"I understand." Brittany said softly. "Words still give me trouble too sometimes."

Santana pressed another gentle kiss to Brittany's knuckles before scooting back to her side of the couch. A short while later when Santana cleared the bowls away to the kitchen, she smiled at the sight of more than half of Brittany's bowl empty and couldn't help but think they were making progress already.

It wasn't until that night when Brittany woke up thrashing and screaming that Santana realized just how far away from recovery they truly were.

xxxx

Within the first week at the lake home, the two fell into a sort of routine. Whenever they would wake in the morning, Santana would feed Brittany her morning medications and then wait by her side until they kicked in and the blonde would drift off into sleep again. Santana would then head to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for when she would wake again.

In the afternoons, Brittany would either rest and nap on the couch or chat on the phone with the therapist Santana's father had found for her. The brunette found herself hovering around the blonde just waiting to be needed. By the evening, the two almost always found themselves cuddled on the couch watching Disney movies or cartoons or whatever else the two were in the mood for.

Santana learned to be careful around Brittany and to not make any sudden movements. She knew to wait until the blonde was prepared to be touched before placing a hand on her shoulder or her knee. Santana realized firsthand that Brittany was jumpy when on the second morning she tried to hug the blonde from behind and received a backhand to the side of her head as Brittany turned with a yelp.

The nights continued to be a struggle with Brittany waking every few hours screaming and thrashing. Santana would have to hold the blonde tightly until she regained her senses enough to stop fighting. Then would come the tears. Brittany's sobs wracked her body and she would inevitably collapse in exhaustion as Santana held her tightly, whispering soft words of comfort. The tears pained Santana the most. She wasn't used to seeing the blonde cry.

The first time Brittany cried, really cried, after the attack, she and Santana had been lounging on the couch watching TV. Brittany had wandered into the kitchen to locate a bag of popcorn and was digging through the cabinets. When she realized she was holding a bottle of Jack Daniel's whiskey, she froze.

She saw the man take long swallows. She heard the glass shatter as the bottle was tossed aside. She smelled the strong liquor on his breath as he hovered over her, panting into her neck and face.

Santana heard the glass shatter in the kitchen and rushed in to find Brittany huddled on the floor, her hands fisted into her hair and rocking back and forth. Tears were streaming down her pale face. Santana quickly gathered the blonde into her arms and tried to comfort her but Brittany's sobs were shaking her entire frame. Santana wasn't certain how long they sat there holding each other. She only knew that when she finally helped the blonde to bed, the sun had long since set.

Santana kept her word and called Quinn every day with an update. The two usually chatted for a few minutes about what was going on both ends. Quinn would always ask Santana to give Brittany a hug and kiss for her and to tell her she loved her. Brittany would smile sleepily before settling back onto the couch or one of the deck chairs on a particularly nice evening.

Brittany and Santana had been at the lake house for a little over a week when Santana's phone chirped with a text message. She glanced at it as she handed Brittany her morning meds. The message from Quinn simply asked Santana to call when she got the chance.

Santana quirked a brow at her phone before setting it aside and helping Brittany settle back onto the pillows. "You going to sleep a little longer babe?" she asked softly.

The blonde nodded slightly, eyes already drifting closed. "Just til things aren't so fuzzy."

"Ok Britt." Santana replied with a smile. "You do your drug coma thing and I'll check on you in a little while ok?"

"Mmhmm."

Santana chuckled before picking up her phone and moving over to the doorway that led out onto the deck overlooking the lake. Quinn picked up on the first ring.

"Hey San." She said softly. "How was your night?"

Santana thought back to the three times Brittany had woken in a panic, screaming. She grimaced but decided to spare their friend the details. "Not too bad. How are things there?"

Quinn paused as if trying to decide whether or not to believe Santana's words. "Fine." She finally answered. "Rachel asks about you guys every day. She's worried. Mercedes and Tina call every day too. We're all worried about you guys."

"I know, and I appreciate it." Santana replied softly. "But she needs time away from everything. She needs time to get her thoughts together and understand what happened. She needs me and I need her."

"I know that." Quinn returned quietly. "So…do you have a minute to talk? Away from Britt?"

Santana inhaled sharply. With a glance over her shoulder toward the bedroom door, the brunette moved out onto the deck. "Sure. B's sleeping. I take it you have news?"

Santana could practically see Quinn's thoughtful look on the other end of the line. The other blonde finally sighed. "Yeah…they caught him. Or them I should say. A woman fought a guy off and gave a description to the police. Said a second guy was there, a younger guy. They found them and brought them in and that kid spilled about everything. Apparently he admitted to attacking two other women and the descriptions matched you and Britt."

Santana slumped against the deck railing, relief mixing with rage. She was trembling and her hand threatened to drop the phone.

"San? Are you there?"

Santana cleared her throat and swallowed down tears. "I'm here." She choked out hoarsely.

Quinn sighed and continued. "They're brothers. Not that it helps but the younger guy, Rick, he cried and confessed everything."

Santana laughed wryly. "You're right, doesn't really help, not after what they did. They both hurt her Quinn."

"I know." Quinn said softly. "But at least he's showing remorse. Doesn't sound like his brother is. Apparently this James McCreery guy has quite a history. He's been linked to five other attacks. One woman…she died San. There's a murder charge against him in another state. A state where he could get the death penalty…"

"I hope he fucking fries!" Santana spit vehemently.

"San." Quinn gasped.

Santana gripped the phone tighter. "No, I mean it. That son of a bitch deserves it. I'd kill him myself if I could…if Britt didn't need me with her."

"She does Santana and don't you forget it." Quinn replied, almost harshly. "The thing is, he's agreed to plead guilty to everything and get tested and disclose the results in the hopes that he won't be extradited, they both did. I just want to make sure you follow…they're being tested today. Within a few days you can know for sure that they didn't give Britt anything. Do you understand San?"

Santana clenched her jaw. "I got it Quinn. In a few days we'll know whether or not this fucker had any STD's but in the meantime, Britt has to keep taking drugs that make her sick and fucking miserable just on the off chance this guy gave her something. I get it."

"San-"

"Thanks for calling Quinn." Santana interrupted, every muscle clenched tightly. "I gotta go. I'll call you later tonight ok?"

Santana hung up before Quinn could answer. Gazing out across the lake, the brunette pulled her light sweater tighter around her body. She should have been relieved that the man had been caught but all Santana wanted to do was throw things and scream.

Santana wasn't sure how long she stood there, leaning over the deck railing, before she heard a slight shuffling behind her. She turned to see Brittany in a baggy sweatshirt and workout pants, shuffling from one foot to the other. Santana tried to smile at the blonde but found she couldn't do more than grimace.

"Hi San." Brittany said softly. "I tried to make us toast. But the microwave didn't do it right."

"Toast goes in the toaster B, not the microwave." Santana replied. "I'm sorry, I'll be in to fix breakfast in a minute."

Brittany smiled sadly and shook her head. "No, it's ok. I'm not really hungry, I just thought I'd fix it for you…You're sad."

At Brittany's plaintive tone, Santana sighed. There was no use in trying to hide from Brittany. She allowed any lie she thought about reciting die on her lips. "I'm a little upset Britt. But I'm ok. I just talked to Quinn."

Brittany nodded solemnly. "She had news?"

Santana clenched her jaw and turned her gaze back out across the lake. "Yeah. She did. They caught the guys who hurt you."

She heard Brittany sigh behind her and then heard her shuffle closer. The blonde dropped a hand onto Santana's forearm and squeezed gently. "The guys who hurt us you mean?" After another squeeze, Brittany let go of Santana and clasped her own hands, leaning against the railing mirroring Santana's position.

"They're being tested today. So in a few days we'll know for sure you're healthy. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Brittany continued to stare out across the water and shrugged a shoulder noncommittally. Santana eyed her cautiously and cleared her throat before continuing. "B, as soon as we find out these guys don't have any diseases or anything, we'll know you're not going to get sick. Remember Ms. Holliday's Sex Ed. class? We studied about sexually transmitted diseases. As soon as we know they're healthy, we'll know you are too."

Brittany shrugged again but gave a slight nod that she understood. The two stood quietly for a time before the blonde spoke up. "So I could stop taking the pills that make my stomach hurt?"

"Yeah B, you could stop taking those."

The blonde furrowed her brow. "But what if I stopped taking them and I really was sick? Could I make you sick? I don't want to make you sick San!"

"Babe," Santana said gently. "Once the doctors say you're clear you won't have to worry. They wouldn't tell you to stop taking the meds if it wasn't safe. You trust my dad right? We'll make sure he looks everything over. And don't worry about me Britt ok?"

Santana watched as Brittany continued to think, her eyes lowered to where her hands were tugging at her sweatshirt nervously. "But San…what if one of them is sick? What if I'm sick? If I'm sick then I could get you sick-"

"Brittany," Santana replied firmly. She waited for the blonde to look at her before reaching for her hands to avoid frightening her. "Brittany, you're not going to get sick. You're going to be fine ok? But if something happens and you do get sick, we'll deal with it together. It won't change how much I love you and I'm not going anywhere. But don't worry about me babe."

Brittany chewed her bottom lip but finally raised her eyes to meet Santana's intense gaze. The blonde relaxed slightly as Santana squeezed her hands reassuringly. One corner of her mouth quirked slightly into a small smile.

"Can't help but worry about you San." She scooted closer to Santana and timidly pulled the shorter woman in for a hug. The brunette wrapped her arms around Brittany's thin frame and dropped her head to the blonde's shoulder. This was the closest contact Brittany had allowed since they arrived at the lake house. Santana smiled as she inhaled the scent of the blonde's shampoo.

"I love you Brittany."

Brittany tightened her grip on her girlfriend. "I love you too Santana."

xxxx

It rained that afternoon. The two were confined inside the house. Santana prepared dinner, which Brittany picked at and they then settled in to watch a movie. The blonde was eerily calm all afternoon, which unnerved Santana. She had expected some sort of reaction after the news settled in about their attacker being captured but Brittany remained quiet.

Santana hoped the calm would carry through the night and allow them both to get a full night's sleep but that night turned out to be the most difficult yet. Brittany woke in a panic and it took Santana a full five minutes before she could bring the blonde back to reality.

"It's ok baby, I'm here." She cooed. "You're safe here B, I promise."

Brittany was desperately clinging to Santana's t-shirt, both fists balled into the material on her back. The brunette held her just as tightly and tried to rock them gently while whispering nonsense words to try to calm her.

"I-it was bad San." Brittany stuttered, still gasping for air. "They had you and I couldn't get to you. They were…I couldn't help you!"

"It's alright B. It's over; we're safe. He's never going to touch you again. Just take deep breaths babe."

Santana glanced toward the clock on the bedside table and grimaced as she realized it had only been two hours since Brittany's last dosage of Xanax. They would have to simply wait this episode out.

Brittany was struggling to control her breathing as she shivered against Santana's body. Her grip finally relaxed and she flattened her palms against the Latina's back.

"San?" Brittany whispered.

"Yeah Britt?"

Brittany continued to pant slightly and was still shivering when she asked softly, "Do you believe in God San?"

The brunette had not been expecting this topic of conversation. She frowned slightly, tightening her arms around the shaking blonde. "Yeah babe, I do. How else could I ever explain having you in my life? I'm not that lucky."

Brittany's breathing continued to even out and Santana assumed she had finally fallen asleep. Before she could scoot them further down the bed to rest comfortably on the pillows, the blonde spoke again.

"But…if God gave us each other, he must be good right? But if he's good…why did he let this happen to us? I just don't understand Santana."

"I'm not sure I do either Brittany." Santana responded honestly. "I just know that sometimes people do really bad things. Doesn't mean we deserved to have this happen or that God was out to get us…it just happened. But we have each other and that's the important thing. We're going to take care of each other, right?"

"Right." Brittany whispered into Santana's t-shirt. "Know what I think?"

"What's that babe?" Santana replied.

"I think maybe he didn't get enough hugs as a kid. Maybe that's what made him so mean. That's kind of sad. Everyone should get hugs as a kid."

Santana clenched her jaw and exhaled slowly. She couldn't bring herself to care about what kind of a childhood their attacker had lived. But the fact that Brittany, sweet Brittany, sounded genuinely concerned made Santana's heart swell with love for the blonde all over again.

"San?" Brittany whispered once again.

Santana smiled tenderly in the dark and pressed a kiss to the top of her blonde head. "Yeah babe?"

"Will you sing to me?"

Santana felt tears stinging at Brittany's broken tone. She squeezed the blonde tighter and leaned back slightly to be able to see her face. "Of course I will if you want me to. Any requests?"

Brittany's blue eyes were still wide with pain and fright as she locked onto Santana's gaze. She shrugged slightly. "You pick San. Anything you sing sounds awesome."

"Damn straight it does." Santana replied with a smirk trying to lighten the mood. The edges of Brittany's eyes crinkled as she smiled slightly.

Santana pulled them back gently so they were nestled comfortably onto the pillows, her arms still secure around the blonde. Brittany sighed with her head on Santana's shoulder but didn't release her death grip.

"_When you try your best but you don't succeed._

_When you get what you want but not what you need._

_When you feel so tired but you can't sleep._

_Stuck in reverse._

_And the tears come streaming down your face._

_When you lose something you can't replace."_

Santana felt herself starting to choke on the words but she just tightened her grip as she felt Brittany seem to relax slightly.

"Lights will guide you home.

_And ignite your bones._

_And I will try to fix you."_

"I promise you I will learn from my mistakes." Santana whispered as Brittany finally went limp in her arms. "I'll try to fix you."

Santana kept her arms firmly around Brittany as the blonde finally drifted into peaceful slumber. She kept her own body still as sobs threatened to wrack her frame but with a clenched jaw, she allowed her silent tears to flow.

A/N – the song is "Fix You" by Coldplay, just FYI.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N – This is now rated M. This flashback is graphic, just as a warning. Sorry if it's too much, I'm not a good judge of these things and I'm almost always hesitant. Feel free to yell at me. This is my disclaimer/warning. Thanks for sticking with me. Also, I don't own a thing related to Glee. And lastly, I'm pretty much positive I won't be able to update again until Monday, I have to go out of town for work. Enough from me.

Chapter 3

"_Santana!" Brittany screamed, seeing the brunette lying limply on the ground. The younger man holding her also froze, allowing the blonde to break free and rush toward her girlfriend. She dropped to her knees next to Santana who still had not moved. "San? Santana, answer me!"_

"_Dude," the younger man muttered. "Did you kill her?"_

_The older, burly man growled and inched closer to the two women on the ground. "Fuck her, we'll just have our fun with the blonde."_

_Santana wanted to move. She wanted to pull herself up and show those two creeps how it was done in Lima Heights Adjacent. But she couldn't will herself to get up. She immediately thought paralysis was a very real possibility as she was unable to get her limbs to respond. Even when rough hands pulled Brittany away, Santana was unable to move from her crumpled position on the ground. While her mobility was diminished, unfortunately she was still acutely aware of her surroundings even through the dull ache and roar in her head._

_When Brittany was slung backwards and onto the ground, Santana saw. She saw as the burly man pawed at the blonde's clothing but she was unable to intervene. Santana watched as Brittany attempted to fight the man off, only to be backhanded roughly and pinned to the ground._

_Santana fought to remain conscious for no other reason than to hold onto Brittany's wide, frightened eyes as the man continued to rain blows onto her face and body in an attempt to subdue her. Santana whimpered as the blonde's eyes widened yet again when she realized the gravity of what was about to happen._

_Before the man could unbutton Brittany's jeans, she gave one final attempt to fight him off. Swinging her knee around trying to connect with him, he growled and landed a fist into the side of her face. He immediately followed with a strong, fierce blow to her ribs that left Brittany attempting to collapse in on herself. When the man pried her jeans away from her body, she no longer had the energy to fight._

_Santana could only clench her jaw and watch as her girlfriend was assaulted. Brittany let out a pained cry but kept her gaze firmly on Santana, both attempting to drown out the horror they were forced to be a part of._

_Suddenly, Brittany felt herself being jerked upright. "Come on Rick," the burley man panted, "get in on this."_

_He continued to thrust into Brittany as the younger man timidly inched forward. "Come on, what are you waiting for? Don't look so scared…she likes it. Don't you blondie?"_

_Brittany once again tried to gather her strength to fight away from the burly man but before she could, she screamed out in pain as she felt the younger man thrust into her from behind. _

_Santana felt tears stinging her eyes as she witnessed the assault but was helpless to stop it. When Brittany began to vomit from the pain of the attack, Santana was almost desperate to claw her way to her girlfriend but her body refused to cooperate. _

_Brittany was dropped back onto the ground and she immediately curled into herself as the two men withdrew, panting. She whimpered slightly and continued to retch as the two men eyed her, collecting themselves. _

"_James," the young man muttered, still short of breath and slightly pale. "That was…"_

_James, the burly man chuckled. "Yeah, it was. Toss me the bottle."_

_Rick straightened himself up and slipped into the shadows briefly before returning with a brown paper bag and pulled out a bottle of brown liquid. He tossed it to James who greedily chugged the liquor and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before pulling himself to his feet._

_James tossed the bottle aside, the glass shattering, and stepped closer to Santana. The brunette was still unable to force her body into mobility and she was helpless to do anything but stare as the large man loomed over her._

xxxx

A few hours later the sun came streaming in through the windows and Santana begrudgingly cracked her eyes open. Blonde hair fanning out erratically met her eye and she felt her morning grumpiness already fading. Brittany was still sound asleep.

Santana allowed her gaze to linger on her pale face. She grimaced as she took in the still fresh bruises but the peacefulness she saw gave Santana hope that her Brittany was still in there somewhere. The blonde mumbled incoherently as the Latina disentangled herself from her long limbs and the sheets.

Santana tucked the sheets tightly around Brittany's frame and brushed blonde hair away from her forehead. As Brittany's nose twitched Santana allowed a soft chuckle escape her lips. She stepped back and slowly made her way to the kitchen.

Glancing out the window, Santana saw the mailman hopping back into his truck and pulling away from the house. The brunette quirked a brow and moved closer to the door to peer out toward the front porch. The sight of a large box made her tilt her head in question. She stepped out onto the porch wrapping her arms around herself to ward off the early morning chill.

Santana smiled when she saw the name on the box. Quinn had sent a care package. She carried the box inside and deposited it on the table before moving to prepare coffee. A few minutes later the scent of fresh coffee filled the kitchen and Santana sighed in anticipation of feeling the caffeine hit her bloodstream.

Santana once again heard a shuffling behind her and turned to glance over her shoulder. Brittany came wandering into the kitchen looking barely awake. She was pale with bags under eyes but as she scratched her belly and yawned, Santana couldn't help but chuckle at her childlike appearance.

"Babe," Santana said with a laugh. "What are you doing out of bed? It's early, you should get some sleep."

"I smelled coffee." Brittany croaked.

Santana smiled as Brittany pulled out a mug and splashed coffee all over the counter, as she was still halfway asleep. She stumbled over to the brunette and dropped her head onto her shoulder, bringing a hand up to squeeze her slender waist.

Santana turned, relishing any contact Brittany was willing to initiate. "Quinn sent you a package babe." She said softly. "Want to go see what's in it?"

Brittany perked up at the thought of presents and nodded almost enthusiastically. Santana took her hand and led her to the couch. They both placed their coffee on the table in front of them and Santana dropped the box onto the floor in front of the blonde.

Brittany ripped open the box and the protective stuffing went everywhere. She dove into the box, ignoring the ache to her ribs. She smiled as she pulled out the card that was on the top and began to read aloud.

"Dear Britt." She read. "Rachel and I just wanted to send you a little something to let you know we're thinking about you. We even put in a few things for Santana but I imagine you'll be able to tell what belongs to her. We're thinking about you and we love you both. Quinn and Rachel."

Santana furrowed her brow. "Why would she and Rachel send something together?"

"Because they're sleeping together of course." Brittany replied evenly.

"What?" Santana exclaimed. "What do you mean they're sleeping together?"

Brittany glanced up from the box, seemingly annoyed at having been distracted from her goodies but shrugged. "You mean you didn't know?"

Santana was flabbergasted. "What? You mean you _did_ know? Did they tell you? I mean…what?"

Brittany smiled patiently. "They didn't have to tell me San. You can just tell. They're in love."

"But…but what about Puck?" Santana cried.

"Puck makes a great cover." Brittany deadpanned. "He was yours. Well, Sam too. And the baseball team. Oh and that brief prom thing with Karofsky…"

"Ok, B, I get your point."

Santana slumped back onto the couch with a whimper. It was too much really; dealing with what had happened to the two of them, trying to find a way to help Brittany, and then to find out her best friend was sleeping with Rachel Berry of all people. Life was cruel.

Brittany chuckled at Santana's despondent appearance. "Come on San. We both know you stopped hating Rachel a long time ago. She's a good person, she's good to Quinn, and Quinn loves her. That's all that matters."

"Yeah…I guess." Santana muttered, still dazed.

Brittany laughed. "Can I open my present now San?"

Santana seemed to shake her senses clear and nodded to Brittany and the box. "Of course babe, go for it."

Brittany smiled and dove back for the box. The first item she pulled out was a box collection of Disney movies on DVD. Brittany hugged the old school movies to her chest and declared a movie marathon day. Santana nodded with a smile and turned sideways on the couch and watched as the blonde continued to pull items from the box.

The sight of light blue pajama pants with yellow ducks on them had them both chuckling. "These look like me but they're in your size San." Brittany said holding the item up. "Oh wait, they got us matching!"

Santana tried to look disgusted as Brittany handed the pants to her and pulled out a matching pair in her own size. The smile on the blonde's face wiped away any smart comment and Santana just continued to watch, a smile still firmly on her face.

Brittany squealed in delight as she pulled a CD out with a recording of Rachel's "My Headband." At that Santana did legitimately groan. But when Brittany pulled out a small box and peered inside the groan died down when the blonde pulled out Santana's favorite lip balm. Her favorite, _expensive_ lip balm.

"Awesome." Santana mumbled, smiling at the small tube. Brittany then handed the brunette a bottle of her favorite perfume and Santana smiled again. "Wow, they're good."

Brittany nodded as she pulled a small stack of books out of the box. She ran her hand reverently over the covers of the Dr. Seuss books and smiled slightly. The blonde finally pulled the last item out of the box and her smile widened. A large, soft stuffed duck had been placed in the bottom of the box. Brittany ran a hand through the duck's soft fur as she hugged it tightly.

"They know us well babe." Santana said with a chuckle.

Brittany wanted to immediately begin watching the movies but she insisted they wear their new pajama pants. Santana of course complied and the two settled down onto the couch. The brunette had to force feed the painkiller into Brittany but she finally acquiesced.

A few hours later, Santana was stretched out on the couch with Brittany draped over her, sleeping soundly. She wanted to turn the cheesy Disney movie off but as Brittany tightened her grip and sighed in contentment, Santana decided not to disturb the calm. She smiled and brushed fingers through long blonde locks.

xxxx

Three days later the two received the phone call they had been dreading but waiting for. Brittany was napping on the couch after her afternoon dose of medicine and Santana was catching up on emails. As the phone chirped, Santana quirked a brow, not recognizing the number on the display.

"Hello?"

"Hello, this is Dr. Ellis. Is this Santana or Brittany?"

Santana felt her stomach drop at the sound of Brittany's doctor's voice. "This is Santana. Is everything ok?"

"Well," the man replied. "I should really speak with Brittany if she's available."

Santana glanced toward the couch where Brittany was trying to rouse herself. "Well," Santana said softly. "She's almost awake. Just give her a sec."

The brunette stood from the table, phone in hand, and moved to squat in front of Brittany who currently had only managed to crack one eye open and was blearily wiping at the other one.

"Britt? Baby, you awake enough to talk to your doctor?"

The blonde harrumphed and swiped at her face once more before reaching for the phone. "H-hello? Yes sir, thank you."

Santana didn't realize she was holding her breath as she watched Brittany begin to chew on her bottom lip. As the blonde responded occasionally with an "uh-huh" or an "ok" the brunette began to chew on her own fingernail.

Finally Brittany hung up the phone with a soft, "thanks." She turned to Santana, her brow furrowed.

"Well?" Santana asked. "What did he say babe?"

"I'm confused San." The blonde replied sadly. "I thought positive was good and negative was bad but he said that negative is good and positive is bad. I never did get numbers…"

Santana clenched her jaw, willing herself not to snap from the tension she could feel coiled in her shoulders. "Baby, what did Dr. Ellis say? Were the test results positive or negative? Whatever it is, I'm here baby and we'll get through it I swear!"

"Negative." Brittany said with a shrug. "But that sounds bad. Are you sure we wanted the test results to be negative San? I'm so confused."

Santana exhaled quickly. "Negative? Really baby? Yes, yes it's good news Britt! That's really good!"

Santana was too excited to contain herself and she pulled Brittany into a tight hug. The blonde tensed and struggled to swallow a cry. But Santana's excitement was contagious and she soon found herself relaxing into the brunette's embrace.

"You mean I really passed?" Brittany asked, somewhat bewildered. "That might be the first test I've ever passed."

Santana pulled back with a laugh and cupped Brittany's face in her hands; happy tears streaming down her face. "I love you Brittany."

The sincerity behind Santana's words made Brittany's breath catch. She smiled tenderly and before she could let any fear get the best of her, Brittany leaned forward and captured Santana's lips with her own in a chaste kiss.

Santana's heart soared and she had to refrain herself from attempting to deepen the kiss. It was the first kiss Brittany had allowed since the attack and it was entirely too soon for the brunette to be thinking about getting her mack on. As quickly as it began, it ended and Brittany pulled away with a sad smile. Santana refused to allow the blonde's quick withdrawal to upset her. Brittany was healthy; things were looking up.

xxxx

The next morning when Brittany emerged from the bedroom after her morning pills wore off, she stood and stared out the large windows overlooking the lake. Santana came up beside her and waited for the blonde to acknowledge her before scooting closer and wrapping an arm around her waist. She dropped her head on the taller woman's shoulder and Brittany tilted to her own head to rest on top of Santana's.

"We should go for a walk outside." Brittany finally said quietly.

Santana lifted her head to look into Brittany's clear blue eyes. "Yeah?" she asked, trying not to become too excited. It would be the first time the blonde had left the house since they'd arrived.

"Yeah." Brittany said with a shrug. "Maybe we could walk down to the lake and look for ducks."

"I think that's a great idea babe."

The two dressed and stepped out into the fresh air. The spring mountain air was chilly even for that time of day and they walked arm in arm but not only to ward off the chill. They traveled in comfortable silence to the edge of the lake.

Brittany quickly pulled out the numerous slices of bread she had snagged to feed the ducks. She and Santana sat side-by-side, cross-legged, and threw bread chunks out toward the water. Brittany watched with delight as the ducks quickly devoured the bread. A few braver ducks came close enough for the blonde to talk to them. And Santana could have sworn the little creatures talked back and carried on a conversation.

Brittany reached and squeezed Santana's hand as they sat gazing out over the water. The brunette hated for the afternoon to end but storm clouds seemed to be rolling in and the two reluctantly pulled themselves to their feet to head back to the house. Before they could make it even halfway back, the heavens opened up and the two were caught in a downpour.

By the time they made it back to the house they were drenched and shivering from the cold, wet chill. Brittany was slightly out of breath and her ribs were aching from the exertion of rushing back through the rain but they were both giggling like schoolgirls as they rushed back into the entryway. Santana could already imagine her mother scolding them for trudging through the house and dripping water everywhere so she quickly began discarding her clothing.

"Come on babe." Santana said glancing up. "My mom will kill us if we drip water on any of her expensive shit. Let's get out of these wet clothes."

Brittany shifted nervously from one foot to the other with her eyes downcast. Santana sighed and felt her heart clench at the blonde's lost look. "Babe, we can't track water and mud all through the house. Come on; take 'em off. I don't want you catching a cold either; you're shivering. We can go take a shower to warm up."

"Together?" Brittany whimpered, her eyes darting back and forth.

Santana had already managed to wriggle out of her clothes, standing in just her under garments and stood watching the blonde sadly. "Less chance of us running out of hot water if we shower together. Please?"

The brunette reached a calm, steady hand out to Brittany. The blonde fearfully met Santana's gaze before nodding slightly and timidly taking the outstretched hand. Santana tried to offer an encouraging smile as Brittany stripped down to her panties and a tank top. The two left the pile of wet, muddy clothing in the entryway and quickly moved into the master bedroom.

Santana immediately entered the bathroom and started the shower. When she stepped back into the bedroom she wore nothing but a towel wrapped loosely around herself. Brittany was still standing awkwardly in the middle of the floor and fumbling with the hem of her tank top.

Santana stepped closer and reached to still the blonde's nervous movements. "It's ok babe." She said softly. She met Brittany's gaze questioningly as she gripped the hem of the shirt.

Brittany exhaled shakily and gave a slight nod, allowing Santana to pull the garment up and away from her body. Santana tried not to stare at the sight of her mostly naked girlfriend, or cringe at the sight of the still dark bruises splashed across her torso. The blonde in front of her seemed so broken and frightened and so unlike her usual self that Santana felt her own tears threatening. She squeezed Brittany's hands gently.

"It's ok Britt." She repeated.

Brittany nodded, keeping her gaze lowered. "I know. It's just…the bruises…I'm ugly." She said softly.

Santana stepped closer to the blonde, willing her to meet her gaze before speaking firmly. "That's not true Brittany. It's never been true and it will never be true."

Brittany's gaze remained lowered and Santana felt her heart ache for the way the usually confident woman now seemed shattered and self-conscious. The brunette once again found herself cursing the men who attacked them.

"I'm going to hop in the shower and warm up. Feel free to join me Britt. But no pressure, if you don't want to…it's ok."

With one final squeeze to Brittany's hands, Santana turned and headed back to the bathroom. Steam was wafting from the top of the shower as the water had clearly warmed. She dropped the towel to the floor and stepped into the warm stream of water. She almost moaned in contentment as she allowed the water to chase away the chill.

Santana's reverie was interrupted by a soft, "San?"

She turned and wiped water from her eyes. Her gaze softened when she was met by Brittany's wide, frightened blue eyes. She was clutching the shower curtain so tightly that her knuckles were white.

Santana's eyes once again raked over the bruises covering her abdomen. She had seen them before, many times. Brittany had needed assistance in even the most normal activities in the time after they first arrived but the sight never grew any easier to stomach.

Santana tore her eyes from the bruises and looked up into Brittany's face. Her eyes were wide and there was fear written all over her features. Santana tried to remain nonchalant as she stepped back and gestured for Brittany to enter the shower.

"Come on in babe, you're letting the steam out. Come warm up?"

Brittany stepped inside and under the water, immediately shivering. Her shoulders were hunched and her arms were crossed protectively around her body. "San…I'm not…I know it's been a while and your belly is probably cold and your food isn't digesting but…"

Santana groaned inwardly. She would never live that lizard line down. "Brittany," she replied softly. "This isn't about sexy times or food digestion. I just want to help you warm up."

Brittany looked at her sadly. Santana reached her hand out to the blonde and gave an encouraging smile. "Babe, I'm not sure either of us are ready to get our mack on. But do you think maybe we could just…hold each other?"

Brittany sighed, almost in relief and stepped closer. Santana wrapped her arms around the blonde's back and dropped her head onto her shoulder. She felt Brittany press her cheek into the crown of her head. They held each other until the water lost the bite of the heat.

xxxx

They once again dressed in the duck pajama pants Quinn and Rachel sent and settled in for another round of Disney movies. Brittany dozed off and on and Santana found herself nodding off occasionally as well as they cuddled on the couch.

Santana prepared dinner and convinced Brittany to eat more than just a few bites before they retreated to the bedroom for the night. The blonde allowed Santana to pull her into her arms and the two kissed for a few moments before Brittany pulled away with a quiet sigh.

"I love you Santana." She said softly. "Thank you."

"For what?" Santana asked, genuinely surprised.

Brittany smiled almost shyly. "For dropping everything and coming here. For taking care of me. I'm sure I'm not easy right now…never have been I guess. I don't deserve you."

"Babe…we both know that's not true. You stuck with me through the gay panic pandemic. I was a total bitch to everyone in high school and you stuck with me. I'm the one who doesn't deserve…"

Santana choked on the last few words and tears slipped from her eyes. Brittany immediately scooted closer and wrapped her arms around the smaller woman and pulled her in for a tight embrace.

"It's ok San." Brittany whispered quietly. "I love you and you love me. Everything else will work out, right?"

Santana lifted her head to be able to look into Brittany's eyes. The brunette felt a shiver at the look of hope and pure love radiating back from those bright blue eyes.

"Absolutely." Santana replied firmly. "Thanks for reminding me. I love you B."

Brittany smiled again before settling back into Santana's arms. She settled onto Santana's shoulder and the brunette held her tightly until she was certain Brittany had drifted into slumber. And although Brittany did wake again a few hours later in the grip of a nightmare, when Santana reached to comfort her, she didn't resist.

xxxx

The routine continued much the same for the next few days. The two had been at the cabin almost a month when one afternoon, Santana felt Brittany's gaze following her every move. When she would turn to the blonde, she would blush and glance away, apparently flustered. Santana would smirk and continue with whatever she had been doing.

Finally by early evening the brunette was beginning to feel flustered at the looks she was receiving. She felt as if she was being stalked by a lioness in the jungle sizing up its prey. Santana was struggling to keep her own emotions in check as the gazes lingered and Brittany's blue eyes seemed to be practically smoldering.

Finally, Santana could take no more. "Babe?" she croaked, trying to stamp down the heat she felt raising in her body. "Is everything ok? Do you want to…talk about anything...or anything?"

Brittany groaned and dropped onto the couch unceremoniously. "Well, it's just that…I was talking to Cindy and…"

Santana nodded in acknowledgment. She realized now that when the blonde had disappeared for a lengthy amount of time that day she had been on the phone with her therapist.

"And what babe?" Santana asked, trying to encourage Brittany to continue.

The blonde sighed and looked uncomfortable. "Well, we were talking about things. Like you and me things. And I kind of want to…I mean…she thinks I might be ready to…Oh San, how am I supposed to do it if I can't even say it?"

Brittany dropped her head into her hands and whined pitifully. Santana would have laughed if she hadn't started to get an idea of what was going through the blonde's mind. She settled onto the couch beside Brittany and reached for her hand.

"What's wrong Brittany?" Santana asked softly. "You're not afraid to talk to me are you?"

Brittany sighed without raising her head. "Sort of." She mumbled.

"Don't be afraid Britt. You know you can ask me anything or talk to me about anything. What are you afraid of?"

Brittany raised her head. "That you'll say yes. Or that you'll say no. Or that I'll…" her voice faded with another sigh.

Santana scooted closer yet and with her most serious face, waited for Brittany to look at her. "Is it dirty?"

Brittany blushed a deep shade of pink but laughed at the devious smirk beginning to spread on Santana's face. She raised their joined hands and pressed a kiss to the back of Santana's palm. "No, not really." She replied with a chuckle.

"Well fuck." Santana said in mock disappointment. "Come on babe, what is it?"

Brittany closed her eyes and without a breath said in a rush, "I think maybe I'm ready to make love to you even if I'm not ready for you to touch me or anything or for us to do it together…you know."

Santana couldn't help but quirk a brow at Brittany's rushed confession. Her jaw dropped slightly and the blonde cringed at what she thought was a look of disgust or disinterest. Brittany dropped her gaze and tried to pull her hand from Santana's grip. "You don't have to if you don't want…I understand. This was a stupid idea."

"Hey now," Santana said quickly, keeping a firm hold on Brittany's hand. "Stop that. You just surprised me is all."

Brittany turned her head away from the Latina, obviously embarrassed. Santana nudged her gently with her shoulder.

"Brittany? Come on, talk to me. What's going on? Where is all this coming from? If you're not comfortable with being together, there's no rush. I'm not going anywhere."

The blonde turned back to Santana, her face full of sadness. "I know you're not. But maybe you should. This might be the longest you've ever gone without sex. I don't want you to think I don't want you…I just…"

"Brittany Susan Pierce," Santana replied firmly. "You listen to me and you listen good. I love you, whether or not we're having sex. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm not going anywhere. You and me…we're it babe. Please, _please_ don't question me along with everything else that's been turned upside down. I love you and I'll be right here whenever you're ready to get our sweet lady kisses on."

Santana wiped a few tears away from Brittany's blue eyes as she smiled back at the brunette. "I love you Santana. I just worry about you. I don't want you to think it's you…that I don't want you. You're too good to me."

"Nope. No one is good enough for you. But I'm not about to step out of the way, you're mine babe. Besides," the brunette said, her signature smirk back in place, "I'm far too smokin' hot for you to not want me."

Brittany giggled and nodded her head enthusiastically. "It's true. I-I really want to show you San, how much I love you and appreciate what you've done for me, dropping everything to come here and take care of me. I've missed you. And like you said, you're smokin' hot."

Santana smiled tenderly. "You don't have to prove anything to me. I don't want you to feel rushed or like I'm pressuring you. Not that I'm opposed or anything…"

Brittany returned the smile and leaned toward Santana, pressing their lips together. "I want to get better San." She whispered after pulling away. "I want us to be normal. And I miss our connection. We're awesome at sexy times and I need to get a little of myself back. Baby steps right?"

"Yeah babe. If this will help you…I'm all yours. Besides, we've been making great progress I must say. Last night was hot!" Santana replied, her mind drifting back to the impromptu make out session that had ensued before Brittany pulled away breathless. "So…you wanna go right now?"

The blonde laughed as Santana waggled her eyebrows suggestively. The brunette felt her heart lighten at the sound. Brittany gently cupped Santana's cheeks and smiled sweetly. "I was thinking maybe later tonight. Give you a little more time to stew."

Santana faked a groan. "Woman, with the looks you've been giving me all day, much longer and I'm pretty sure I might have to take matters into my own hands."

"No San!" Brittany exclaimed, not realizing the joke. "You said you'd wait for me!"

Santana laughed. "I was kidding babe. What do you say I fix us some dinner, then we light some candles, I get good and naked and you get your mack on?"

Brittany flushed a deep pink. "Deal."

xxxx

The rest of the evening passed quietly. Santana prepared a chicken dish that both merely picked at, their minds preoccupied. Brittany continued to openly ogle the brunette and Santana found her heat rising as the evening wore on. But the more Santana tried to encourage the blonde, the more nervous Brittany appeared.

She fiddled with her napkin at dinner and by the time they cleared the plates, all that remained were little shreds of paper scattered all around her chair. Santana had to chuckle but then she would catch that predatory gleam in Brittany's eye and she would flush all over again.

"San." Brittany finally said hoarsely, "I think my own lizard is hungry. I really, really want to get our sweet lady kisses on."

Santana felt herself blushing as Brittany stepped closer. She allowed the blonde to take the reigns and felt herself being pulled closer. Brittany wrapped her arms around the brunette and tentatively pressed their lips together. Santana tried to stifle a moan as she felt Brittany's tongue gently probing.

The kiss deepened and Santana felt her legs growing shaky. She was almost desperate to allow her hands to roam the blonde's familiar body but she struggled to control herself lest she frighten Brittany. But when her hand slipped under Santana's shirt, the brunette couldn't help but whimper slightly and whisper, "I think I might need to lay down. Will you come to the bedroom with me Brittany?"

Brittany stared down into Santana's eyes, searching for hesitation or discomfort but found only love and trust. She swallowed thickly and nodded.

Brittany took Santana's hands in her own and they walked hand in hand toward the bedroom. The brunette noticed Brittany's breath beginning to come in slow shallow gasps as they entered the darkened room. Santana gave her hand an encouraging squeeze before stepping to the nightstand and lighting a candle that was resting there.

The soft glow of the candle filled the room, casting an orange glow over the blonde's features. Santana's breath caught as the candlelight danced and flickered in her bright blue eyes.

"Oh Brittany," she whispered. "You have no idea just how beautiful you are."

Brittany graced her with a watery smile. "I don't feel it lately…except when you look at me like that. I love you San."

Santana could see the fear on Brittany's face. She smiled sadly before sitting on the edge of the bed and patting the space next to her. "Come sit next to me babe."

Brittany complied and settled next to Santana before gazing shyly over at her. "I'm kind of scared."

Santana felt her heart break slightly. "Babe, don't be afraid. We don't have to do anything if you don't feel comfortable. I'd be happy just to hold you. Please, don't ever be afraid of me."

Brittany squared her shoulders and nodded resolutely, as if to encourage herself. She raised a hand and brushed Santana's dark locks off of her shoulder before gently caressing her cheek. "Just be patient with me. I need it to be slow."

Santana nodded pressed a kiss to the palm still caressing her face before allowing the blonde to ease her backwards until she was lounging on the bed. Brittany moved until she was reclining beside her and lightly trailed her hand up and down Santana's side.

Santana's breath hitched as Brittany gently lifted the hem of her tank top, sliding it up her torso. It was difficult for the brunette to remain still and subdued as Brittany removed her shirt. She longed to return the touches but knew Brittany needed to be in control of the situation so Santana pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and remained motionless for the most part.

The shirt was discarded and Santana's bra quickly followed. Brittany ran her hands down the length of the brunette's torso and back up to cover her breasts as if she was attempting to memorize every detail. Santana felt tears threatening at the almost lost and frightened look on the blonde's face as she caressed her. She tilted her head back slightly in an attempt to hide the moisture in her eyes and allowed a moan to escape as Brittany continued to gently caress her exposed abdomen and chest.

Brittany's touches were hesitant and it almost seemed as if she was touching Santana for the first time. She seemed to be exploring the brunette's body for the first time and it was so unlike the usually confident way Brittany touched her that Santana wanted to hide in a corner and cry. Instead she allowed herself to melt into the blonde's hands as they roamed her body.

When Brittany's hand slipped beneath the waistband of her shorts, Santana whimpered and had to clench the bed sheets in her fists to keep from reaching out and reciprocating the touch. The blonde ran her fingers gently along the length of Santana's center and bit back her own moan at the moisture she felt there.

Santana was aching for the blonde to do something, anything, to help relieve the tension she was feeling. Brittany must have sensed her need and she immediately pressed her body flush against the brunette's and pressed their lips together in a heated kiss. When Brittany pulled away, Santana resisted the urge to pursue once again. She instead held the blonde's steady gaze, as she seemed to be asking permission to continue. Santana nodded slightly and clenched her jaw as she felt two long fingers slide into her slick heat, biting back the heated moan.

Santana writhed beneath the blonde, as she grew accustomed to the feel of Brittany inside her once again. The blonde seemed to become encouraged at the movements and sounds of pleasure coming from the Latina and she kissed down the column of Santana's neck as she continued her ministrations.

When Santana climaxed, she arched off the bed and Brittany quickly scooped her into her arms as she brought her down gently. She didn't realize she was weeping until Brittany pressed a kiss to each eyelid and shushed her quietly. When she calmed, Santana heard the blonde chuckle nervously above her.

"Was it that bad?"

Santana choked out another laugh and quickly shook her head. "No babe. It was…amazing. I've really missed you. No one has ever made me feel like you do. You don't know what it means to me that you trust me enough to…after…"

She was crying again. Brittany smiled tenderly and cradled her in her arms, rocking them back and forth. "Let me hold you for once Sanny. I'm not going anywhere either."

Santana nodded against Brittany's shoulder and allowed the blonde to wrap her in secure arms. The fell asleep; wrapped tightly in each other's embrace.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N – This flashback skips forward slightly. Sorry if it's hard to follow, I'll be backtracking and covering everything so bear with me! Thanks for all the reviews and the alerts; I really appreciate it! I know I said this would be up tomorrow, but I figured why wait? Disclaimer for this chapter, recreational drug use. I don't own anything!

_Chapter 4 _

_Santana released a shuddering breath, her gaze immediately returning to the blonde lying motionless across the alley. The brunette felt an intense need to close her eyes, to just rest, her body aching to drift off into unconsciousness but she clenched her jaw and slid sideways just enough for her head to drop from the curb._

_Santana wanted to cry out from the pain as she inched herself forward, desperate to reach Brittany. She fleetingly noticed her long dark hair sticking to the back of her neck as the scent of blood wafted into her senses. Still, Santana continued to claw her way across the pavement, her fingernails scratching at the ground._

_Her body was dragging, her limbs heavy. With her eyes on Brittany, she continued to force herself forward. The blonde was breathing, that much Santana could tell. There was blood though, her battered body shivering in the night air. As for the rest, Santana refused to dwell on it. Brittany needed help._

_Santana managed to pull herself the last few feet and Brittany must have somehow sensed someone approaching because she tried to scramble away to avoid the contact. Santana tried to tell her to stop but no sound would exit her mouth so she reached and wrapped her fingers around a pale wrist. Brittany quieted and remained still, instinctively turning more towards Santana._

_The Latina fished the phone out of her pocket and promptly dialed 911, but when the dispatcher answered, Santana found she was still unable to form words. She wasn't certain if their location could be traced on a cell phone and she began to feel panic rising as her voice refused to sound. _

_She snapped the phone closed and as quickly as her aching head and fumbling fingers would allow, reopened it and scrolled through her contacts until she found their friend Quinn's number. Quinn Fabray was a pediatrician so would have some idea of how to help. And she only lived a few blocks away._

_Santana quickly typed out a message, "911, aly by apt". She was about to try to find another person to reach out to in case Quinn didn't receive the message but within seconds, the blonde responded with, "Puck and I are coming."_

_Santana allowed the phone to drop from her hands. She ignored it as it clattered to the side. The brunette dragged herself the last few inches and reached her arm, draping it over Brittany's still form. The blonde jerked slightly but finally sighed and settled her own arm gently over Santana's shoulder. Santana held onto Brittany tightly as darkness finally pulled her in._

"_San, Santana."_

_The Latina felt a tug on her arm but with a grunt, she tried to fight it off. She couldn't let Brittany be taken away from her._

"_Santana." The familiar voice finally registered. Quinn's tone was firm and commanding as she pulled on Santana's arm again. "Santana, I need you to let go. I need to look at her."_

_Santana then felt herself being pulled and lifted. Her eyes finally fluttered open as she landed on her back. Puck was leaning over her, brushing hair away from her forehead while Quinn turned back to Brittany. _

_Quinn was checking Brittany's face and neck with no difficulty but when she reached for the hem of Brittany's shirt to check her ribs, the blonde flailed and whimpered, trying to pull away._

"_Easy Britt." Quinn said softly. "It's Quinn and Puck. Let me help you. Please Brittany."_

_Santana could barely register the tremor in her friend's voice as worry furrowed her brow at finding her two best friends in this condition. _

"_San." Brittany whimpered pitifully. "Sanny…"_

"_She's right here B, San's ok." Quinn replied softly. "Just let me help you…"_

"_No! San, I need-" Suddenly the blonde was retching and Quinn quickly reached to gently turn her onto her side, smoothing matted blonde hair back. Brittany coughed but cried out at the pain the movement brought._

_Santana reached a hand again, trying to comfort her girlfriend as darkness once again began to creep into the edges of her vision._

xxxx

"Britt, baby, relax." Santana said, rubbing soothing circles on her back. "They're our friends, no reason to be nervous about them coming to visit."

Brittany nodded but continued to fiddle nervously with the hem of her shirt. The blonde seemed to be making great strides in her recovery and the two decided to see how she would do with other people around.

Quinn was thrilled to be invited to visit. She'd missed her friends more than she cared to admit and hated being so far removed from the situation. She wanted to help them both but Santana had been adamant that they were going away to be alone.

Rachel of course wanted to visit as well, as she and Brittany had grown closer over the years and she was now practically inseparable from Quinn. When Tina and Mercedes continued to call every few days to check on their friends, it was decided that they would come along as well.

It had seemed like a wonderful idea at the time. Brittany seemed to gain confidence after their night together but now, when faced with the reality of their comfortable seclusion being disrupted, the blonde had fallen back into her pattern of waking every few hours with nightmares and spending her days closed off and jittery.

"I know they're our friends San, but what if I freak out in front of them or something…"

"Then we deal with it." Santana replied calmly. "If it gets to be too much for you, just go into the bedroom, or out on the back porch. You don't have to explain anything to anyone. They love you B, they just want to see you for a few days, see how you're doing. And if you freak out, well, they're not going to love you any less."

Brittany nodded again. She continued to stare out the front door as if watching for their friends' vehicle to arrive. Santana wrapped her arms around the blonde from behind and pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

She tugged gently on the waistband of the workout pants Brittany had on and sighed sadly. "These are going to fall off of you if you don't start eating something soon babe."

Brittany shrugged, still gazing out the window. "Maybe Quinn will make her breakfast casserole. I love that stuff. Mercedes' mom's fried chicken would be good too…"

Santana laughed lightly, thrilled the blonde was even considering eating. "If it'll get you to eat more than a few bites, I'll pluck the chickens myself babe."

"Ugh," Brittany moaned. "Don't talk about that. I hate the thought of those poor chickens getting plucked and roasted. Not enough to not eat them but…you know."

"I know." Santana said smiling. Before she could continue, a black SUV pulled into the driveway in front of the lake house. Brittany immediately tensed.

"Babe, it's ok. Remember, if it gets to be too much, I'll kick these bitches out myself. Ok?"

Brittany chuckled nervously. "Yeah, ok. I'm just going to go check my makeup again."

"Britt, babe, you look fine." Santana called as the blonde slipped back into the bedroom to be certain the bruises still marring her skin were covered as best as they could be.

"Go on out San, I'll be right there." Brittany called.

Santana sighed before stepping out of the door and onto the porch. The back hatch of the SUV was already popped and Mercedes and Tina were pulling bags out and chatting animatedly. Rachel and Quinn were speaking softly in front of the car but when Santana stepped off the porch and moved closer, Quinn immediately squeezed Rachel's forearm and moved to wrap her arms around the Latina.

"Hey San." Quinn breathed, already feeling tears stinging her eyes. "I've missed you guys. Thanks for letting us come visit."

Santana squeezed her tightly before leaning back to look at her friends. "We've missed you too."

The other three friends gathered around and Santana hugged them each in turn, even managing a mock grimace when she hugged Rachel. "Just remember," she said softly, "Don't make any sudden movements around Britt, make sure she sees you before you touch her, if she disappears once in a while don't be offended."

They nodded. The friends began to talk softly until Quinn swallowed thickly and gazed toward the porch. Brittany timidly stepped onto the porch and shifted nervously. Quinn squeezed Santana and Rachel's hands before stepping around them and moving toward her friend.

"Hi Quinn." Brittany said softly when the other blonde stopped in front of her. Both had tears stinging their eyes.

"Hey B." Quinn replied, just as softly before she gently wrapped her arms around her friend. Brittany hugged back and nuzzled her face into honey-gold hair, inhaling deeply.

"It's so good to see you." Quinn continued.

Santana and the others stood off to the edge of the porch and watched the exchange. Quinn and Brittany had always been close whereas she and Santana had shared their ups and downs. Whenever Santana would do something to hurt Brittany's feelings, it was Quinn she would turn to. When Quinn was abandoned by most friends and kicked off of the Cheerios, Brittany remained by her side even when Coach Sylvester and Santana herself, disapproved.

Santana sometimes found herself jealous of their friendship but Brittany would always remind her who was getting the sweet lady kisses and the brunette would quickly turn smug. Now, as she stood and watched the friends embrace, she couldn't help but smile at the happiness she saw on Brittany's face.

Santana didn't realize Rachel had placed an arm around her shoulders and was squeezing gently, also watching the two blondes, until the smaller brunette shifted slightly into her peripheral vision.

"Berry, I know you're not touching me." Santana growled. The arm quickly disappeared with a squeak and Rachel jumped away. Santana laughed, a lone brow quirked. "Jesus Berry, relax, I'm kidding. Now get all your shit moved inside. Just how long do you people think you're staying? You've got more bags than Mr. Schue has vests."

The group finally unloaded all the bags and got everything placed inside with everyone but Brittany scurrying back and forth from the car.

"I hope you guys don't mind sharing beds." Santana said as the last load was brought inside. "Quinn, I thought you and Rachel could take the upstairs bedroom on the right and Tina and Mercedes, you two can take the one on the left. They both have their own bathroom. Sorry we don't have enough rooms for you each to have your own bed."

"Oh no worries Santana," Mercedes said picking up her bag and heading toward the stairs. "It'll be like Nationals in New York all over again. And I'm pretty sure we've all slept in worse conditions."

"Yeah, it's not a problem what so ever." Rachel chimed in.

Santana eyed her suspiciously. "Yeah, I bet it's not Berry."

Rachel blushed and Quinn gave her a pointed glare. Brittany just smiled and linked her arm through Santana's. The friends scattered to take their own bags to their respective rooms leaving Santana and Brittany alone in the living room.

"You ok babe?" the brunette asked cautiously.

Brittany nodded as if lost in thought. "Yeah, I'm ok. It was good to see Quinn. And Tina and Mercedes are always fun. It's just weird seeing other people. I've gotten spoiled here just the two of us."

Santana nudged her gently. "Remember, you can hide out anytime you need. It's almost time for your afternoon meds…you could go rest if you want."

"Yeah, I think I'll do that." Brittany replied softly. "Maybe just to get over my nerves a little. That's ok right?"

"Of course babe." Santana replied. "They'll just be unpacking for a while anyway. I'll set out some snacks for them, you go relax."

Brittany sighed and smiled somewhat sadly before retreating to their bedroom and closing the door softly.

"She ok?"

Santana spun around, surprised by the voice behind her. Quinn smiled softly before stepping closer and placing a hand on her shoulder. Santana exhaled and returned the smile.

"Yeah, she's ok. It's just a little overwhelming. It's time for her afternoon meds, they'll knock her out for an hour or so and then she'll be back out."

Quinn nodded, eyeing the closed bedroom door. "And you? How are you?"

She turned her hazel eyes back to Santana and gazed intently into her dark brown eyes, as if to ascertain the truth in whatever answer she was about to receive. Santana shrugged a shoulder.

"I'm doing ok." Santana replied. "Just trying to make sure B is alright. It's been hard but I think we're getting somewhere. She's just always been so in her own head that to think this is what she's got to dwell on and get stuck on…I have to give her better thoughts to keep in her head."

Quinn nodded again and the two slowly moved toward the kitchen, arms linked.

"Sometimes," Santana continued, "I'll find her just gazing out into space. And now, instead of coming out with something cute and random, she'll say things about how she hates the smell of whiskey or wonders why God made that man so mean. And she'll expect me to have an answer…how do you answer that? Even so…I know I did the right thing in bringing her here. She needs this time to process and cope."

Quinn looked pained as she quickly wiped a tear away. Santana sighed and shook her head. The two were unloading the cooler full of kitchen supplies as they talked and didn't notice their other guests join them until the refrigerator was practically stocked full.

"She's lost weight." Rachel said, softly breaking the silence that had descended on the group. Quinn cringed as Santana tensed and turned a hard gaze on the smaller brunette.

Tina and Mercedes exchanged glances as Quinn prepared to step in between the two women. "But she looks great Santana." Tina said quietly, hoping to ease the tension. "We'll fatten her up this weekend. Mike's mom sent food…and it doesn't even have chicken feet in it."

Santana visibly deflated and Quinn shot Tina a grateful look. "That's right," the blonde said stepping up to Rachel to place a comforting hand on her arm. "My mom sent food too, Britt's favorite hash brown casserole and she even packed her homemade spaghetti sauce she likes so much. Plus tomorrow I'm going to make my breakfast casserole…she'll have no choice but fatten up."

"And girl, you know I'm gonna be getting my fried chicken on up in here!" Mercedes replied.

Santana smiled finally and nodded. "It's just been tough…her appetite hasn't been great. Even with my awesome culinary skills she just hasn't been up to eating. She specifically mentioned she'd like to try the casserole and chicken so you all showed up just in the nick of time."

"She's doing better." Tina said again. "She's going to be just fine."

"That's right. And we're all going to relax and have a great weekend." Quinn said, pulling Rachel firmly to her side.

Mercedes nodded once. "Damn straight. Now get your skinny asses in that kitchen and start warming up something to eat. Brittany isn't going to get fed on your well meaning but poorly timed comments Rachel, or on your death glares Santana."

"Watch it Wheezy." Santana said but a smile was once again tugging at her lips. "Well, come on and let's see what you freaks brought my girl."

xxxx

The friends placed a spread on the table within an hour and were all chatting happily when Santana retreated to the bedroom to check on Brittany. When she slipped into the room, she had to chuckle at the sight of the blonde sprawled out on the bed. It looked as if she was reaching for Santana's side of the bed and not finding a warm body, had settled for spooning the brunette's pillow.

Santana settled onto the edge of the bed and gently scratched the blonde's back. Brittany's nose scrunched adorably and she hugged the pillow tighter.

"Britt…baby wake up. It's time for dinner." Santana said softly. "Our friends cooked a feast."

Brittany groaned. "Bubble baby…cricket took my watch…gay shark."

When she finally cracked her eyes open, Santana was laughing at the nonsense Brittany was muttering in her sleep.

"Hi sleepy." Santana said fondly. "What did you eat before you fell asleep? Sounded like one hell of a dream there babe."

Brittany grinned sleepily and stretched. "Can we call Kurt later? I miss my dolphin."

Santana chuckled and brushed Brittany's fringe out of her eyes. "Of course Britt. But why don't we visit the guests we have right now? They were falling all over themselves trying to make food you'd like. They are bound and determined to make sure you're comfortable and well taken care of."

Brittany looked troubled and bit her lip. "Don't they trust you San? Don't they know no one can take care of me like you can?"

Santana felt a swirl of emotion and gently cupped the blonde's cheek. "They know Britt. They just want to help too. They're pretty crazy about you."

The blonde seemed to relax when she realized their friends weren't doubting Santana and nodded slightly.

"Think you could eat a little bit?" Santana asked hopefully.

Brittany smiled and sniffed the air slightly. "Is-is that Mrs. Fabray's hash brown casserole? I know that smell anywhere."

Santana chuckled as the blonde was already scrambling out of the bed. The friends settled around the kitchen table and devoured the food in front of them. Brittany even asked for a second helping of the hash brown.

They left the dishes scattered on the table and in the kitchen as they talked and caught up on what Santana and Brittany had missed since coming to the lake house over a month ago. By the time the sun had set, they were all lounging around the living room. There was no doubt that the friends all together could get quite loud and a short while after dinner, Santana noticed Brittany beginning to tremble slightly. She pulled the blonde firmly against her and turned to whisper quietly into her ear.

"You ok? Need a break?"

Brittany's eyes were watery and downcast. She shrugged but winced as another bark of laughter rang out in the room. Santana squeezed her tightly.

"Babe, why don't you go make sure the guest bathrooms have enough towels and everything? I think Quinn and Rachel's room might need some extra blankets too." Santana said, loud enough for them all to hear.

Rachel started to protest and offer to go herself when Quinn elbowed her gently and almost imperceptibly shook her head. The brunette instead clamped her mouth shut and smiled as Brittany rose from her position on the couch.

"Yeah," Mercedes said also rising, "I'll get started on cleaning up this mess in the kitchen. Rachel, Tina, come help me out."

Quinn and Santana also followed toward the mess on the table. When Brittany was out of sight and earshot, Tina turned to Santana with a worried look. "Is she ok? Are we too much?"

"Um…you people have always been too much." Santana replied with a smirk. "But she's ok. If she's still this jumpy tomorrow we may have to rethink plans but let's just give her time to get used to the change."

They all began to clear away the mess from the table and load dishes into the dishwasher and put leftovers in the fridge.

"Well," Mercedes said, giving Tina a sly grin, "we have a surprise to help her get used to the change."

"Wheezy, what in God's name makes you think a surprise would be a good idea for her right now? Do I need to show you a police report?"

"Don't worry Santana, she'll like this surprise." Tina replied with a solemn nod.

Santana narrowed her eyes at the two as they giggled and nudged each other. "Ok, what are you two up to? What do you have planned for my sweet innocent Brittany?"

"Nothing." The both stated together seriously.

"Oh for God's sakes," Quinn said with a wry smirk as she brought the last of the dishes in from the table. "They brought weed."

Santana was certain her jaw could have been scraped from the floor. "You _what_?"

"My sentiments exactly Santana!" Rachel exclaimed. "Do you have even the slightest inkling as to what amount of damage smoking can cause to the vocal chords?"

Quinn chuckled at the various looks on her friends' faces. Rachel was a mix of shock and outrage, Tina and Mercedes were giggling as if they'd already had a fair share of the green plant, and Santana was still attempting to wrap her brain around the fact that her upstanding, generally morally superior friends were knowingly trying to peddle an illegal substance.

"Oh come on Santana," Mercedes said with a laugh. "It'll be good for her, help her relax."

"And if anyone needs to relax with friends…its Brittany." Tina added. "But if you'd rather we didn't…"

Santana shook her head as if to clear the cobwebs. "No, no it's fine. I'll just go upstairs and talk to her."

Tina and Mercedes hopped up excitedly and headed out to the porch overlooking the lake. Rachel and Quinn chatted quietly in the kitchen while Santana headed up the stairs to find the blonde.

"Britt? Babe, you ok?" She called as she slipped into the guest room quietly. Brittany was standing by the window, gazing out into the night sky. She turned and smiled sweetly.

"Hi San."

Santana returned the smile and edged closer. "Everything ok? Sorry it got a little crazy down there. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to spring company on you so soon."

Brittany shook her head. "No, it's ok. I'm glad they're here, just takes some getting used to. Inside my head is so loud lately and to have it matched outside my head…just scared me a little but I'm ok."

"Well," Santana said softly, wrapping her arms around the blonde, "our friends brought a surprise for you, a little something to help you relax."

"Cheese Wiz and leg warmers?"

"No babe," Santana said with a chuckle. "They brought marijuana."

"Oh, that kind of relax." Brittany replied with a thoughtful look. "Are you going to have to ask your mom to defend me if the coppers find us?"

Santana squeezed the blonde gently in her arms and pressed a kiss to her temple. "I think we're pretty safe out here babe. No reason to worry about the police finding us. But if it happens, sure, my mom will take good care of you. But I think you should by the way…relax with them. If anyone has earned it, it's you babe."

"Will you come too?" Brittany asked quietly.

"Of course, once I make sure Quinn has everything she needs to get her breakfast casserole going. Rachel will keep an eye on our favorite stoners and take good care of you until I get out there."

Brittany smiled and nodded. She pressed her lips against Santana's tenderly. "Ok. I'm gonna go get high now."

Santana chuckled again as she led the taller woman out of the room and back downstairs. Tina and Mercedes were already outside but Rachel was waiting with a patient smile.

"Come on Britt," Rachel said, extending her arm to allow Brittany to initiate the contact. "Let's go out and let these delinquents corrupt us."

"I thought we were going out to smoke? It's not like we're gonna steal anything or skin a cat." Brittany asked confused.

Rachel nodded patiently. "Right. We'll be outside if you need us."

"Rachel?" Santana called from her spot beside Quinn. "You'll…take care of her?"

The smaller brunette smiled back at the Latina and nodded. "Of course."

Santana seemed satisfied but before the two could make it outside she called toward them one last time. "Berry, don't you dare let my girl get addicted to reefer!"

Quinn laughed as Santana turned back to the ingredients on the counter. "San, do you have a baking dish? I couldn't find one the right size."

Santana hummed and began to dig around through a lower cabinet, finally pulling out two dishes for the blonde to pick from. Quinn took her pick and began adding the ingredients.

"I noticed you brought yourself some bacon there Quinnie. I'm assuming we'll have a nice sampling of that tomorrow as well?" At Quinn's smirk, the brunette continued. "And just what is your lawn gnome going to eat since she refuses to eat anything other than grass or tofu?"

Quinn scowled. "Lay off Rachel. I mean it Santana. She's been worried sick about the two of you. You know you can't deny how much she cares about you guys, Brittany especially."

"Ok, ok." Santana replied, raising her hands in defense. "You didn't answer though, what are you feeding her?"

"Don't worry about that. I brought waffles too." Quinn said, turning back to her dish. "I'm almost finished here…why don't you go out and make sure they're not skinny dipping or anything."

"Would that be a bad thing if they were?" Santana said with a smirk. "Britts is smokin' and should really never have to wear clothes."

Quinn chuckled as Santana waggled her brows and headed for the door. "Come on out when you're finished."

Santana stepped out onto the back deck and followed the sounds of soft voices. She found Rachel on a bench swing sitting upwind of the lightly billowing smoke. Tina, Mercedes, and Brittany were all lounging close together on full-length deck chairs. Brittany had her back to the Latina as she laughed at something Mercedes said. Tina took a hit and passed the joint back to Brittany and smiled wider when she noticed Santana.

Brittany noticed Tina's gaze and turned to see the brunette walking toward them. "Hi Sanny."

Santana had to smile at the blonde's soft, relaxed tone. "Hi babe." She said, settling in behind Brittany on her chair. She pulled the blonde back flush against her chest and wrapped her arms around her. Brittany turned her head and gave Santana a goofy grin.

"Just how much have you had my little stoner?" Santana asked smiling back.

Brittany shrugged. "I don't remember. Do you want to…" she asked, holding the joint up in an invitation.

Santana grinned slyly and took the small joint from Brittany's fingers. She took a hit, her head falling back to let the smoke do it's job. She exhaled slowly and looked back down into Brittany's glazed eyes.

"You're so hot." Brittany mumbled.

Santana laughed loudly and buried her face in Brittany's long blonde locks. Brittany squeezed the brunette's arms around her waist tightly.

Brittany took another hit before passing off to Mercedes who then passed it to Tina again. Brittany sighed softly and gazed up into the clear night sky full of stars. She raised a hand, reaching out and then clenching her fist as if grasping at air. "They're just so pretty…I wanna reach out and touch em. They're like little sparkles of happiness."

"Damn girl." Mercedes muttered with a chuckle. "You're gone."

When it came back around to her, Brittany took the joint between her fingers. Her head lolled back against Santana's chest as she exhaled the smoke. Her arm dropped against the armrest and Santana grabbed the still smoking joint before it could slip from her fingers.

"And that one should just about put you to sleep." Santana said softly, brushing blonde hair away from Brittany's cheek. "Berry, are you sure you don't want to give it a try? I know I speak for the rest of us when I say we would be honored to be present for the popping of your pot cherry."

"No thank you Santana." Rachel replied. "I for one would like to preserve my voice. I do have another audition in two weeks and I intend to be at my best and show them the star that I know I am."

"A simple no would have been plenty." Santana muttered, handing the joint off to Tina.

"You pot heads all in one piece out here?" Quinn called, stepping out onto the deck. She walked over and took a place beside Rachel, nudging her gently with a smile.

"Rachel won't smoke." Brittany said sullenly. "So that means you have to Quinnie."

Quinn laughed and plucked the joint out of Mercedes' waiting hand. "God, it's been years." The blonde said with a laugh. She took a hit and coughed slightly as she exhaled.

"There you go girl, das how you do it." Santana crowed in her best 'Lima Heights Adjacent' accent. Rachel just stared, incredulously, a mix of something else in her dark eyes. Santana chose not to dwell on it as Brittany began to giggle, still sprawled out against her.

Santana watched Tina take the last hit before pinching out the remnants between her fingers.

"Well," Mercedes said, standing to her feet. "I don't know about you all but I'm about to call it a night."

Tina and Santana nodded. The latter nudged Brittany gently. "Wha-just five more minutes." The blonde muttered, practically asleep and limp in Santana's arms.

Santana stood and with Tina's help, pulled Brittany to her feet. The blonde swayed slightly and in an attempt to steady herself, she reached forward trying to grab Santana's arm. She missed and instead ended up groping the Latina's chest, which caused her to giggle.

"I love those." Brittany slurred, giving another squeeze.

Santana couldn't help but laugh as she struggled to keep the blonde upright. "Oh babe, everyone loves those."

"Yeah," Brittany replied, finally flinging her arms around Santana's neck. "But I really love 'em. 'Cause they're all mine."

Tina finally stepped forward, chuckling, and she and Santana each took on of the blonde's arms and prepared to walk her inside when Santana turned back to Quinn and Rachel still on the swing.

"You guys coming in?"

They both blushed slightly and Santana rolled her eyes. "I think we'll sit out a little longer." Quinn said softly.

"Uh huh." Santana muttered. "I better not have to disinfect that cushion…not to mention the sheets on your bed."

Quinn flipped Santana off while Rachel simply looked mortified.

"I miss my cat."

Santana and Tina exchanged glances over Brittany's head as she was slumped against the Latina and the two cuddled on the swing were quickly forgotten.

The two walked the blonde into the bedroom and gently deposited her onto the bed. Santana dropped a kiss onto her forehead before straightening and following Tina out into the living room.

"Thanks for doing that." The Latina said softly.

Tina shrugged, almost awkwardly. "We love you guys. Seemed like the perfect excuse for medicinal use to me…"

Santana laughed. Tina winked before heading upstairs. The Latina turned back to the bedroom, still smiling. She placed her hands on her hips and shook her head as she glanced down at the blonde sprawled across the bed. Her limbs were extended and covered almost every inch of the bed, a clear sign she was relaxed.

"Man, they got you good and baked didn't they babe?" Santana mumbled softly as she attempted to pull the covers back to be able to tuck the sleeping woman in.

"Mmmmmm." Brittany hummed as she flopped back over onto Santana as she slipped under the covers next to her. "Sanny?"

Santana was settling in to sleep; the comfortable warmth of Brittany snuggled next to her and was close to drifting off. "Yeah babe?"

"I'm hungry."

xxxx

Santana woke to sunlight streaming into the room. Glancing toward the window, she could tell it was already a beautiful day. It was a day just screaming to be spent outside in the sunshine.

The brunette sat up, stretching luxuriously. She glanced down at Brittany where she was still sprawled with an arm around Santana's waist. It was the first night the two had slept through entirely and Santana felt refreshed for the first time in a long while.

She gently disentangled herself from the blonde who mumbled in protest before burying her face in the pillow. Santana stepped out into the main living room after washing her face and getting changed. She headed for the kitchen to prepare coffee.

"Good morning. I already made coffee, help yourself." She heard called softly from the dining room table. Turning, she saw Rachel nursing a steaming cup. "It looks like it's going to be a beautiful day. We should all do something outside…go to the lake maybe."

Santana nodded thoughtfully. It might be a good idea to get Brittany out into the sunshine, even if just for a little while. "That sounds kind of good actually."

Quinn came down the stairs a few moments later with a yawn. "Good morning guys."

"Hey Quinn." Santana said softly. She eyed the two of them as they smiled shyly at each other. "Seriously you two? Get a fucking room."

"We did." Quinn replied with a smirk. "Your guest room if you remember."

Santana grimaced and made a gagging motion. "You are bleaching those sheets. Better yet…you're buying a new set."

Quinn dropped a kiss to Rachel's forehead before heading to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. The casserole was baking and the bacon was sizzling when Tina and Mercedes made their way downstairs.

Tina was smiling tenderly at her phone. "Mike says good morning guys."

"I'm surprised you're not going through withdrawals being apart a whole night. You two are joined at the hip." Mercedes said with a smirk. "But you best not try to cuddle me again tonight, even if you were asleep and dreaming of your boy toy."

"For fucks sake, am I gonna need to fumigate this place?" Santana cried.

Brittany wandered out as the food was coming out of the oven. She blearily made her way to Santana who jumped to great her with a hug.

"Hey baby." The brunette said, wrapping the blonde in a warm embrace. "Did you take your morning pain meds?"

Brittany shook her head as she rubbed at her eyes. "No, I wanna see how I do without. I have to get off of them eventually. I'll take one later if I need it."

"Ok B." Santana replied. "That just means you have to eat two helpings of Quinn's breakfast casserole."

"Awesome."

Breakfast passed pleasantly and the dishes were cleared and cleaned leaving the friends ready for the rest of the day. The temperature was already warmer than normal for that time of year and they quickly decided to spend the day outside at the lake. They decided to change into swimsuits and lounge by the water.

Santana was just standing up when she noticed Brittany staring down at her lap, a lost look on her face. The brunette dropped back into her chair next to the blonde and scooted closer to her. "B? What's wrong?"

Brittany looked up at Santana with tears beginning to pool in her eyes. Their friends stood awkwardly, unsure what to do, as the blonde seemed ready to cry.

"I can't go out in a bathing suit San." Brittany whispered sadly. "I don't have anything but a bikini and I can't…I just can't San…the bruises."

Brittany lowered her gaze, ashamed. Santana reached and pulled her hand into her lap and rubbed it soothingly. "I agree babe." She said, her voice unwavering. "It's your first day out in the sun since last summer, you might burn. I think you should leave your t-shirt and shorts on to be safe. I know I am, I don't want to burn either."

"Santana, with your Latin heritage and naturally tan skin I doubt seriously you would ever have to worry about sunburn." Rachel cut in. Even Quinn cringed as Santana cast a furious glare toward the smaller brunette. Santana was ready to throttle the woman for derailing her plan at comforting Brittany.

"Well we weren't all blessed with you guys' ethnic dark skin. I for one, will be covered otherwise I'll look like a lobster by the end of the day." Quinn quickly interjected. She nodded slightly toward Santana at her grateful glance. "So see B, us pale ones need to stick together."

Brittany still looked unsure but nodded. She stood slowly to wander back into the bedroom to get changed. Santana reached for Quinn's elbow and smiled.

"Thanks Q. She's just a little self conscious still with the bruises." Her smiled faded and she scowled, glancing toward the stairs where Rachel had retreated. "Put a muzzle on your midget."

Before Quinn could defend Rachel, Santana sauntered off to the bedroom.

xxxx

The rest of the day was spent with the six of them outside in the sun, enjoying the beautiful weather. Everyone but Santana and Mercedes ended up getting in the water even though the water temperatures were still quite cold. Santana and Mercedes both claimed the water would do nothing for their weaves so they sat on the sand and laughed as the others splashed around.

When Brittany finally collapsed on the towel she and Santana were sharing after a game of water volleyball, she was panting heavily.

"Hi babe." Santana said with a smile. She handed a towel toward the blonde as she began to shiver now that she was out of the cold water.

"Hi Sanny. The water is definitely cold. Next time I'm totally protecting my weave and staying here with you."

Santana laughed and rubbed the blonde's arms to attempt to warm her up. By the time they all trudged back to the house, the evening sun was high in the sky and Brittany was clearly worn out. Santana eyed her worriedly as she limped toward the bedroom for a hot shower.

"She ok?" Mercedes asked.

"Yeah, I'm just worried she's going to wear herself out. She's still sore from the…" Santana sighed and shook her head.

Mercedes draped an arm over her shoulder and squeezed gently. "It's good for her to push herself. She's a strong girl, she'll be back dancing circles around us all in no time."

Santana smiled. Mercedes squeezed her shoulder again and headed upstairs. Santana helped Tina and Quinn decide what to do for dinner while Rachel chatted on the phone with her agent. By the time Santana slipped into the bedroom for her own shower, Brittany was once again sprawled on the bed.

"Britt? Baby, are you ok?"

Brittany hummed in contentment and smiled. "Yeah San. Just resting. I think I'm going to be sore tomorrow."

"Shit babe, want to take a pill?" Santana asked, her brow furrowed in worry.

Brittany smiled and shook her head. "No, I'll just wait until I go to bed. I don't want to sleep through dinner. But I did good today right?"

Santana smiled tenderly. "You did amazing Britt."

"Awesome."

Brittany rested while Santana cleaned up and then they all gathered for dinner. They chatted about the old days in Glee club and shared any gossip they had heard about their fellow members, including Mr. Schuester and Emma expecting their third child and April Rhodes finally making it big in Branson Missouri.

After dinner they settled on the couches and chairs in the living room and continued chatting while the TV provided background noise. The exertion of the day and dinner settling in had Brittany nodding off in Santana's lap before very long. She finally stretched lazily and sat up.

"I think I'll head to bed." She said sleepily.

"Want me to come with you?" Santana asked, already standing from her spot on the couch.

"No." Brittany mumbled with a smile. "You stay, just make sure I get the scoop on Kurt's new dolphin tomorrow. Goodnight everyone."

Santana followed the blonde with her eyes as she hobbled into the bedroom and shut the door. "She's not going to remember to take a pill."

"Is she trying to go off of them?" Quinn asked.

Santana nodded, still eying the door. "Yeah, she doesn't like how they make her feel, even more spacey than usual she says. But she's definitely healing, the first week here she could barely stand up from the couch on her own."

Santana quickly decided it was time to change the topic so she quickly steered the conversation back to Kurt and his latest fling. They chatted for another hour, each relaxed and comfortable when a piercing cry sounded from the bedroom.

The scream had barely registered with the others before Santana was hurdling over the coffee table and sprinting toward the bedroom. "San?" Quinn called out. The brunette ignored her and leapt toward the bed, pulling Brittany into her arms.

The blonde was flailing and crying out even as Santana pulled her close. "It's ok babe, I'm here. It's me, you're ok Brittany. You're safe baby."

Brittany let loose a sob and wrapped her arms around Santana in desperation. She was barely awake, still somewhere between reality and caught in her nightmare.

Quinn appeared in the doorway, a stricken look on her face. "Santana? My God, is she ok?"

"I've got her Quinn." Santana replied, keeping her voice low and even. "Just give us a few minutes ok."

"Sanny?" Brittany cried, her voice laced with panic.

"Quinn please. Just give us a minute." Santana said, tightening her grip on the blonde in her arms.

Tina appeared next to Quinn, sensing her discomfort. "Quinn, can you check on Rachel, I think she's a little freaked." She whispered.

Quinn clenched her jaw and nodded tersely before slipping out of sight. Tina stepped closer. "Where are her pills? Can I get anything?"

Santana nodded toward the bathroom. "The Xanax is in the medicine cabinet, we need one pill. And can you get her a glass of water?"

Tina nodded and quickly scampered toward the bathroom. When she returned with the water and pill, Brittany flinched in Santana's arms, sensing someone's approach.

"Easy babe, its just Tina. She's got your medicine and some water ok?"

Brittany whimpered and burrowed further into Santana's arms. "I thought I was better. I should be better San." She cried pitifully.

"It's ok babe, it's ok." Santana took the pill from Tina's hand and nodded gratefully. She coached the pill into Brittany's mouth and helped her swallow with a few gulps of water. "Thank you." She said softly to Tina.

Tina nodded and smiled sadly before exiting and softly shutting the door behind her.

"Come on babe, just lay back, it's ok." Santana soothed, lowering them back onto the bed. "You're safe here. I've got you, I promise."

Brittany continued to whimper slightly as Santana situated them horizontally on the bed. The brunette draped blankets over them and Brittany continued to cling to her desperately. Santana continued to hold her tightly until her breathing evened out and the Xanax finally took affect, leaving the blonde in a deep sleep.

xxxx

Santana emerged from the room an hour later to find the house mostly dark. Only the kitchen light over the sink was still glowing, casting barely any light over the rest of the house. Even in the soft light, Santana could make out the lone figure of someone sitting patiently on the couch facing the bedroom door.

"Come have a drink with me Santana." Quinn said solemnly.

Santana cautiously made her way to the couch and settled in beside the blonde. Quinn cracked open the bottle of rum she found in the cupboard and poured two glasses.

The two women clinked their glasses together silently before downing the contents. Both hissed quietly at the sting.

"How much longer are you going to do this?" Quinn asked quietly, refilling their glasses.

"Until she's ready to go home." Santana replied firmly.

Quinn sighed and placed her glass back on the coffee table. "San, there's no doubt you're doing an amazing thing here…but it's too much. She needs-"

"How the fuck do you know what she needs Quinn? Huh?" Santana interrupted, her voice harsh and cold. "We've been together our whole lives, minus the obvious times when I fucked up, but for the last ten years, I've held her and been with her. I know her and I know what she needs."

Quinn sighed again. "Of course you know her Santana, no one denies that you're the one to best help her with this. But that scream I just heard? She's not ok Santana."

The Latina clenched her jaw and willed herself to calm before replying. "She's just tired. Today was more active than she's used to and she's just overtired."

"Santana, for Christ's sake, that scream…I'm just worried she needs more help than you can give her."

Santana watched as Quinn pulled her hands into her lap. She clenched her jaw, squared her shoulders and sighed. "You'd understand if you knew all the facts. If you had any idea…what if it was Rachel?"

Quinn gasped, not expecting Rachel to be brought into the equation. Santana immediately felt bad and cringed. "I'm sorry Quinn, that was out of line. You just don't know all the facts. You don't know what she did…what she went through."

"Then tell me. I want to help. We all want to help. Christ Santana, she has her family and us, there are professionals; it doesn't all have to be on you. Why do you insist on doing this all on your own?"

"Because of what she did for me. It has to be me. You just don't know…" Santana said, her voice thick with tears.

"Then tell me, _please_!" Quinn replied, near desperation. "I want to help, I swear. Please talk to me…"

Santana sighed and didn't make a move to stop the tears that leaked from her eyes. She reached and downed the rest of the liquor in her glass. "You know the gist of what happened. I'm going to explain the rest you don't know. Maybe then you'll understand why it has to be me…"


	5. Chapter 5

A/N – another graphic flashback so I wanted to throw out a warning. I'm not feeling great about this chapter, I felt parts are repetitive but that could just be me. I have to say...Naya Rivera can do no wrong. I generally have no faith in the writers for the show but I'm keepin' my fingers crossed. Ok, I don't own this stuff. Sorry for the long ramble.

Chapter 5

_Santana willed her gaze to remain strong as she eyed the man who squatted in front of her._

"_Your girl was good." James said with a smirk. "I imagine you'll be just as good."_

_Santana switched her gaze to Brittany who was now watching the man intently. The brunette tried to catch her frightened gaze, hoping to calm her as the blonde's breathing became harsh and erratic. Santana realized her own fate then as the man reached for her. _

_Santana turned back to the man reaching for her, hoping her signature glare was firmly in place. Before James could actually drop a hand onto her, he jerked sideways, a force connecting with him hard from the side. The large man fell to the side with a growl and Santana realized it was Brittany who had thrown him off of his feet. Santana wasn't even certain how the blonde had pulled herself up so quickly, let alone had the strength to rush the man._

_Brittany was attempting to pull him to the ground, kicking and clawing with every bit of strength that she had remaining. Santana felt her breath hitch and hoped for one brief second that Brittany might actually succeed in bringing the man down. James gagged as Brittany's fist connected with his throat and he tried to put distance between them. The blonde held on however and continued to claw at him as he scrambled away._

"_Fuck! Get her off me!" James yelled to Rick as she continued to fight him. The younger man stood frozen._

_The fierce display was so unlike the gentle, peace-loving Brittany that Santana couldn't help but admire the strange beauty of it. But it couldn't last. Brittany was flagging, her strength already drained from the previous attack, broken before she had even begun to fight. James regrouped and the blonde even seemed resigned to her fate, her breath leaving her as he connected a thick boot to her ribs. His fist sounded against her face and before Brittany could register what was happening, James was slamming into her and flipping her forcefully onto her back against the pavement once again. _

_Even then she continued to fight, lifting a knee trying to connect with any sensitive area of his body but he twisted away, connecting a fist to her jaw yet again. He continued to pummel her with blows until she fell limp. _

"_So this is how it's going to be huh?" James muttered as he again began to fumble with her clothing. He jerked her jeans down to her ankles and with one final backhand to her face, dropped himself down onto the blonde once again._

_Santana could only watch in horror as Brittany's face tightened and her jaw clenched in agony as James continued to thrust in and out of her forcefully._

_James finally slumped forward, covering Brittany as he panted, trying to regain his breath. "Come on Rick," he mumbled. "Your turn again."_

_Rick stared, almost horrified at the sight before him. The blonde was limp and her breathing ragged and shallow as James pulled himself away and to his feet. The young man shook his head slightly, as if to clear it of what he had just witnessed. _

"_I…I think I'm played out, ya know?" Rick stuttered. James scoffed before the young man continued. "And I think she's had enough."_

_James pulled himself to his feet, still smirking at the younger man. He eyed Brittany, lying limp on the ground and with a growl, delivered one final kick to her abdomen. He then turned and stumbled toward Santana, still immobile on the ground as he tried to collect himself. He stood before her; again towering over the bleeding Latina and a smile split his face. Santana heard Brittany whimper in the background, this time unable to attempt to intervene. _

_Santana steeled her gaze as much as she could and refused to show him weakness or fear. She was determined to take what he had to offer and live through it, if for no other reason than to help Brittany recover from what she had just been through. Her girl needed her; Santana wasn't about to be broken by this man. She glared as best she could, hoping the man could feel just how much she loathed him._

_Before James could reach for her, Santana's phone rang out loudly from her jacket pocket. The sound seemed to startle Rick who was still hovering in the background. James squinted his eyes and growled as he looked around to figure out where the sound was coming from. _

"_Man, come on, let's get out of here!" Rick insisted, almost pulling the older man's arm. "Forget them James, come on!"_

_James sighed and nodded slightly. The man held Santana's gaze for a few seconds more before he smiled down at her. "You're a lucky woman. See you around baby." With a wink over his shoulder he was gone._

xxxx

Santana was still exhausted when she opened her eyes the next morning. She glanced sideways and sighed when she saw Brittany staring up at the ceiling, her eyes clouded and red rimmed.

"How long have you been awake?" Santana whispered.

Brittany turned her head and gave a wan smile toward the Latina. She grimaced just at the slight movement and Santana knew immediately that the blonde was sore from her overexertion the day before. "I woke up a while ago. It was still dark out."

"Britt, why didn't you wake me? You need a painkiller?"

The blonde sighed and nodded. "You need sleep San, I didn't want to wake you up. I do that enough…"

Santana was out of the bed and back with a pain pill and water in an instant. She helped Brittany sit upright and down the pill before easing her back down onto the pillows.

"Brittany, you shouldn't have just laid there hurting." Santana scolded slightly. "That's why we have the pills, to keep you from hurting. I can sleep when I'm old and gray."

The blonde smiled tenderly at the thought. "Do they make gray weaves San?"

The brunette chuckled as Brittany's eyes drifted closed, the pill taking effect finally. She stayed beside her until she was certain the blonde was asleep and then Santana quietly slipped out of the bedroom.

She found Quinn seated on the couch again, staring out the window as if lost in thought. Santana settled in beside her and nudged her shoulder gently. "Everyone else still asleep?"

Quinn sighed and nodded. "Britt? Is she sleeping in?"

"Yeah, she just took a pain pill so she'll be out for a little while. I think we may need a quiet day today."

"I think that's a good idea." Quinn replied quietly. "Santana, I'm sorry if I pushed too much last night. Maybe I shouldn't have…"

"It was a lot to dump on you." Santana whispered. "I just…I'm kind of glad someone else knows now. Knows what Brittany did for me. I wasn't raped Quinn, because she stopped it from happening. I'm glad someone else knows and I'm sorry if that's selfish and I'm sorry if it was too much for you take on."

Quinn finally met Santana's eye. She squeezed the brunette's hand. "No. I'm glad I know. It was a lot to hear but I'm glad you told me. I'm glad you trusted me to tell me. That's why we're here Santana, to be here for both of you."

"I love you Quinn Fabray." Santana choked out. "I don't tell you that enough. But I love you…even if you are dating a lawn decoration."

Quinn snorted out a laugh before backhanding Santana on the shoulder. "Once a bitch, always a bitch."

"Come on," Santana said through a laugh, "Let's go start on breakfast."

The two wandered into the kitchen and by the time they placed the waffles on the table, Tina, Mercedes, and Rachel had also gathered. Just as they were all about to sit down at the table, Brittany stumbled out of the bedroom, eyes barely open. She was scratching her belly, her hair in disarray, and her t-shirt and pajama pants askew.

"Want some waffles babe?" Santana called.

Brittany grunted and mumbled something before flopping onto the couch. Quinn and Rachel exchanged a glance. "Is she ok?" Rachel whispered.

Santana smirked and nodded. "Percocet is a beautiful thing." She stepped around the couch and knelt in front of the blonde. "Babe, you ok? Think you could eat something?"

Brittany continued to grumble and turned onto her side, burrowing into the couch cushions with her back turned to Santana. The brunette was pretty sure she could make out the words, "later," "sleepy," "syrup," and "duck."

Santana chuckled and squeezed Brittany's shoulder before heading back to the table.

"Translation please?" Mercedes asked laughing.

"I think she's going to sleep a little longer but later wants waffles with lots of syrup." Santana replied, taking her seat. She pursed her lips and arched a brow. "And probably wants the waffles cut into the shape of a duck."

"Girl you are whipped." Mercedes replied.

Santana's gaze fell slightly. "Well, she deserves it…"

Rachel eyed Santana and Quinn who had also grown quiet. She reached out and squeezed the blonde's hand. From her spot beside her, Quinn met Rachel's gaze and smiled sadly.

The mood remained somewhat somber the rest of the morning. When Brittany roused from the couch, everyone tried to be cheerful around her but even she could sense the tension. She retreated to the bedroom for her afternoon dose of medication earlier than usual.

Santana followed her as their friends scattered, Rachel and Quinn particularly wandering off alone for a walk. Santana closed the door behind her softly and moved closer to the bed where Brittany was sitting, gazing at the floor between her feet.

"Brittany? Anything wrong?"

The blonde glanced up sadly. "I didn't mean to make it weird." She whispered.

"Make what weird Britt?" Santana asked, confused. "Come on now, talk to me."

Brittany shrugged her shoulders and sighed. "Last night…I didn't mean to mess up everyone's good time. Everything is all weird now. You all were tense and bad vibey once I got up. I didn't mean to…"

"Oh babe," Santana said softly, dropping next to the blonde on the bed. "They weren't being weird because of your nightmare. Honestly, they were just reacting to Quinn and me. I probably should have talked to you before but…I told Quinn everything. She was so worried last night after you fell asleep and she kept asking so I told her. It was a lot for her to hear so I think maybe she's a little sad and the others could tell."

"Quinn's sad?" Brittany asked, finally raising her head. "Why is she sad? She shouldn't be sad."

"Why not B? Why can't she be sad about what happened? She loves you; you know that. She's sad because of what happened to you."

Brittany shook her head. "But San, why do you keep talking about what happened to me? You were hurt too. She should be sad for you too, not just me."

Santana cringed but didn't want Brittany to stop talking if she felt like opening up. "I know Britt, but, you have to admit that what happened to you was way worse than what happened to me. It didn't happen to me because of what you did…you protected me when I couldn't protect you."

Brittany squared her shoulders, her gaze unwavering. "Santana, I would go through that again a magillion times to keep you safe. I love you. And to be honest, I think I would rather go through what I did than ever see someone hurt you that way. I don't think I could stand it if I had to watch someone hurt you like that. I kind of think you feel the same way; you would have traded places with me. I know you would have because I know you love me. But I could never let that happen. So you see…we were both hurt, just in different ways and both really bad. So I don't want Quinn to be sad just for me."

Santana had tears leaking from her eyes and as Brittany brushed them away, she grasped the blonde's hand and pressed it to her lips. "I love you…so much Brittany."

"I know Sanny." Brittany whispered. "You wouldn't have done all this and taken such good care of me if you didn't. I love you too."

Santana pulled the blonde closer and pressed a kiss to her temple. "What do you say we knock you out with pain pills and I go have a chat with these crazy people and tell them to lighten up?"

Brittany chuckled and nodded. "Sounds good. I am still tired and kind of sore from yesterday. Maybe tonight we can all forget this mess and have a good dinner? I think Mercedes owes us chicken."

"Deal babe." Santana replied with a smile. She waited with Brittany until the pills took effect and then slipped back outside into the living room.

As hard as she tried, Santana couldn't shake the melancholy that had settled over her after sharing with Quinn. She half expected the blonde to be waiting for her on the couch again. She was surprised to instead see Rachel.

The smaller brunette smiled warmly as Santana approached. "I put an extra pot of coffee on." She said quietly. "Seemed like we could all use a little pick me up."

Santana nodded, not sure what to do with herself. "Thanks. I could use a cup I think. Where is everyone?"

"Tina and Mercedes took the car into town to pick up a few things. Quinn is upstairs, she'll be down in a few minutes."

The Latina wanted to question what Tina and Mercedes needed to pick up but Rachel didn't give her the chance. "Santana, I think you should take a walk with me."

Santana immediately turned back and looked toward her bedroom door.

"I think it would be good for you." Rachel continued.

Santana sighed and pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. "I don't now. Someone should be here in case she wakes up disoriented or upset."

"Quinn is here." Rachel immediately replied. "She can take care of her…in fact, I'd say she's dying for the chance to prove she can, to be needed."

"I don't know…"

"Please," Rachel said with a smile. "Quinn is more than capable of dealing with someone in hysterics…she's dating me after all."

Santana couldn't help but laugh. "That is the most logical statement I've heard in a long time."

Rachel chuckled softly. "Ok, you fill up a mug of coffee, I'll round up Quinn."

Santana sighed and nodded, still slightly uncertain. While she was preparing her coffee, Quinn came back downstairs, evidence of tears still clear on her face. Santana wanted to question her but Rachel beat her to it.

Rachel pulled Quinn into her arms and hugged her tightly. Santana glanced away slightly embarrassed to be witnessing the exchange.

"Santana and I are going for a short walk. Brittany is sleeping but we were hoping you could stay close in case she wakes up and needs something? Besides Santana, you're probably the only one who could comfort her if she's upset or something."

Quinn's gaze seemed to soften at Rachel's words and just as the brunette guessed, she was happy to feel needed. She hadn't been sure where she fit into her friends' recovery, especially when Santana had insisted on the two of them going away. She realized it was a small thing but Quinn was more than happy to contribute.

The blonde dropped to the couch facing the bedroom as if guarding the door and ready to jump at the slightest whimper.

Santana hugged Quinn from behind and dropped a kiss to the top of her head as she passed on the way out the door. "I've got my cell if you need anything…but I trust you to keep an eye on her. We won't be gone long."

Quinn nodded and smiled slightly as the two made their way outside.

Santana and Rachel walked slowly, taking the winding path toward the lake. Rachel would glance sideways every so often, gauging the Latina's mood as she sipped her coffee. Finally, when she was at least somewhat convinced there was enough caffeine in Santana's system to keep her from lashing out, Rachel cleared her throat.

"Santana," she said softly. "As often as I seem to never say the right thing…or more like always say the wrong thing, I hope you know how much I care about the both of you."

Santana sniffed slightly. "I know. And Britt loves you. And apparently Quinn loves you so I'm outnumbered. I guess I don't have much choice but…well, I care about you too. And I really appreciate the way you've been there for us since this started. But I appreciate how you've been there for Quinn too. I haven't meant to cut her out or anything."

"She knows that Santana." Rachel replied without hesitation. "We were talking on the way up here. We are all just amazed at how strong you both are. We're just in awe of the way you saw what needed to be done and you dropped everything and brought Brittany here. Your connection is amazing."

"My girl needed me." Santana whispered. She swallowed thickly at the feeling of tears stinging her eyes again. "I had to do something. After what she did for me…"

Rachel eyed the Latina as the memories clearly wormed their way back in. Santana had her jaw clenched and she was gripping the coffee cup in a death grip. "Santana?"

Santana growled lowly as she cast her eyes to the sky, willing the tears to dry. "I'm sorry. I just…_fuck_!"

The Latina stopped abruptly and threw her coffee mug with all her might. It shattered against a tree and she let out a piercing scream. Rachel flinched slightly but quirked a brow.

"Feel better?" she asked, still smirking slightly.

Santana was panting as she finished screaming. "Yeah, actually I do. I wish that tree had been that mother fuckers face but that'll do I suppose."

Rachel laughed slightly. "You're not the only one who wants to break something on his face Santana. Their faces I should say. There is a special place in hell for the likes of them, I'm certain of it."

"Yeah, I think you're right about that Berry…Rachel." She corrected. "I'm sorry I was so hard on you…for our whole lives basically. You're ok for a dwarf."

Rachel smiled and bumped Santana's shoulder with her own. "You're not too bad either…for a bitch."

Santana snorted a laugh and nodded in acknowledgment. They walked on in companionable silence until they reached the edge of the lake. As they gazed out over the calm water, Santana couldn't help but become contemplative again.

"Did she tell you?" she asked softly. "Did Quinn tell you?"

Rachel sighed and nodded. "She did, last night. She was pretty upset. But honestly, she didn't have to tell me. I had my suspicions."

Santana nodded and kept her gaze out over the water. They stood in silence for a few minutes longer before the Latina broke the quiet again.

"Things were so good you know?" She said quietly. "I fucked up badly in high school, no doubt. But once we got back together, things were perfect. Things have been perfect for years now and we were so happy. Then…in one night, everything is all messed up. She's so innocent and they fucking stomped all over that. And I'm trying, really trying, but what if we can't come back from this?"

Rachel felt her emotions swirl within her at Santana voluntarily opening up to her in that way. She sighed and reached to place a hand on the Latina's shoulder. "Santana, you two love each other. That's the most important thing. I've never met anyone like Brittany. She's kind and caring and loves everyone. You especially. The connection you and Brittany have…its amazing Santana. You two are clearly endgame. You can get through anything as long as you stick together, I promise you that."

Santana sighed and met Rachel's intense gaze. "I know you're right. I love her and she loves me. But…having the person you love flinch away from you because of something that someone else did, how someone else hurt her, it just kills."

"It does." Rachel replied softly.

Santana startled slightly. "What? How do you…"

Rachel shrugged. "Because it happened to someone I loved. The first woman I ever dated. We were in college and one night, she was walking home after a late class and some drunken upperclassman jumped her. She tried to fight him off but…"

"Shit." Santana muttered, feeling her own heart clench.

Rachel smiled sadly. "She was so broken after. I couldn't hug her or comfort her without her flinching. I've never been so angry or wanted to kill someone so much in my life…and I didn't even witness it like you did. So in that sense, I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through."

"Your friend…is she ok?" Santana asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"Yeah," Rachel replied with a definitive nod. "She's ok. We turned out ok. But we didn't work out because we didn't have the connection that you guys do. We loved each other but we weren't in love. Not like you and Brittany. She's happily married now with a baby. She's ok."

Santana wiped her face tiredly with a hand. "But did you…I mean, were you able to get past it before you broke up?"

"We were." Rachel said with another nod. "It took a while for us but we finally managed to get back on level turf, emotionally and physically. I had to get creative to help get us there."

"I'm just so afraid of hurting her or scaring her." Santana said quietly. "I think it's going to be a long time before we're back to normal…if we ever can be."

"Has she let you touch her yet?" Rachel asked.

Santana blushed but cringed at the same time. "Rachel, I realize we might be bonding and all that right now, but I'm not sure I can talk about this with you."

"Who then?" Rachel asked, undaunted. "Quinn? Puck?"

Santana groaned. "God no, not Puck. And not Quinn either."

"Ok, then talk to me."

Santana sighed. "Well…no. She hasn't let me touch her. But…she made love to me a few nights before you all got here. It was amazing but kind of strange and heart breaking too."

"How do you mean?" Rachel asked.

Santana began to feel uncomfortable and felt a blush rising. "Well, it was just different. She's usually so confident with me but…it was like she was touching me for the first time. She said she needed it to be slow so I was afraid to even try to hold her hand or anything."

"I understand." Rachel said with a nod. "It was the same with Jill. I was terrified of hurting her or frightening her. I can tell you what worked for us…what helped get us back on track but honestly, its intense. And will take a lot out of the both of you."

"But if it could help her…I can wait for as long as she needs. But she feels so guilty and self-conscious now because we were so active before. I love her for so much more than just the sex, but she feels guilty that she's still afraid to be touched. What did you do? I'll do anything to help her."

"Well," Rachel said with a smile. "Finally someone who can appreciate my great knowledge and put it to good use. I'm such an under appreciated talent really."

Santana groaned. "Fuck Berry, I am so going to regret this I just know it."

Rachel laughed loudly before linking her arm through Santana's and pulling her closer.

xxxx

When the two finally returned to the lake house, arm in arm, they found their two favorite blondes cuddled together on the couch. Brittany was leaning against Quinn, her head on her shoulder and an arm wrapped lazily around her waist. Quinn had her own head leaned against Brittany's and with an arm draped over the taller woman's shoulder, she was absentmindedly playing with blonde hair.

At the sound of the door opening, Quinn glanced over her shoulder. "It's about time you two got back. Britts and I were about to come looking for you. We were worried you tried to drown each other in the lake."

Brittany giggled and tightened her grip on Quinn's waist. "Not true, I knew Rachel would never hurt you Sanny."

"But you thought I would hurt her?" Santana asked in mock indignation.

Brittany continued to laugh lightly. "Well you do call her names…like midget, dwarf, hobbit, lawn gnome, man hands, short stack, lollipop kid…I forget the rest." She said, counting off each jab on her fingers.

Santana plopped down on the couch next to the two blondes and sighed. "Well, we've come to an agreement, the dwarf and I, we're both crazy about the two of you so nothing else really matters."

Brittany smiled warmly and pulled herself from Quinn, in turn flopping herself onto Santana. The brunette and Quinn exchanged a warm smile on either side of Brittany. The taller blonde planted a wet kiss on Santana's cheek before turning and throwing her legs over Quinn's lap with her upper body draped over the brunette's.

"Not bad," she mumbled, still squirming to get comfortable. "You're both comfy."

xxxx

When Tina and Mercedes returned from their supply run, Rachel met them outside the door and commandeered the bags, placing then inside the small laundry room off of the entryway. She gave Santana a slight nod as they passed each other.

Later that evening, Mercedes was in the kitchen preparing her famous family chicken and Quinn was silently lending a hand. Once everything was in the oven and there was nothing to do but wait, Mercedes wandered out to chat with the others. Quinn remained behind, alone in the kitchen.

It was there that Santana cornered her, hoping to make sure they were ok with the events that had transpired. Quinn refused to acknowledge her or make eye contact as she continued to stir the pot of rice to accompany the chicken. Santana sighed and reached for the blonde, placing an arm on her shoulder.

"Quinn…" Santana said softly.

The blonde dropped the spoon back into the kettle of rice before turning back to the Latina, and suddenly her face crumpled. The first thing she could process was that Quinn Fabray was crying…Quinn Fabray never cries…

Santana suddenly pulled the blonde into her arms and attempted to comfort her. "It's ok Quinn." She muttered softly. "Everything is going to be ok."

Quinn shook her head against the brunette's shoulder, no sound coming from her mouth, her shoulders quivering. Santana held her silently, holding her friend tightly until Brittany wandered in and gave them a curious look. At Santana's sad gaze, Brittany nodded knowingly.

"Quinn, please don't drip on our food or anything." Brittany said softly. She stepped closer and pulled the blonde from Santana's embrace, into her own. "Don't cry Quinnie…please."

Quinn sighed loudly, as if trying to control her emotions if for no other reason than to please Brittany. Santana ran a hand down Brittany's back gently. She gave her a questioning look but at Brittany's smile and slight nod, the brunette slipped out of the kitchen, leaving the two friends to comfort each other.

When Brittany emerged a short while later, Santana noticed that her eyes were red and puffy but she smiled bravely and gave the brunette a tender kiss before settling down on the couch beside her. Quinn followed a short while later, looking more composed and less troubled.

Dinner passed pleasantly. Even Brittany seemed relaxed and no one gave the previous night's incident a second thought. Santana threw a dinner roll at Rachel when she got overly excited about a new Broadway play and attempted to serenade them with all the major musical numbers. Quinn jumped in to her defense while Tina and Mercedes just rolled their eyes and laughed at both of them.

Later that night, after everyone had retreated to their bedrooms, Santana and Brittany were cuddling and whispering softly.

"Today was a good day babe." Santana said, threading their fingers together as they lay facing each other.

Brittany smiled and nodded. "It's been a good couple of days…except for last night. That was bad, but like you said, I was just tired."

"It's been a _great_ couple of days." Santana replied. "And we'll have a lot more, you're doing amazing Brittany. _You're_ amazing."

The blonde's gaze turned serious and she leaned closer and cupped Santana's face with her hand. She pressed their lips together. The smaller woman felt a moan escape as Brittany deepened the kiss.

Gentle hands began to caress Santana's body and when Brittany slipped a hand under the brunette's shirt, Santana gasped but didn't resist as the blonde pulled the clothing off and tossed it away.

"Babe, we have a house full of guests." She whispered, breathlessly.

"And if we don't fool around, they'll really start to worry about us." Brittany was flush against the smaller woman and was kissing down the column of Santana's neck as she palmed a soft breast. "And we're Santana and Brittany…it's what we do. We have sex, like a lot. Besides, I bet Rachel and Quinn are totally doing it right now."

"Oh fuck Brittany! That is not the mental image I need right now. I-oh shit babe." Santana moaned, arching, as Brittany slipped her hand into the Latina's pajama pants.

"I want to love you Santana." The blonde whispered. "I love you, I want to show you."

Santana nodded, already breathless as Brittany slipped inside. "Oh God, I love you Brittany…so much."

The blonde smiled sweetly and when Santana climaxed with her name on her lips, Brittany felt lighter than she had in weeks. She hovered over the brunette as she caught her breath, gently brushing hair from the Latina's sweaty forehead.

When Santana had calmed, Brittany leaned and pressed their lips together in a gentle kiss. She then settled onto her back and pulled the smaller woman flush against her. Santana laughed softly and draped an arm and leg over the blonde, her head resting on her shoulder.

"Shit babe…" Santana said, still tingling. "Rachel and Quinn have nothing on us. That was amazing."

Brittany smiled widely and lightly ran her hands up and down on Santana's back and arm. The brunette pressed a kiss to Brittany's jaw and eased her hand under the blonde's t-shirt. Santana felt Brittany tense almost immediately and she stilled her hand against the blonde's stomach.

"Not yet Sanny…I-I'm sorry." Brittany whispered sadly.

Santana propped herself up on her elbow and gazed down at the blonde. "Don't you dare apologize Brittany." She moved her hand from Brittany's stomach up to cup her cheek. "We've got all the time in the world babe. I love you and I'll say it again…I'm not going anywhere."

Brittany sniffled as a few tears began to escape. "You'll wait for me?"

Santana brushed the tears away with her thumb and gave a mock disapproving glare. "What kind of question is that? You must be overtired to ask such a crazy thing. Of course I'll wait for you, for as long as you'll let me. You're stuck with me Brittany."

The blonde finally smiled again, and convinced that the mood was properly lightened, Santana settled back down onto the pillows and cuddled Brittany closer. They were just drifting off into sleep when a suspicious moan and a bed creaking sounded from above them.

"Fuck." Santana moaned. "We are so calling an exterminator once these freaks leave."

As another loud moan sounded, Brittany laughed. "I think we may need to even call in the ghost busters San, they're serious up there. At least maybe Quinn will be in a better mood tomorrow."

"From the sound of it, she won't be able to walk tomorrow." Santana mumbled, burying her head underneath the pillows.

"San?" Brittany said quietly.

"Yeah babe?" the brunette muttered.

Santana tensed when she felt Brittany lightly running her nails down her back. "San, you said they don't have anything on us. I think maybe you should drown them out."

The Latina popped up from under the pillow immediately and gave Brittany a questioning look. At the blonde's devilish grin, Santana smiled widely and let Brittany push her back down onto the pillow again.

Any noise from above was soon forgotten.

xxxx

The next morning, Rachel was up before anyone else and had already prepared pancakes and chopped fresh fruit by the time the others rolled out of bed. Santana and Brittany emerged last, hand in hand and smiling sweetly at each other.

"Good morning ladies." Rachel chirped. "I trust you slept well?"

"Yeah," Santana replied with a slight scowl. "No thanks to the noises coming from your room last night."

Brittany laughed as Rachel's eyes widened and she blushed furiously. Quinn on the other hand simply looked smug and much more relaxed and happy than she had the day before.

While the others mingled in the kitchen and placed everything around the table, Brittany plopped down on the couch next to Quinn and linked their arms, sighing in contentment. "Don't pay any attention to San, Quinn." Brittany said softly. "I'm glad you had a good night. You need to relax. And I'm glad Rachel takes care of you."

Quinn smiled at Brittany, a blush beginning to creep into her cheeks. "I love her."

Brittany smiled at Quinn's soft declaration and scooted in closer, dropping her head on her friend's shoulder. "I know, I can tell. She loves you too. Take care of each other. Protect each other."

Quinn sighed and squeezed Brittany's hand. "Like you protected Santana?"

"Like we protect each other." Brittany replied, pulling away and meeting Quinn's hazel eyes with her own steady gaze. "Quinn, don't be sad for me. If you have to be sad, be sad for Santana too. She's hurting too…and broken.

She's trying so hard to fix me that I'm worried she's not taking care of herself. I try to help her but…I'm being selfish. She's been so great with me and I don't know how to be there for her. She's so tough but this has really messed her up. She's always taken care of me, ya know? And-and the one time she couldn't stop me from being hurt…well, she feels like she let me down. But there was nothing she could have done; she couldn't fight them both off. They hurt her too; she was hurt too. I want to make her feel better but I don't know how. How am I supposed to be there for her?"

Quinn brushed tears away that were slowly leaking from Brittany's blue eyes and ignored her own tears. "You just let her love you. That's how you be there for her. And you listen when she talks to you. You just love her Brittany, and you do that. I only hope Rachel and I can someday have a fraction of what you two have."

"You know I hate science Quinn." Brittany mumbled as she pulled the other blonde in for a hug. "I know you and Rachel would do anything for each other. I did what I had to do for Santana, just like you would for Rachel. I don't understand why everyone is making such a big deal out this; I couldn't let him touch my Sanny. I couldn't let him hurt her."

Quinn pulled away and smiled tenderly. "I don't think you have any idea just how special you are Brittany."

Brittany shrugged. "I know I'm not exactly…normal." She said quietly.

"That's not what I meant Brittany." Quinn insisted. "You're amazing. And I don't think you realize that."

"I'm not smart in many things." Brittany said softly. "But I'm smart in Santana. I know she's sad and scared. She spends so much time trying to look after me that she's not dealing with her own stuff. I'd do anything for her. I want to help her but I don't know how."

"I know that, and Santana knows that." Quinn replied with a smile. "Let her take care of you Brittany. That'll help her more than you could imagine. I can't lie, I've been worried about you two here all alone, but I really think being here with you, for you, has helped Santana. You love each other and you'd both do anything to protect each other. You're both going to be just fine."

Brittany smiled finally and nodded. "You're right Quinn. You always were so smart. Thanks for talking to me. You're a great friend." She flung herself forward and wrapped her arms around the smaller blonde in a tight hug. Quinn laughed lightly and returned the embrace.

The two were still hugging when Santana rounded the corner from the kitchen with a quirked brow. "Alright you two break it up. Berry and I are getting jealous. Come eat breakfast."

"Don't be jealous Sanny, haven't I always told you that you're the one who gets my sweet lady kisses?" Brittany replied, jumping up to move closer to Santana.

The brunette chuckled and allowed Brittany to engulf her in a warm embrace. "Thanks for the reminder babe. You two ok?"

Brittany pulled away and glanced back toward Quinn who was standing just a few steps away. "Yeah, we're good. Right Quinnie?"

Quinn smiled widely. "Yeah, Britt, we're good. You're a lucky woman Santana Lopez. You both are."

Santana watched as Quinn slipped past them and headed toward the kitchen and Rachel's waiting arm. Santana gave Brittany a questioning glance but the blonde just giggled and pulled the brunette closer.

Breakfast passed quietly. After they had eaten their share, they all remained close to the table, talking for a long while. No one wanted the visit to end.

"Well," Mercedes said finally. "I guess we should get our things together to head home."

Tina nodded sadly. "Yeah, I've got an early day tomorrow."

Quinn and Rachel nodded as well. "And I need to get back to work eventually." The blonde replied.

An hour later, the table was cleared and their guests were bringing their bags back down to the doorway to load into the car. Rachel pulled Santana aside and hugged her.

"Remember what I told you?" Rachel asked softly.

Santana nodded, still holding the smaller woman tightly. "I remember. Thanks for everything Rachel…I really appreciate everything you've done for us, and for Quinn."

"I love you guys, we all do." Rachel replied. "And I love Quinn. I'd do anything for her."

At the same time, Brittany and Quinn were also embracing each other tenderly. "Thanks for coming Quinn."

Quinn smiled and ran her hand through Brittany's blonde hair. "Of course. I'd do anything for the two of you as well. I love you guys."

"I know." Brittany replied. "We both know. We're doing ok, we're going to be ok."

Quinn sighed and pulled away, smiling. "You are."

The bags were finally loaded into the SUV and the friends hovered around the car, not sure how to actually leave. Finally, Rachel pulled Quinn gently by the hand toward the car, Tina and Mercedes following silently.

They all hugged once again and a few tears were shed. Brittany and Santana stood on the porch, hands clasped as their friends finally filed into the car. They stepped closer once their friends were settled.

"Thank you for coming." Santana said, her eyes full of tears as she peered into the SUV window. "We-I…"

Brittany stepped closer to Santana and wrapped her arms around her from behind. "We love you guys." She said softly. "Thanks so much for being here."

The blonde kept her arms tightly around Santana as their friend's pulled away. They watched the vehicle fade from sight before silently slipping back inside the house, the quiet suddenly deafening.

xxxx

The next few days passed slowly. Brittany struggled to adjust to the quiet that settled between the two of them once their visitors left. Santana tried to keep the blonde occupied and engaged but she seemed to be slipping further and further into her mind now that the distraction of their friends was removed.

Santana sighed as Brittany once again flinched away from her touch. They were settled on the couch and the brunette had simply tried to drape her arm over the blonde's shoulder and pull her closer but Brittany had whimpered and burrowed into the arm of the couch, away from Santana's touch.

Santana decided she had no choice but put Rachel's plan into action. She would have to wait until the perfect moment but she was determined to try to help Brittany, any way she knew how. Finally, later in the afternoon a few days after their friends' departure, she found Brittany huddled on the couch watching the sun dip lower toward the skyline. Days of watching Brittany barely eat, barely sleep, and barely acknowledge her presence, had Santana desperate to try anything to set things straight once again.

She settled onto the couch beside Brittany and reached for her hand. Brittany furrowed her brow but didn't try to pull her hand away.

"What's going on in there?" Santana asked softly, lifting her unoccupied hand to gently caress blonde locks. "You haven't talked to me in days…what's going on?"

"I don't know San." Brittany whispered. "I don't know."

Santana reached and turned Brittany's face toward her and timidly pressed her lips to the blondes. She cupped Brittany's cheek, still kissing her tenderly and finally, the blonde responded and returned the kiss.

"Let me take care of you tonight." Santana whispered, her forehead pressed against Brittany's.

"Isn't that what you've been doing Sanny?" Brittany said quietly.

Santana pulled away and looked deeply into the blonde's intense blue eyes. "Well then, let me really take care of you tonight. Please."

Brittany inhaled and exhaled a shaky breath, Quinn's words sounding in her mind. _Just let her love you, that's how you be there for her._

Santana pressed a kiss to Brittany's knuckles and kept her gaze firm. Brittany felt her own tears pooling, afraid of what might be ahead.

Santana recognized the fear and smiled sadly. "Do you trust me Brittany? Please trust me."

Brittany looked deeply into Santana's dark eyes and swallowed thickly. "I do. I trust you San." She whispered.

Santana smiled and rose to her feet, her hand extended, begging Brittany to take it and follow her.

"Please trust me B."

Brittany sighed and reached, clinging to Santana's hand almost desperately as she too rose from the couch.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N - I think I've said only one more chapter after this one. But I've decided to add an epilogue so there'll be two more. I'm just OCD enough that I can't end a story on chapter 7, I like even numbers :) I still don't own anything. Thanks so much for sticking around and for the reviews and just for reading in general. I really appreciate it!

Chapter 6

"_Brittany?" Seventeen-year-old Santana asked timidly._

_The blonde turned to the smaller girl with a patient smile. "Yeah San?"_

_Santana Lopez had just announced to the entire school that she was crazy gay for one Brittany S. Pierce. At the prom, up on stage in front of everyone no less. Now the two were standing out under the stars hand in hand, enjoying the closeness._

_Santana exhaled and squeezed Brittany's hand. "Britt, if…if I get a slushy facial every day for the rest of my high school life…will you still…will you be ashamed of me?"_

"_What?" Brittany exclaimed. "San, I could never, ever be ashamed of you. I'd be proud."_

_The Latina scoffed. "You'd be proud to date someone who got slushied every day?"_

_The blonde stepped closer and softly nuzzled Santana's dark hair with her nose, inhaling her new girlfriend's scent. "Baby," Brittany whispered. "First of all, I'm proud to be with you whether you're getting slushied or doing the slushying. Because you'd be getting it for loving me and not being ashamed of me. You're not ashamed of me are you?"_

_Santana leaned back slightly and gazed up into Brittany's bright blue eyes. She smiled and shook her head without hesitating. "No Brittany, I'm not ashamed of you. I'll take a slushy everyday for you."_

_Brittany beamed a smile back at Santana. "Second of all, it's not gonna happen anyway. No one would dare mess with you. I won't let them."_

"_You won't?" Santana asked with a chuckle._

"_Nope." The blonde replied firmly. "I'll be like a total ninja and throw myself between you and the slush."_

_Santana had to laugh at the image but grew serious again. "You would do that for me?"_

_Brittany smiled the sweetest smile Santana could ever remember seeing. "Totally. I'd do anything for you Santana."_

xxxx

"_Brittany, we have to talk." Santana said softly, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth._

_The blonde arched a brow and stood up from her stretching position on the floor. She was just cooling down from her dance routine and was dressed in a tank top and workout pants, a light sheen of sweat glistening._

"_About what Sanny?" she replied._

_Santana sighed. "About what we're going to do after graduation. It's next month you know. I know you didn't apply to any colleges but…I did. And I got accepted to a few."_

"_Of course you did San, you're like super smart." Brittany said, not quite understanding the serious demeanor of her girlfriend. "Did you not get into the one you really wanted? Or wait, I know, you got into too many and don't know which one to go to?"_

"_It's not that Britt." Santana said with another sigh. "I know where I want to go and I got in there. I just…I can't decide until we talk…about what you're going to do. Britt, what are you going to do? Where are you going to go? I know you want to dance but this is fucking Lima Ohio, you can't just stay here. I mean; if you do want to stay here…I'll visit every chance I get but…fuck Brittany. I don't think I can leave you."_

_Brittany furrowed her brow and frowned. "But San, I thought I was going with you?"_

_Santana had fought, and lost, the battle with the tears stinging her eyes at the thought of being separated from Brittany and was sniffling quietly. When the blonde's words registered, her head snapped up. "What? What did you say Britt?"_

_Now it was Brittany's turn to feel tears threatening and her face fell. "I said I thought I was going with you, wherever you decided to go. I didn't ask you though. Should I have?"_

_Santana rushed closer to Brittany and grabbed her shoulders, shaking her slightly. "You want to come with me? You don't even know where I'm going and you're ok with coming with me? Really?"_

_Brittany pursed her lips, trying to determine if this was in some way a trick question. "Um…I want to come with you. I don't need to know where you're going…just that I'm going too. I can can't I?"_

_Santana finally smiled and threw her arms around the taller girl. "Yes, of course you can come! You'll get a job dancing no matter where we go because you're the best!"_

"_Dancers are needed everywhere San." Brittany replied seriously. "We're like dentists or something. I don't care where we go, as long as you let me come with you."_

"_You would just pick up and go anywhere I wanted? You would just follow me even if we ended up in some place worse than Lima, God forbid? You would do that for me?"_

_Brittany held Santana tightly and pressed a kiss to her temple. "Santana, I'd do anything for you."_

xxxx

_As the years passed, both girls needed encouragement from time to time. When just a few weeks before graduation, it became apparent Brittany needed to get a certain score on a math test to actually graduate, Santana threw herself into the role of tutor. She skipped a weekend at the lake house with her family to help Brittany study. Finally, the night before the test, she declared she'd stay behind another year if it came to that._

"_You'd do that for me Santana?"_

_The brunette smiled and kissed Brittany softly. "Of course babe. I'd do anything for you."_

_When times were hard, classes were demanding, money was tight or life was just plain complicated, they would often cuddle together and one would softly ask, "What would you do? If I needed you, what would you do?"_

_When Brittany was the one worried or stressed and asked the question, Santana would hold her tightly. "I'd do anything for you Britt. I'd climb the highest tower, swim the deepest ocean, just like that cheesy old song says."_

_Brittany would giggle. "Would you jaywalk in the middle of rush hour for me?"_

"_Hell yeah."_

"_Would you jump in front of a stampede of penguins?"_

"_I'd scare those penguins so badly they'd learn to fly before they'd mess with you again."_

"_You'd do that for me?"_

_Santana would tighten her grip slightly before responding, "Of course baby, I'd do anything for you."_

_Brittany's response to the question was always the same as well. "Santana, I'd do anything for you."_

_In the years that the two were together, Brittany did dive in front of more than one slushy facial and pick up and move following Santana wherever school or jobs led. When Brittany called Santana at work one day saying she had fallen during dance rehearsal at the studio and was being taken to the hospital for an x-ray, the brunette had done more than jaywalk, she had in fact forced the cab driver to move over and let her drive, cutting through alleys and onto sidewalks to be by the blonde's side._

_Brittany and Santana proved to each other that there really wasn't anything they wouldn't do for the other. But that night in the alley, Santana couldn't help but wish she had never witnessed just to what extent Brittany was willing to go to keep her safe._

xxxx

"Do you trust me Brittany?"

The words repeated in Brittany's mind as she took Santana's hand and allowed the smaller woman to pull her to her feet. She fought the feeling of panic when she realized Santana was leading her toward the bedroom. She hesitated in the doorway, her breath beginning to grow shallow.

Santana sensed her discomfort and squeezed the blonde's hand gently. "I was thinking maybe we could take a bath. Just to relax. Have you noticed the size of that tub? It's huge."

Brittany gnawed on her bottom lip, still uneasy but hating herself for it. She met Santana's warm gaze. "_Do you trust me Brittany_?" The blonde lost herself for a moment in Santana's deep, dark eyes and felt herself relax.

"Yes." She whispered, mostly to herself. "A bath might be nice."

Santana smiled and stepped closer, taking Brittany's other hand so that she was holding them both. She closed the distance between them and stood up on her toes to press a kiss to Brittany's lips.

Santana pulled away and went into the bathroom, digging out candles that Tina and Mercedes had picked up on the supply run Rachel had sent them out on. Once they had returned with the goods and Rachel had tucked the bags away, she had helped Santana hide the items in the bathroom.

The brunette arranged the candles around the tub and lit them as the water began to fill it. She stepped back and pulled off her own clothes, replacing them with a short robe tied loosely and then clipped her hair back. When the tub was filled, she turned the water off and returned to the bedroom.

Brittany was sitting on the edge of the bed looking lost as she clutched her shirt in her hands. Santana could see that the blonde's hands were trembling even from a few feet away. She let her gaze wander over the dancer's thin frame, bruises still evident but finally beginning to fade slightly.

Brittany had already removed her pants and was left in just her undergarments and was clearly losing confidence. Santana stepped closer and with her hands on either side of the blonde's face, stroked her cheeks with her thumbs until Brittany looked up at her. Santana sighed at the lost look on the blonde's face and found herself at a loss for words.

She leaned down and gently pressed their lips together again. Pulling away just enough to once again meet Brittany's gaze, Santana reached around the blonde and carefully unclasped her bra.

Brittany clenched her jaw and whimpered slightly as Santana pulled the garment away from her body. She allowed the brunette to pull her to her feet once the bra and shirt had been discarded. Santana smiled tenderly as they walked into the bathroom, the candles the only light in the room.

"It's beautiful San." Brittany said softly, eyeing the tub surrounded by candlelight.

Santana smiled and raised Brittany's hand to lips, kissing the back of it, before stepping away. She dropped the robe from her shoulders and moved closer to the tub, her hand reaching back for Brittany to join her. "Water's getting cold babe."

Brittany nodded and with a nervous sigh, slipped out of her panties and dropped carefully into the deep pool of water. Santana climbed in behind her and allowed Brittany a moment to settle against her. She immediately felt the tension in the blonde's muscles and she placed her hands on pale shoulders.

"Relax Britt." Santana cooed softly. "There's nothing to be afraid of."

"I know I shouldn't be scared anymore but…I am. I'm scared San."

Santana recognized by the tremor in Brittany's voice that she was close to tears. "Of me holding you? Of holding me?"

She gently pulled the blonde's shoulders to draw her closer so their bodies were flush against each other. Santana dropped a kiss to Brittany's shoulder and stroked up and down her arms lightly with her fingertips.

Brittany sighed and almost in spite of herself, began to relax slightly. "It's not the holding San. You know that. I love holding each other. I'm just scared of what might happen. What if it hurts? What if I see him again? What if I hurt you? I get wicked mean just dreaming about it…I'm scared I'll hurt you."

"If you hurt me, not that I think you will, I'll heal." Santana replied calmly, dropping her chin to Brittany's shoulder. She wrapped her arms around the blonde's waist and squeezed gently.

Brittany gripped Santana's arms around her waist and scratched lightly with her nails. "Does it ever get better you think?" she asked hopefully.

"It already has hasn't it?" Santana responded quietly. "Look at us, we're sitting together in the tub. A month and a half ago when we got here, you couldn't even let me hug you. Look how far you've come…how great you're doing. It'll take time but you just have to keep taking it one day at a time."

They fell quiet then, both deep in thought. Santana held Brittany tightly until the water began to grow lukewarm. "We can stay here if you want." Santana said softly. "Or we can go back out into the living room and watch the sun set over the lake."

"Ok." Brittany replied softly, once again tensing slightly. "Yeah, that might be good."

Santana pressed another kiss to her shoulder. "Good." She replied, sliding out from behind Brittany and climbing out of the tub. She picked up a fluffy towel and held her hand out for the blonde to take.

When Brittany stepped out of the tub, Santana wrapped the towel around her and smiled. "Can you get dried off and blow out the candles? I just need a minute."

Brittany eyed her almost skeptically but nodded. Santana smiled again and pulled her robe back on, tying it loosely once again before slipping out of the room and heading into the laundry room where the rest of the supplies were stashed. She pulled out freshly dried and fluffed towels and a new, thick feather down quilt.

Santana spread the quilt down on the floor and draped a thick fluffy towel over it as well. With a nervous sigh, she then pulled out two small bottles of massage oil she had hidden in a cupboard. She quickly cast her gaze upward as if in a silent prayer that the night would go well.

Turning back to the bedroom, Brittany met her in the doorway; still wearing just the towel Santana had wrapped her in.

"Hi." The blonde whispered softly. She eyed the makeshift massage table Santana had erected on the floor and quirked a brow.

Santana smiled and pulled her gently by the hand further into the room. "Want to lay down on your stomach?"

Brittany nodded and slowly knelt on the soft quilt before settling on her stomach, towel still firmly in place. Santana gently tugged on the towel just slightly, loosening it a bit. "Are you comfortable Britt? Ok if I loosen this just a bit?"

Brittany exhaled shakily and propped herself up on one elbow and untucked the towel so it was merely covering her without being bound around her thin frame. She nodded and settled back down onto her stomach and turned her head to gaze out the window.

The sun was sinking lower and casting an orange glow over the shimmering lake. Santana felt her breath hitch as she saw the light reflected in the blonde's blue eyes. Brittany looked away from the water and caught Santana's loving gaze. She smiled slightly before closing her eyes and dropping her chin onto one hand that was curled under her. She instinctively had a corner of the towel wadded tightly in her clenched fist, her tension evident.

Santana frowned seeing the tension in the blonde's body. She picked up the small bottle of oil and poured a small amount into her palm. The scent of roses and vanilla invaded her senses and she smiled again.

"I'm going to pull the towel back now ok babe?" Santana said softly, not wanting to startle the blonde. Brittany nodded, eyes still closed.

Santana pulled the towel down to the blonde's hips and slowly, gently began to work the oil into Brittany's pale shoulders and back. From her shoulder blades down her arms and then up her neck, Santana could feel the tight muscles beginning to slacken. As a soft moan sounded from the Brittany, the brunette smiled.

Pouring more oil into her hand, Santana began to work her way down the blonde's back, once again warning when the towel needed to be moved lower. Brittany sighed in contentment as the tension continued to fade away. Santana began to hum quietly as she moved further down the blonde's body, massaging down Brittany's legs to her feet. She gave a light tickle to a pale foot causing Brittany to giggle and jerk her foot away.

Santana smiled and scooted back up Brittany's body and propped herself up on one elbow, lying next to her. "Are you ok to roll over onto your back?"

A flash of fear crossed Brittany's face but she clenched her jaw and forced a weak smile onto her face, even if just briefly. She nodded slightly. Brittany reached for Santana's hand, tangling their fingers together and rolled onto her back, pulling the towel up so that it draped lightly over her chest. She kept their clasped hands against her chest and released another shaky breath.

Santana remained lounging next to Brittany, wanting to somehow ease her nervousness. She squeezed the blonde's hand gently. With her free hand, she softly caressed Brittany's cheek with the back of her fingers.

"How you doing babe?" Santana asked quietly.

Brittany shrugged but nodded. "I'm ok I think."

The Latina leaned closer to brush her lips across the blonde's gently. Brittany reached up and tugged Santana's hair loose from the clasp she had pulled it back in, allowing it to spill over her tan shoulders.

"I like your hair down San. It's so pretty, especially with the light shining off of it."

"I'll leave it down then." Santana whispered. She disentangled her fingers from Brittany's and pressed her palm flat against the blonde's chest. She could feel Brittany's heartbeat speeding up and tension creeping back into her body. "You ok for me to keep going?"

Brittany swallowed thickly but nodded. "I-I'm scared." She whispered. "I think this might be super intense San. I don't want to hurt you."

"Don't worry about me Brittany." Santana replied. "We can stop anytime. If you don't want to do this, that is totally fine. I would never push you if you're not ok babe. You know that right?"

"I can't not worry about you San. I think it's like indrained in me or something."

Santana smiled tenderly. "Ingrained babe." At Brittany's nod, Santana gently cupped her cheek. "Do me a favor and just for tonight, let it go ok? I'm pretty tough Britt. I am from Lima Heights Adjacent after all. Let me be strong for you, please?"

"Sanny," Brittany sighed, "you're always strong for me. You always have been."

But she nodded, tilting her head back and exhaling again, long and shaky. Brittany let her hands drop to her sides and she balled the towel into her fists again. Santana took the oil and began to gently move over Brittany's shoulders and chest, then up her neck. She cupped the blonde's face and pressed a kiss to each of Brittany's closed eyelids whispering a soft "I love you."

Brittany opened her eyes and Santana felt her stomach clench at the sight of tears beginning to sparkle. She gently brushed them away as the first tears leaked. Santana held Brittany's watery gaze as the blonde blindly grasped for one of her hands, clasping them again over her chest.

"You're sure?" the brunette whispered, squeezing Brittany's hand.

At the blonde's timid nod, Santana exhaled and leaned forward quickly, pressing a kiss to her pale forehead before scooting backwards so that she was sitting alongside Brittany's torso. She lightly lifted the towel away from Brittany's chest, letting it rest over her hips. The blonde whimpered as the cloth was peeled away and her still bruised chest and abdomen were exposed.

Santana sighed as she let her gaze linger on the lean ridges of muscle on the dancer's abdomen that had protected her from deeper injury during the attack. She lightly dropped a palm onto Brittany's firm stomach and felt the muscle jerk beneath her and then settle as the blonde tried to calm her own nerves at the touch.

Santana took one last, long look at Brittany's slightly trembling form before she began to move her hands over pale skin. Over the curve of each breast, down the slight ridges of her ribcage, barely a graze over the still significant bruises lingering. Santana watched as Brittany pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, her breath catching slightly.

The brunette continued lower, gently kneading the skin of Brittany's belly but stopped just as her hands grazed the towel still draped over her hips. The blonde's breathing was ragged and although Santana could tell she was frightened, she could also tell that Brittany was turned on as well.

Santana fanned her thumb just under the area of Brittany's belly button and softly cleared her throat. "Is it ok if I…"

Brittany sighed shakily but nodded, her wide blue eyes snapping to Santana's soft brown gaze. Santana tried to smile in encouragement before picking up a loose fold of the towel and wiped any excess oil from her hands. She reached behind her for a pillow and slid a hand underneath Brittany and the towels, gently gesturing for the blonde to lift her hips and slid the pillow under her, slightly elevating her midsection.

As Santana twisted to reach for the pillow, the tie of her robe slipped and she left it open so that it would be bare skin brushing Brittany's as she moved to sit between her bent legs. She reached for the towel again, her eyes asking for permission before pulling the cloth away. Brittany clenched her jaw but nodded again.

Santana lifted the towel away and Brittany immediately clenched her eyes closed tightly. She picked up the second bottle of oil, remembering Rachel's warning that even if Brittany seemed aroused; she would have to be as gentle as possible since even the slightest friction could be unbearable to the blonde.

Santana poured the oil into her hand and then gently let it run down over Brittany's center, leaning over to brush a cheek against the blonde's knee when she gasped and whimpered. Santana began to touch her, painfully gently. Brittany's breath hitched and a shiver tore through her thin frame.

Santana could tell from years of living, and sleeping, with the blonde that she was turned on even though she was clearly frightened. She once again remembered Rachel's words, that the goal was to help Brittany be alright with being touched and not just about the touching alone.

Brittany's left hand released her fierce grip on the towel and she reached for Santana's right hand that was resting on her hip. Santana squeezed the blonde's hand and rested their clasped fingers on Brittany's abdomen. The brunette watched Brittany intently, eyeing her as she sucked in a harsh breath.

"Babe?" Santana whispered.

The blonde sighed again but nodded, clenching her jaw. Santana squeezed their clasped fingers one final time before slowly sliding one finger just barely inside.

Brittany reacted immediately. She arched her back, her breath coming in quick gasps and nearing hyperventilation. She twisted her hips violently, trying to resist the urge to fight and buck Santana away.

"It's ok baby." Santana cooed, forcing herself to remain still and not withdraw and end the pain immediately. She was desperate to end Brittany's pain and fear but knew if they didn't work through it, the pain would simply fester and cause more damage. Santana grit her teeth, forcing herself to remain still and not gather Brittany into her arms and rock her like a baby.

"Shit!" Brittany cried out, almost choking as she struggled to breathe. "It hurts, San…I can feel it! Santana!"

"Listen to me babe," Santana replied, keeping her voice low and calm. "It's not real. It's just me here; you're safe. Just breathe baby, it'll pass."

"San?" Brittany whimpered, trying to take deep breathes but tensing involuntarily.

"Just keep breathing B." Santana said softly, gently thumbing the blonde's abdomen, their hands still tightly clasped. "Do you want me to stop?"

Santana kept her gaze on Brittany's face, trying not to think about the pain she was causing, hating herself for causing it.

"I'm…I'm ok." Brittany said, taking a deep breath. She thrust her head back, angling her throat toward the ceiling and continued to try to control her breathing.

"Are you sure?" Santana asked; her brow furrowed. The blonde nodded.

Santana released her own shaky breath and slid her finger in just a bit further. Brittany again reacted as if she were being stabbed or burned. She tensed and gripped Santana's hand so hard the brunette was afraid she heard bones pop. She bit her lip and forced herself to remain quiet as she waited for Brittany to process not only the memories, but also the sensations through her body.

"I know he's not here San." Brittany panted. "I know it's not real, I know he's not here. But it hurts and…"

Santana pressed her cheek against the blonde's tense leg once again. "Don't fight Britt. Just let go babe." She murmured quietly.

Santana moved her hand again, this time without the blonde reacting quite as violently. Brittany whimpered and Santana flinched, remembering the sounds she heard from the blonde that night in that cold alley. "It's ok Brittany. I'm here." She whispered. "I'm right here."

Once Brittany seemed calm again, she began to move her hand again, moving inside her just slightly. Santana continued to whisper softly as they worked through the pain together. Suddenly, the blonde tensed again, her body contracting, but not from pleasure and tears began to pour from her blue eyes.

Santana kept her hand in place, moving slowly inside Brittany, and almost timidly pressed her thumb against outer nerves. Brittany's eyes snapped open and she half coughed, half moaned at the sensation. "San?"

"It's ok Brittany, I'm right here. Do you want me to stop?"

Tears continued to flow from Brittany's eyes. "I don't know." She cried pitifully. "No…I don't think so…keep…go on."

"Breathe, Brittany." Santana said softly. "I promise, I'm here. I'm not going to hurt you. I love you…please let me take care of you."

"_Just let her love you."_ Brittany's breathing sped up again, her body involuntarily responding to Santana's movements as the pain subsided. Her mind continued to fight however, as thoughts of that alley broke through and she saw flashes of a snarling man, smelled the liquor on his breath, and felt pain searing through her. The blonde fought to focus on Santana, on those deep chocolate eyes beginning to tear at the sight of Brittany in such pain.

Santana couldn't help but notice how Brittany's muscles were tensing against her. "Britt? Baby, what do you need? Tell me…please."

"I…I need…." Brittany clenched her jaw and shook her head almost frantically.

_Shit baby; let go._ Santana thought to herself as Brittany continued to fight, her body almost completely tense. The brunette began to worry that she would snap from the tension. Santana scooted around to the side so that she was sitting beside Brittany, still gripping her hand tightly with her left hand still in place. She removed her right hand from Brittany's desperate grip and reached, slipping her hand beneath her shoulder blades. Santana lifted the blonde gently, cradling her in her arm and braced her leg against the small of her back, holding Brittany upright.

"Brittany…baby, look at me." Brittany clenched her jaw and shook her head. Santana repeated the words softly, "Brittany look at me. Please open your eyes love."

Brittany finally complied and Santana felt her heart breaking at the sight of the pain she saw reflected in those normally bright blue eyes. She sighed. "Britt, listen to me. Baby, you have to let this go. You have to _let go_."

"It's gonna hurt." Brittany whispered desperately. "I can feel it. I'm gonna break San."

"I'm here." Santana whispered fiercely. "I'm here and I'm not letting go. If you break, I'll put you back together, I swear Brittany. I won't let you go Britt. I'm here. I'm here."

Santana clenched her jaw and began to move her hand faster, feeling the pressure locked in Brittany's trembling frame. Suddenly, Brittany's breath hitched and she let loose a wailing cry. The blonde's muscles twitched and Santana struggled to hold Brittany as waves of tension forced their way out of the blonde's body.

Brittany clung desperately to Santana, her fists clenched tightly in the brunette's robe. She slumped further into Santana's arms as she sobbed; her face buried the Latina's neck.

Santana felt the blonde's tears dampening her skin. She rocked Brittany gently as she came down, holding her in a tight embrace. "I love you Brittany." She whispered. "You are so brave baby…and so strong. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. God I love you. Do you hear me Brittany, I love you."

Brittany continued to weep in her arms. "You didn't let go." She finally whispered, her voice broken.

Santana wrapped the towels back around Brittany's body and laid them both back down onto the feather quilt. She wrapped her body around the blonde's still trembling frame, easing her into a calmer state.

"Of course not baby." Santana finally whispered. "I'm never letting you go."

"You…you'd do that for me?" Brittany asked. Santana felt her own tears begin to leak from her eyes, a sob building in her throat.

"Yeah, baby. I'd do that for you. I'd do anything for you."

Santana sighed as she felt Brittany's arms warp around her and hold her tightly. She cast her gaze out the window and over the sun just dipping below the horizon. She pressed a kiss to Brittany's temple as they held each other.

xxxx

Santana knew she was dreaming but she couldn't force herself awake. She whimpered; her mind fully controlled by her dreams. She could see the scene vividly.

Brittany was crumpled in the middle of the alley, her clothing ripped away from her body, her breathing harsh and ragged. The whimpering and grunting had finally ended, both Brittany and James falling silent.

Santana tried to remind herself, even in her dream that she had to remain conscious once the attackers left because Brittany was far too injured to be able to call for help. James pulled himself up and away from the blonde, readjusting his clothing. Brittany remained motionless.

Santana startled awake, sunlight on her face. She groaned, even at the realization that they had slept through the night. They had both crawled into bed, drained and shaken from the nights events. Yet when she blearily opened her eyes, Santana still felt bone weary.

With a sigh, she felt long, lean arms wrap around her body and pull her close. She moaned slightly, pressing her face into Brittany's shoulder as the blonde's body shielded her from the offending sunlight.

Brittany pressed a kiss to the brunette's forehead. "You still asleep Sanny?"

Santana grunted and nodded, not willing to open her eyes further or form words in fear that she would be forced fully awake.

She felt Brittany smile against her forehead. "Did you wear yourself out last night?"

Santana burrowed further into Brittany's arms and nodded again. She felt a chuckle ripple through the blonde's frame as she tightened her grip. "Want to go back to sleep?"

Santana tried to speak but found she was still unable to form words. Instead she settled for a third nod. Brittany kissed her forehead again. "Then you just go back to sleep Sanny. It's your turn to sleep in and rest."

xxxx

Santana woke for real sometime later and found Brittany's side of the bed empty. The sweatshirt and shorts that had been draped over a chair in the corner of the room the day before were gone. As she dressed and slipped out of the bedroom, heading for the kitchen, Santana heard soft music floating in the air.

She reached the kitchen and found it empty; as was the living room she had passed through. Turning back to look out the windows onto the deck, she saw a flurry of movement, of blonde hair. Santana stepped closer to the window to investigate but then stopped still, transfixed.

Brittany had soft flowing music playing and she was dancing outside on the deck. It wasn't the fun hip-hop that was normally associated with the blonde, it was the slow, twirling, expressive arches and ballet-like movements that Brittany performed when dancing just for herself.

Santana watched as minutes passed and the blonde danced on. Sweat glistened on her forehead and began to seep through the sweatshirt she was wearing but Brittany had a peaceful look on her face. Santana leaned against the doorframe, watching as the blonde arched and spun beautifully. She finally eased outside quietly, not wanting to disturb Brittany.

The blonde was panting slightly as the song ended. "Hi San." She said softly with a glance over her shoulder. She leaned forward and rested her weight against the porch railing.

Santana hadn't realized Brittany was aware of her presence but at the greeting she stepped closer and wrapped her arms around the blonde's waist, her cheek pressed between her shoulder blades. "Hi Britt. That was beautiful."

"I'm way out of shape." Brittany responded softly, moving a hand to cover Santana's clasped around her waist.

The brunette squeezed gently. "Nah, just a little out of practice. You're still amazing. Do you think you could eat some breakfast?"

"I probably could." Brittany turned in her arms and smoothed Santana's sleep mussed hair away from her face. She smiled and leaned forward, pressing their lips together. Her expression turned worried as she eyed Santana. "You still worn out Sanny? You feeling ok?"

"I'm ok Britt." Santana replied, trying to smile brightly. She was still too tired to muster more than a grin. "Emotional hangover maybe?"

Brittany chuckled. "Seems fair. I think you've earned it."

They walked together back into the kitchen where Brittany poured two cups of coffee. She placed one in front of the brunette where she had settled into a chair at the table. "San, I've been thinking."

At Brittany's soft tone, Santana tilted her head to the side. "About what babe?"

Brittany sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "I think maybe I want to try going home. Quinn's 30th birthday is coming up and Rachel is going to get that lead in the show, I know it. Your parents anniversary is coming up too…we can't miss that stuff."

Santana's emotions swirled. She was first thrilled that Brittany was ready and willing to take that risk. But fear followed quickly, fear that it would be too much for the blonde to handle, that she wouldn't be able to cope with the change. Fear that she herself, wouldn't be able to handle being back so near the alley where they had been attacked.

Santana kept her gaze steady as she eyed the blonde. "Are you sure you're ready babe?"

"No." Brittany replied honestly. "I'm not sure but…San, I can't hide forever. Coming here, it was the best thing that you could have done for me. And it's been just what I needed but to keep getting better we have to move on right? And doesn't that mean going back home and trying to live again? We have an awesome life San, I don't want those guys to take that from us."

For reasons that Santana couldn't identify, she felt tears pooling. She fought against them, tried to swallow the sob that was building in her throat, but she couldn't hold it in.

"San?" Brittany whispered. She heard the blonde's own chair sliding back and then felt Brittany's arms wrap around her. "Santana, what is it?"

Santana continued to weep and shook her head. Brittany pulled her closer, cupping the back of her head with her hand as the brunette cried into the front of her sweatshirt. The blonde finally pulled Santana to her feet gently. "Come on." She said quietly.

She led the smaller woman back into the bedroom and they settled on the bed facing each other. Brittany pulled Santana closer and the brunette buried her head, nuzzling her face into the blonde's neck as Brittany held her.

"You have bad dreams sometimes too." Brittany said softly. "Sometimes you talk to yourself too. You usually calm down if I touch you…but sometimes you don't."

"Brittany what are you doing watching me when you should be sleeping yourself?" Santana replied, her voice muffled in the blonde's sweatshirt. "You need to rest Britt."

Brittany sighed and pressed her cheek to the top of Santana's head. "This has been bad for you too Sanny. I've been pretty selfish…just thinking about my own stuff and not helping you. You were hurt too."

"I'm fine baby." Santana mumbled. "All I care about is making sure you're ok."

"But San, I'm not ok if you're not ok. You should know that by now. Talk to me…I want to help." She tipped Santana's chin up so their eyes could meet. "You asked me not to shut you out…so I'm asking the same thing."

Santana swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. "Britt…I can't…I don't have the right to ask anything of you after…"

Brittany gave a sad smile. "That's not what my heart says San. I love you. Let me be tough for you since you have been for me. Tomorrow I'll go back to being all jumpy and weepy. Ok?"

Santana released a long slow breath and finally nodded. "I dream about it a lot. I see you hurt…that bastard…and in my dream I know I have to help, I have to get help. But I can't abandon you again."

"Again?" Brittany asked softly. "Santana you didn't abandon me. You know that right? My head is crazy sometimes but I'm more sure about that than I am that Charity read my diary. You didn't abandon me."

"But you-"

"I did what I had to do. I made a choice and it's the same one I would make every single time. I told you San, I'd go through that a bazillion times to keep you safe."

Santana felt tears pouring down her cheeks, as she pressed further into Brittany's chest. "I'm so sorry Brittany. I'm so sorry."

Brittany pulled back slightly, confused. "Santana, I just said you don't have to be sorry didn't I? It's not your fault baby."

"But if I had just listened to you and not cut through!" she sobbed. "You didn't want to cut through the alley and I made you. I never listen…oh God, if we hadn't…it's my…I'm-I'm so sorry!"

"That's it Sanny, just let it all out." Brittany pressed a kiss to Santana's forehead, holding her as she sobbed out all the grief and pain of the last month and a half. She cried for her own rage at feeling so helpless, both that night and now. She cried for Brittany's stolen innocence.

Santana's sobs were finally reduced to soft whimpers as she held onto Brittany tightly. She took a deep breath and wiped at her eyes with her fingers. The blonde brought her sleeve up and dabbed at the tears on her cheeks before kissing Santana's forehead. She twisted behind her and snagged a tissue from the nightstand, watching while Santana continued to wipe at her eyes and then blew her nose.

Brittany stared intently into the brunette's eyes until she was certain she had her full attention. "San," she said seriously. "You sounded like that goose that lived under my porch when we were kids."

Santana chuckled as Brittany pinched her now red nose. "Shut up B," she laughed. "You're the one who told me to cry."

Brittany smiled and brushed Santana's hair out of her face. "Yep. I think it was time." She dabbed at the brunette's cheeks one more time with her sleeve. "Why don't you turn around San."

Santana nodded and pulled herself away from Brittany just long enough to turn onto her side and flip the pillow over so that she could rest her head on the cool, dry side. Brittany quickly settled into place behind her, pulling the smaller woman flush against her front. They clasped their hands over Santana's chest.

"Can I ask you something San?"

"Of course Britt." Santana immediately responded, squeezing the blonde's hand.

"Are _you_ ready to go home?" Brittany asked softly.

Santana sighed and drew Brittany's arms even tighter around her frame. "I honestly don't know babe."

She felt Brittany nod into her shoulder behind her. They remained quiet for a few more moments before Brittany spoke again. "I want you to do something for me Santana."

"Anything." Santana replied.

"I want you to tell me your side of what happened that night in the alley."

Every muscle in Santana's body tensed. She tried to untangle herself from Brittany's embrace but the blonde held on. "No Britt. Please don't ask me to do that…anything but that."

"Please San." Brittany said softly, still holding the brunette in place.

"No Brittany." Santana said, still squirming in Brittany's hold. "I can't. Please."

"San, please listen to me." Brittany said, hooking a leg over Santana's and pressing a kiss to her neck. "You understand me better than anyone and you understand what happened to me. But you were hurt too and I want to understand. You might not have been-"

Santana felt Brittany tense, felt her struggling against the word. She stopped trying to break from the blonde's hold and eased back against Brittany's body.

"You might not have been raped," Brittany finally said in a soft voice. "But you were hurt too. You were in just as much danger as I was and you had to face that all alone."

"Babe that hardly compares to what you did for m-"

"This isn't a Cheerio's competition San." Brittany interrupted, squeezing tightly. "We were both hurt San. Seeing him touch you, seeing him hurt you…that would have snapped me clean in half Santana. I did what I had to do to keep that from happening. That was my choice and I'd do it again in a second."

"Your choice…" Santana mumbled softly. She suddenly felt something click inside of her and felt another choked sob trying to force its way out of her throat.

Brittany tightened her hold again. "Hey. Talk to me San. Please." She soothed.

Santana felt her sorrow giving way to anger as she thought back to that night. "I didn't have a choice." She spat. "I couldn't fight, I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything, I couldn't even scream! All I could do was watch. I felt so fucking helpless! And I-" her throat locked up then and she struggled to get more words out.

Brittany rubbed Santana's arms gently and waited for her to calm. "Keep going San."

Santana sighed, releasing a ragged breath. "I was scared. I try to pretend nothing scares me but…when he started hurting you…" She closed her eyes and tried to push past the ache in her chest.

"Tell me San." Brittany whispered, her breath hitting the Latina's neck softly. "I need to understand, not just for you but for me too. Please."

Santana clenched her eyes shut and finally spoke again, using slow, halting phrases to describe everything that had happened that night in the alley. When she finished speaking, her throat felt raw and dry. "I was scared." She said again. "I was so afraid we were going to die…or worse, you would die and I'd live. I was so afraid I was going to lose you."

Brittany squeezed her tightly, allowing a comfortable silence and calm to fall on them. Minutes passed with neither breaking the quiet until Brittany softly whispered. "Thank you."

Santana turned in the blonde's arms and gazed at her red-rimmed eyes. Brushing blonde hair away from her face, she rested her palm against Brittany's cheek. "For what Britt?"

"For telling me everything…and for everything else. This would have killed me without you Santana."

Santana smiled and brushed their lips together. "I don't think it would have Brittany. You're stronger than you know. Stronger than I could ever be."

"We should stick together then." Brittany replied seriously. "So we can be strong for each other."

"Deal." Santana said softly. "So…we're going home?"

Brittany seemed thoughtful again but a small smile finally eased its way onto her face. "Yeah. Let's go home."


	7. Chapter 7

A/N – This chapter is way late, I'm really sorry. I had quite a few shenanigans to sort out in the real world and honestly; I'm kind of beat. I only feel so-so about this chapter, sorry if it's not up to par. There is quite a mood shift toward the end, that might be my own mood slipping in but it really was planned all along, it just came out a little more moody than I originally expected. I do still have the epilogue planned but I had hoped to have it finished before now, it's still a little bit of a rough draft but the real world called. Ok, now that was a ramble! Thanks for all the reviews, alerts and for reading in general!

Chapter 7

"San, wake up."

Santana grunted in the darkness and burrowed further into the warm body next to her.

"Santana, wake up!"

Sleepiness immediately vanished as Santana registered Brittany's voice in the darkness. Assuming the worst, the brunette sprang upright, reaching to comfort Brittany.

"Baby? What's wrong, another nightmare? I'm here Britt; it's ok. You're ok."

Santana draped an arm over Brittany's shoulder and scooted closer. It took her a moment in her foggy mind to realize the blonde was giggling.

"You're sweet." Brittany murmured softly. "But I'm ok San, no nightmare this time. But we have to get up."

"Wh-what?" Santana muttered, trying to comprehend what was happening. "You're ok, but you want to get up now? Brittany what time is it?"

"4:57…a.m."

Santana groaned and flopped back onto her pillow. "Fuck me Britt, why did you wake me up so early?"

Brittany scooted closer to Santana and nuzzled her gently. "Because it's our last day here. We have to see the sunrise. Come on San, please?"

Santana felt the blonde shaking her slightly, still whispering intently. "Please Sanny. We're going home today which is going to be super stressful on both of us…please can we get up and watch the sunrise?"

Santana didn't know why she even bothered trying to say no to Brittany ever. She sighed and blearily cracked her eyes open again. Even in the darkness she could see blue eyes sparkling slightly.

"Fine." Santana responded weakly. "But can we come back to bed after?"

"Yay!" Brittany was immediately bounding out of bed, clapping her hands. "Of course we can Sanny! This is going to be super awesome!"

"Ugh. Don't you dare be perky." Santana mumbled. "Not until midmorning at least."

Brittany was already out on the back deck when Santana finally emerged, wrapped head to toe in the blankets from the bed. The blonde was bouncing excitedly on the balls of her feet and gazing out over the still dark waters of the lake. Santana found it difficult to remain grumpy as she watched Brittany so like her old self.

When Brittany turned back to Santana and her face lit up in a huge smile, the brunette felt warmth swelling. Grinning back, she settled onto the bench swing facing the water and reached a hand out of the blankets beckoning Brittany to come settle in next to her.

The blonde settled in between Santana's legs and let the shorter woman wrap the blanket around the both of them, her chin on Brittany's shoulder. The blonde snuggled back into Santana's embrace, squeezing her arms tightly.

Together they sat whispering softly as the sun began to peak over the horizon. When the first ray of orange broke over the skyline, Santana turned slightly to watch as Brittany's face exploded into a smile. The faint orange light reflected from bright blue eyes left the brunette mesmerized. Santana found herself unable to tear her gaze away from Brittany.

"San," the blonde said shyly, feeling Santana's gaze on her, "you're missing the sunrise. It's beautiful."

"It doesn't compare." The Latina whispered.

Brittany turned away from the lake, toward the brunette and her breath caught as she met Santana's dark eyes, staring back at her lovingly. Twisting in Santana's arms, she reached and cupped her tan cheek before pressing their lips together.

"I love you Santana."

Santana grinned against Brittany's lips without breaking contact. "I love you too. I-I'm not sure how to ever tell you how much I…how grateful I am that you…that you're…"

Brittany pressed her forehead against Santana's and continued to gently stroke her cheek. "San, I think…I want to go back to bed with you. Come with me?"

Santana leaned back just enough to study the blonde's face. "Britt, you don't…are you sure?"

Brittany smiled and lightly ran her thumb across Santana's lips and nodded. "I'm sure. You'll come with me?"

Santana felt tears stinging her eyes as she pressed a kiss to Brittany's palm. "I'll go anywhere with you Britt."

They silently slipped back into the house hand in hand. The blonde stopped just inside the bedroom and released a shaky breath. Santana stepped closer, a sad, questioning look on her face. Brittany nodded, as if to encourage herself, before leaning down and tentatively pressing their lips together again.

The blonde suddenly seemed fragile again and Santana felt an ache in her heart. But she pulled Brittany closer. There was no rush or urgency, they held each other and allowed their hands to gently roam.

Santana finally broke away and gazed up into Brittany's eyes. "Britt, I need you to help me. What's enough, too much, what you-"

Brittany interrupted her with another kiss, more confident and heated. She tugged on Santana's t-shirt until the brunette pulled away enough to let the shirt slip over her head. Santana stepped out of the shorts she had worn to bed and stood naked in front of Brittany, who swallowed thickly as she allowed her eyes to roam over the brunette's body.

Santana stepped closer and grasped the hem of Brittany's shirt. The blonde closed her eyes and bit her lip before finally raising her arms and allowing Santana to pull her shirt up and away. Brittany lowered her gaze to the ground, as she stood in front of Santana, bare-chested with the early morning sunlight beginning to stream through the blinds.

Santana pressed a palm flat against the blonde's chest and felt Brittany's heart beating rapidly. The brunette leaned closer and began to kiss down the long column of Brittany's neck, her other hand slipping to her waist. Santana kissed lower as she eased the blonde's shorts down over her hips.

Brittany shivered slightly as Santana knelt before her. The blonde balanced herself with a hand on Santana's shoulder as she stepped out of the shorts. She tossed the garment to the side and rose to her full height again, gently trailing her fingers up Brittany's thighs and sides as she rose.

Santana cupped Brittany's face and gazed deeply into those blue eyes. She couldn't help but frown slightly at the look of fear and hesitation she saw flashing across Brittany's face. Santana bit her lip and raised her eyebrows, allowing her own uncertainty to show.

Brittany smiled shakily and nodded. "I want this San. I want you, I do."

Santana drew Brittany into a kiss, their naked skin pressing together. Brittany shivered and pulled Santana closer. The brunette kissed along her jaw line, down the column of her neck, eliciting a moan from the taller woman. She grasped Brittany's hands and lifted them to her own shoulders. "Hold onto me."

Santana dropped to her knees, locking her arms around the blonde's legs. She looked up and noticed that Brittany's eyes had fallen closed, her jaw muscles clenching. She felt Brittany's hands land gently on her head and tangle in her dark locks. Santana took the soft touch as permission and leaned forward, her lips connecting with Brittany's body.

A soft whimper sounded from above her and Santana pulled back as Brittany's stomach and thigh muscles began to quiver. The blonde's grip tightened in Santana's hair and the brunette smirked slightly before leaning forward again, more confident. Brittany's hips jerked as Santana began to suck gently. She applied a slight amount of pressure and a moan slipped from the blonde's throat.

"San…I…need to lie down." Brittany whispered a moment later, her knees beginning to shake.

Santana pulled away and kissed up the blonde's taught stomach as she pulled herself to her feet. She took Brittany's hands in her own and together; they dropped onto the bed. She hovered over the blonde who was reclining on her back and watching Santana with hazy eyes.

Brittany pulled Santana into her arms and the brunette dropped a kiss to the bare skin of her chest, feeling the blonde's heartbeat quickening. She raised her head and smiled sweetly.

"You are so beautiful." Santana murmured before leaning back in for a deep kiss. She slowly began to kiss back down the blonde's thin frame, trailing her lips and tongue lightly as she went, knowing the actions made her lover writhe beneath her in the past.

As Brittany's breath began to grow raspy, her back arched and she almost desperately reached for Santana and tugged her back up so that the brunette was kneeling over her, straddling her waist.

Santana gazed down at the panting blonde; their faces millimeters apart and gently brushed her fingers over Brittany's cheek. "Baby? Talk to me; tell me what to do. Tell me what you want."

Brittany gazed up at Santana, her lips parted but no words would come. She sighed sadly before Santana lifted their joined hands and kissed Brittany's palm. "Show me." She whispered.

Brittany reached and brushed Santana's hair away from her face. She ran her fingers down tan shoulders and arms until she grasped Santana's hips gently. She gasped slightly as she began to push Santana's hips back.

At first Santana wasn't certain what Brittany was doing but when realization dawned, her own breathing sped up. She tossed the blankets out of the way and scooted back on her knees, bracing herself above Brittany as she lowered her hips over the blonde's pelvis. "Is this what you want?" she asked softly.

Brittany jerked her head quickly and moaned as their bodies touched. Santana smiled and shifted her weight downward a little further, her own heat beginning to rise. Suddenly Brittany gasped and tensed.

"You ok?" Santana asked, eyeing her intently.

Brittany closed her eyes and tilted her head back against the pillow as her hips continued to tremble. Her body remained tense and Santana gently soothed a hand over the blonde's rigid forearm where she was still gripping her waist.

"You're ok baby." Santana repeated, this time more in reassurance than question. She once again moved against Brittany beneath her, pressing their bodies together. She repeated the motion, pressing down, the friction causing them both to moan.

Brittany whimpered before pushing herself up into an upright position, her arms tight around Santana's waist. She buried her face in the Latina's neck and shook her head almost frantically.

"Too soon San." Brittany whispered. She tightened her grip around Santana's waist and rolled them both quickly. Santana landed on her back, Brittany hovering above her. The brunette whimpered at the loss of contact the motion caused and Brittany groaned, dropping her head once again onto Santana's shoulder.

"Britt?" Santana murmured, gently caressing the blonde's back.

"Ow." Brittany muttered; her jaw clenched.

"Shit baby, be careful! Your ribs are still a little tender. Jesus, are you ok?"

Brittany raised her head and smiled sheepishly. "I'm ok San."

The blonde leaned down and pressed their lips together again before laying down next to Santana, running a hand over her hips. The Latina barked out a laugh as Brittany tickled the inside of her thighs. She smiled before sliding down and pressing a kiss to Santana's stomach lightly. She worked her way lower, her fingers teasing as she peppered light kisses.

Santana tangled her fist in the sheets, the other dropping timidly onto Brittany's head. She forced herself not push, to allow the blonde to take control and set the pace even though the teasing was beginning to become painful. She moaned before calling out Brittany's name.

Santana whimpered slightly from the loss of contact as Brittany raised her head under her hand. "Sanny?"

"Britt…I need to hold you."

Brittany pressed a kiss into Santana's thigh and slid back up her body, their eyesight level, their bodies pressed tightly together. Santana held her gaze, catching Brittany's hand gently when she began to reach for her. She shook her head and raised the blonde's hand to her lips again.

"But San, you're so close, let me-"

"No." Santana replied firmly. She held Brittany's hand tightly to be sure she wouldn't pull away. "Let me. Please."

Brittany sighed and nodded as Santana cradled her in a gentle embrace. Santana moved slowly and gently, her motions eliciting soft moans and gasps from Brittany until the blonde was whimpering and covered in a light sheen of sweat. Her eyes were clenched tightly.

"Look at me Brittany." Santana whispered.

Brittany opened her eyes and Santana could still see fear there. She bit her lip and whimpered Santana's name, aroused but frightened. Santana wrapped her right arm around Brittany's shoulder, pulling her close. She pressed a kiss to the blonde's forehead and whispered softly, "I've got you, I'm right here," before slipping inside.

Brittany gasped and tensed. For one brief moment, Santana knew Brittany was back in the alley and she tightened her grip on the blonde. Brittany drew a deep breath, desperately clutching Santana and held her intense gaze. When she felt the blonde begin to relax in her arms, Santana began to move her hand almost timidly. Brittany was soon trembling in her arms, her jaw clenched, and panting.

"Don't fight Britt. I've got you." Santana whispered.

Brittany pulled Santana closer, once again dropping her head onto her shoulder. She held the brunette tightly, her muscles tensing before letting go with a soft moan.

Santana soothed her down gently with whispered words and soft kisses pressed to her forehead. She rocked her gently. "You ok babe?"

"No." Brittany whined, shaking her head.

Santana sighed as she felt tears dropping onto her chest as Brittany began to cry. She thumbed away the moisture. "Tell me what to do. What can I do to help Britt?"

"You're here." Brittany responded, pulling back slightly. Santana studied her intently and though the blue eyes gazing back at her were still pained, she was certain she also saw hope reflecting back.

"Yep, I'm here babe. And I'm not going anywhere."

"Then I'll be ok...someday." Brittany replied softly, dropping her head back to rest against Santana's chest. "San…let me, I need to…"

Santana chuckled but shook her head. "Rest Britt. There's plenty of time for that later."

Brittany sighed but nodded against Santana's chest. The brunette returned the sigh and squeezed her tightly, running her hands through blonde hair. She smiled as Brittany drifted off into peaceful sleep.

xxxx

Santana glanced sideways at Brittany in the passenger seat. The blonde was fiddling nervously with the hem of her shirt and chewing on her bottom lip. They were nearing their apartment. Santana had purposefully taken the long way around so as to avoid passing by the alley.

"You ok baby?" Santana asked softly.

Brittany nodded. "Yeah San. Just nervous I guess. But our apartment is safe right?"

Santana reached for the blonde's hand and squeezed gently. "Yeah Britt, it's safe. Puck changed the locks for us and everything, just to be on the safe side. That's our home Brittany, we're safe there."

"I know you're right San. Guess I just got too used to being away from everything. It's so loud here."

Santana furrowed her brow as Brittany raised her hands to cover her ears and hunched further down into the seat. She fought the urge to turn the car around and drive back out to the lake house.

Santana smiled and thanked the garage attendant as he welcomed them back home. She pulled into a spot and shut the car off. Both sat motionless, neither sure how to make the first move to return to life as it was.

"Well…you ready to go in babe?" Santana finally asked softly.

Brittany exhaled shakily and nodded. She gave a weak smile before opening the door and stepping out of the car. Santana popped the trunk and grabbed the first of their bags. They linked arms and headed inside their apartment building.

As they stepped inside their apartment, Santana couldn't help but smile. Quinn and Rachel had cleaned and restocked the pantry and refrigerator. Quinn had even somehow managed to infuse the space with the scent of freshly baked cookies. Santana immediately thought the blonde's real estate agent mother would be proud.

Brittany sighed happily as she wandered around their spacious living room. "I think we need to have a party San."

"Say what?" Santana replied, surprised. "We just got home and you already want to have company over?"

Brittany shrugged. "Just our friends San. They've been pretty awesome with all this mess. Feeding them is the least we can do."

Santana couldn't help but agree. She unpacked the rest of their belongings as Brittany helped place their things back to the rightful spot before settling in for a quiet evening back home.

xxxx

Three days after arriving home, Santana watched Brittany laugh happily with their friends who had been invited over for dinner. Puck had kissed her temple before gently wrapping the blonde in a warm embrace. Quinn hovered like a mother hen while Rachel gave a detailed recounting of the praise she had received when she was offered the lead in a new musical.

Tina and Mike arrived and Santana made her promise she hadn't brought any more suspicious smoking materials this time around. Mike hugged Brittany before twirling her into an impromptu dance move, much to the blonde's delight.

Kurt had even flown in from San Francisco just to see them. He and Mercedes immediately updated everyone on the gossip from their old friends who hadn't been able to make it into the city for the visit.

Friends from Santana's office and Brittany's dance studio also filtered in and out through out the evening. The brunette kept a watchful eye on Brittany, worried it would all be too much in addition to what they had dealt with upon arriving back at the apartment.

In the three days Brittany and Santana had been back home, they had been swamped with visits from their family members along with final reports to the police and face-to-face meetings with Brittany's therapist. The change in pace had been a lot for the blonde to cope with and she had woken each night multiple times.

Santana had to smile now though, as she watched Brittany genuinely happy to see their friends.

"She looks great."

Santana startled slightly from her position behind the kitchen counter, following the blonde with her gaze from her spot out of the way. She turned and smiled as Rachel stepped closer, wine glass in hand.

"Yeah, she does." Santana replied. "It's been a stressful few days getting back into the swing of city life but she looks like she's having a great time."

"Has she had trouble getting back into the routine?" Rachel asked, turning her own gaze out to the blonde who was currently laughing at some story Puck was telling while leaning into Quinn's side.

"It was great to see our families again but she's been a little overwhelmed." Santana said, glancing back to the shorter brunette. "She's a trooper though. I know she's looking forward to getting back to the studio but she's nervous too. I think even the traffic noise has her a little uneasy. But she's doing great."

"Of course she is." Rachel said with a firm nod. "You two are an amazing team Santana. I told you before and I will tell you again, there is nothing you two can't handle together. A true inspiration I must say."

"Easy Berry." Santana replied with a smirk. "Save all that enthusiasm for when you get your girl home alone."

Rachel blushed but smiled. She shook her head and laughed before she wandered back out to join the crowd while Santana kept her vigil. It wasn't until she saw the blonde's shoulders beginning to tense and her hands beginning to shake that Santana interrupted the party and pulled Brittany firmly to her side.

Their friends had been there for quite a while and she hoped Quinn and Rachel would understand the subtle hint of Santana steering Brittany into the kitchen and help wrap the party up. She wasn't disappointed as Rachel jumped up onto the couch and loudly declared that as the star of a new show, she needed her beauty rest and as a part of the cleanup crew, it was time for the festivities to end.

Quinn rolled her eyes but also began to usher people to the door, understanding Brittany needed a break. She and Rachel remained behind to help clean up the mess and hugged each woman tightly before leaving Santana and Brittany alone.

The blonde seemed slightly shell-shocked once they were alone in the apartment. "You ok babe?" Santana asked softly. "Was it too much too soon?"

Brittany smiled and shook her head. "No San, I'm ok. We're home, we're safe so I'm ok."

"We are." Santana affirmed. "We can have a quiet day tomorrow, just the two of us. You've had a lot to deal with since we got back. The party was a sweet idea and it was great to see everyone but I think we should have a day to ourselves. Sound good?"

Brittany smiled and nodded, clearly exhausted. "That sounds great San."

They slipped into bed a short time later. They settled comfortably against each other and before long they both drifted off to sleep. Santana was startled awake by Brittany thrashing and whimpering next to her a short time later. As Santana held her tightly and tried to calm her, she couldn't help but wonder how much longer their nights would continue in this way.

xxxx

_4 months later_

The bedroom was dark, even though it was light outside. The curtains had been closed for numerous days straight, keeping the outside world at bay. It was cool in the room, despite the last lingering heat of the fading summer. The ceiling fan sounded quietly above, continuously circulating the air throughout the tightly sealed room. The curtains shifted gently with the air.

Even in the heart of the city, the darkened room seemed untouched from the noise and chaos. It was still. It was mostly silent. Except for the fan and for her soft breathing.

It had been this way for a week. Maybe it wasn't quite a week, Brittany could no longer be certain. She just knew that it had been a long time since she had had the energy to do more than just breathe. Sometimes even managing that small task took more effort than she felt she could give.

Brittany was pretty sure that people could die from just sitting still too long. If they stopped eating and drinking, moving and talking…stopped living. Eventually they died. Maybe that's what had happened to her grandfather. She vaguely remembered visiting him when she was a child. The only memories she had of him were of him lying motionless in a hospital bed. He just stopped living after her grandmother died. At least that's what her parents had said.

Brittany wondered if that was what she wanted. If it would make it any easier. Because even simply breathing was beginning to hurt. She had long since run out of the strength to cry.

From time to time, Santana came in with food, coaxing, almost begging, her to eat. She would sometimes make small talk, about reviews from Rachel's hit play, about Kurt's fashion line picking up, about Mercedes' concert tour, about whether or not they should have Pizza for dinner.

Santana mostly honored Brittany's need for solitude and silence, simply sitting next to her while she ate and then clearing the plates away after. She seemed to know when it was ok to push the blonde to at least shower and when to leave her alone. Brittany would crawl out of bed and scald her skin with hot water before rubbing it raw. When she would return to the bedroom, she would find clean sheets on the bed and fresh pajamas folded neatly on the dresser. Santana would be gone, back to maintaining the life that Brittany had abandoned.

She had heard about the stages of grief or something along those lines, she just didn't realize the impact each stage could have in an of itself. It's the depression that follows a life-changing event that they hadn't been prepared for. Brittany had at first just been living day to day mostly from adrenaline and then fear. She could respond to the basics of life, that life that was now reorganized into "good" or "bad", "safe" or "unsafe".

The drugs had been there too, to keep the pain away and cushion the blow of reality. The crushing weight of life can't hold you down if you're flying high as a kite. And in those first few weeks, Brittany had been exactly that, high on medications and oblivious to all but the most basic of human responses.

She had even managed to function in that world. She could watch TV. She could talk to her therapist and friends and family. She could even make love to Santana. But mostly, she was living in a haze, as if stuck in a dream world. She was there but she wasn't.

When the pain faded, the drugs had become an option, and then even frowned upon. She was urged to face her troubles and release her crutch and so, the vacation ended. Real life resumed and she owed it to Santana to participate. Santana who had given up her own life and dropped everything to whisk her away and help make sure she healed and processed.

Quinn and Rachel tried to help coax her out of bed. Her parents came. Santana's parents came. They all came by often and fretted over her. Asked her not to give up. But they didn't understand, they couldn't. They didn't know. They didn't know how it felt when it happened…_it_, the thing that the blonde still had trouble naming.

Before _it_, back when she was still whole, those last remaining seconds before all she knew was shattered. She remembered the fear. It almost choked her, trying to breathe through it and survive. She had to survive for Santana, that's what she remembered thinking. Santana wouldn't be touched.

Brittany knew she had made the right choice and she would make it again in a second but the price…She could still feel the fear when _it_ became reality, that there really was no way to escape it. She remembered her body trembling with fear and rage as she tried to fight. She remembered the pain. She often tried to explain but she became frustrated when she couldn't find the right words.

Santana tried to understand but she couldn't, it wasn't possible. You couldn't unless it had happened to you. There had been no escaping _it_, that was the hard part. She remembered waiting to wake up from the nightmare; only it wasn't a nightmare. The only thing she could do was endure it and keep breathing. Survive for Santana.

In the end, all that mattered was protecting Santana. Brittany didn't understand things like numbers and certain words but she understood that what she wanted and needed in that moment were two different things. She wanted to curl up and hide or better yet run. But she needed to protect Santana. That was all that had mattered.

She remembered how hard it had been to breathe. It hadn't just been because of the blood trickling down her throat from her injuries, it was the fear and anticipation of what could happen next. What could happen to Santana.

Brittany hadn't thought the pain could get any worse. But she had been wrong. When it was over and she was left lying on the cold pavement, waiting for the next blow, her mind had been remarkably clear. She knew that no matter what, nothing would ever be the same. Whoever she was, if she would even still exist when it was all said and done, from that point on, everything had changed. Those men had changed it, changed her, and part of her wanted to die. Part of her still wanted to die.

The truth was, when it came down to it, if she died she wouldn't have to try to explain what Santana could never understand but so badly wanted to. It would be easier. The pain and the noise would stop. The screaming in her head, it was so loud. She understood now how people could kill themselves. Maybe they didn't want to die…maybe they just wanted the screaming inside to stop.

Brittany knew thoughts like those were scary and would hurt Santana but she couldn't stop her mind from wandering to those dark places. She had run out of tears in the stillness. She just felt empty.

Brittany heard the door handle turn. A small triangle of light spilled into the dark room before disappearing as the door was softly shut again. She heard soft footsteps padding across the plush carpet of the bedroom. She heard the soft rustle of sheets and then felt a warm body slide into bed behind her. She felt an arm drape over her waist and a hand slide down to press against her own. Their fingers threaded together while the other hand softly brushed blonde hair to the side leaving her neck exposed. She felt a kiss pressed to her jaw. She heard the soft sigh.

"Your sister called." Santana said quietly. "The kids want you to come to the park with them."

Brittany stared at the softly fluttering curtains without saying anything. She felt Santana tighten her grip and nuzzle into her soft blonde hair.

"They're leaving in about an hour." Santana continued. "I told them I'd go with them…and that I'd ask you to come. Your niece and nephew are pretty crazy about you ya know. They miss you."

Brittany sighed somewhat sadly. "I guess it has been a while since I've seen them."

"Yeah." Santana replied, pressing another kiss to the blonde's pale neck. "Quinn called too. She's got a few days off coming up and she wants to take Rachel away somewhere for a weekend when the show breaks. They want us to come too."

"Really?" Brittany asked, surprised. "Are you sure it's not a romantic thing for them?"

Santana chuckled and squeezed tighter. "So what if it is? You know Quinn will splurge for a double suite or even a house somewhere. We won't bother them at all. Unless we just clearly blow them away with our awesome sexy times and who are we kidding, we totally will. But they love us so they'll forgive us."

Brittany managed a soft laugh. "I think they've learned from the best, they seem to be doing just fine."

"Yeah. They try. But we both know they can only hope to be as awesome as us."

Brittany smiled and nodded before her eyes drifted closed. She could feel Santana's heart beating against her back and their breathing soon settled into a steady rhythm. She felt warm where their bodies were touching and she remembered again why she made the choice she had.

Brittany felt the body behind her shift and she cracked her eyes open to see Santana propped up on one elbow and gazing down at her with a soft smile. For the first time in possibly two days, they made eye contact.

"Hey there." Santana said softly.

"Hi San." Brittany replied, reaching to brush dark hair away from her shoulder.

"Come to the park with us." Santana lifted her hand and cupped Brittany's cheek. "When we get back, I'll even make your favorite macaroni and cheese, the one in the blue box, dinosaur shapes and all."

"San I…" Brittany sighed, unsure of what to say. She actually imagined kicking herself in her mind as she saw Santana's bottom lip quiver slightly. Deep, dark brown eyes teared.

"Brittany, I'm not going anywhere, you know that. But…I need you." She whispered. "I need you."

"Sanny, I just want it to stop. The screaming…it's so loud in my head. I just want it to stop." Brittany whined, raising her hands to cover her ears.

Santana's heart clenched. "I know baby." She murmured. "But if you stay in here all alone, you won't hear anything else. Please come to the park with us…with me."

When Brittany made no move to leave the bed, Santana sighed and pressed her lips to the blonde's forehead. She slipped from the bed and tucked the blanket tightly back around Brittany's bone thin frame.

Santana let the tears leak as she cast a longing glance over her shoulder before slipping out of the dark bedroom. Seeing Brittany so motionless and lifeless was taking a toll on the Latina. Brittany who before couldn't be still for more than two minutes without twirling or bouncing in her seat now remained in the same exact position for days on end. Santana wasn't certain the blonde would ever actually get out of bed without her gentle prodding to at least shower.

Santana was watching Brittany slip further and further away and had no idea what to do to stop it. After everything they had survived and coped with, it seemed almost anticlimactic for the blonde to be left in the position she was now in. They had made such good strides at the lake house and even upon their return to their apartment. But now, it seemed reality was crushing them both.

Brittany kept her eyes tightly closed as she heard the bedroom door shut softly. She listened as their balcony door slid open. She could imagine Santana lounging out on a chair overlooking the city. It was Santana's favorite spot.

She heard soft music drift through the air. It was a classical orchestra piece, which would have surprised anyone but those who actually knew the brunette well. Brittany smiled sadly knowing this was the music Santana turned to when she was upset or worried.

Brittany could hear the soft music flowing and could picture Santana, head back, eyes closed, letting the music calm and comfort her. _That should be my job,_ the blonde thought. She continued to listen to life going on without her.

She heard traffic in the distance; she heard laughter from one of the neighboring apartments. And she heard Santana humming along to the tune. Life was leaving her behind; she was missing it. She realized she was letting those men win, letting _it_ win.

The weight of what she was missing out on pressed down on Brittany even more than the reality of what she had lost. It was a waste. She knew she wasn't the smartest at a lot of things but Brittany knew without a doubt she was wasting what she had given up so much to protect.

She was almost surprised to realize that she did in fact have more tears left to cry. She sobbed into the pillow silently, her body trembling. Brittany refused to call for Santana; she knew she needed to step out on her own. If for no other reason than it would be the only way she could be strong enough for Santana, to finally step out on her own.

Brittany hiccupped as the tears finally stopped. She tiredly wiped her face and sighed. She was pretty sure she was at the bottom. And from the bottom, there really was only way to go and that was up.

She didn't want to get up. She didn't want to go back to living, to breathing, eating. She wanted to remain in bed and just wait and hope that the frantic screaming in her head would end. But the thought of Santana alone on the balcony with nothing but music to help ease her pain wouldn't let Brittany remain where she was any longer.

So, with Santana's face in her mind, Brittany groaned and pulled herself upright. Her stiff muscles ached from lack of use and she fought a wave of fear and dizziness as she slowly and stiffly rose to her feet.

Brittany shuffled out of the bedroom and into the living room where the sunlight was filtering in through the open balcony door. She stopped and let her gaze linger on Santana sitting in a chair just as she imagined her. Head back and eyes closed as the music continued to flow. But she looked troubled and Brittany frowned at the sight. Dark circles were surrounding her eyes and she had her arms crossed tightly around herself.

Brittany knew she had remained lifeless long enough. Her girl, her life, was right in front of her, waiting for her and she didn't want to miss anymore. She cleared her throat awkwardly.

"San, can we take bread with us to the park to feed the ducks?"

The smile Santana graced the blonde with as she turned from her seat and saw Brittany standing inside the doorway could have lit up their old high school auditorium. Brittany felt a warmth swell and she found herself returning the smile, just as widely.

"Baby, we can take the whole damn loaf."

Santana rose to her feet and stepped closer to the blonde. Brittany laughed and held out her arms, quickly engulfing the brunette in a fierce embrace.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N – Ok, here it is. I'm so sorry for taking so long to get this last chapter up. Turns out light and fluffy, is harder to write than angst sometimes. It's so light and fluffy that it's almost ridiculous, like eating cotton candy light and fluffy. Thank you so much for sticking with me and for all the reviews and alerts. I really, really appreciate it and you all are awesome. Thanks again!

Chapter 8

(Epilogue-an undetermined amount of time after Chapter 7)

"Santana Lopez! I know you are not having sex in a broom closet ten minutes before my wedding ceremony!"

Santana startled slightly as the door to the closet was wrenched open. Her breath was still coming in slight pants as she came down from her orgasmic high. She growled.

"Berry, you are so lucky you didn't open that door even 30 seconds sooner or I'd seriously have to cut you."

"Watch it Santana, that's my soon to be wife you're threatening." Quinn's voice sounded behind Rachel's. "Brittany Pierce, if I didn't love you so much, I'd kick your ass right now. Seriously? You're having sex right now?"

Brittany pulled her hand from between Santana's legs and helped smooth down her bridesmaid dress.

"But we're Brittany and Santana, its kind of what we do." Brittany deadpanned, looking both Rachel and Quinn squarely in the eye.

Quinn found it difficult to remain angry when standing there, watching Santana and Brittany holding each other tightly. She quirked a brow and pulled the closet door open wider, beckoning the two women out into the hallway.

"Seriously," she said with a wry grin, "Rachel and I are getting married in ten minutes, you two think you could control yourselves long enough to see us become official before you go at it in the bathrooms?"

Brittany giggled and buried her head in Santana's neck as Rachel glared and Quinn simply smirked. Santana slipped a hand under her matching bridesmaid gown and palmed her ass, giving it a loving squeeze.

"We'll see what we can do." Santana replied with a smirk of her own.

Rachel squawked and flailed her arms. "Santana! You two were supposed to be with the photographer a half an hour ago to finish having pictures taken. Now, not only have Quinn and I seen each other before our vows which is completely contradictory to tradition, we are running behind on our photos."

Brittany shook her head with a smirk. "Rachel, I don't know much but I'm pretty sure you and Quinn are not exactly a traditional couple. You're both girls, you're Jewish and Quinn is Catholic, you're Gemini and Quinn is Capricorn, you won't eat meat and Quinn can't go a day without bacon. And you've been together having sex in every free room all day. Even when the minister was looking for you to make sure your vows were right."

Santana laughed. "Mmhmm. Preach. We almost beat you to that empty choir room about an hour ago by the way. Don't think you were being quiet, I'm pretty sure your grandmother has a whole new impression of you there Quinnie."

Quinn paled slightly. Before she could reply, her mother came rushing around the corner. "Quinn, Rachel! There you are. Quit fooling around you two, you'd think you didn't care that you're about to get married in a few minutes. Honestly. Santana, Brittany, thank you for finding them. Come on now girls, get a move on!"

Rachel glared again as Santana and Brittany escaped blame. Quinn just rolled her eyes as the two smirked and followed Mrs. Fabray.

"How do they do it?" Rachel hissed, falling in alongside Quinn. "It's like that time in Glee when they almost made us miss the Nationals competition because they were having sex in the back of the taxi and I once again took the blame because I was simply greeting a fellow Broadway enthusiast."

"Rachel." Quinn interrupted with a smile. "Shut up and marry me."

Rachel's face immediately softened when she realized they had stopped outside the doors to the sanctuary and the processional was about to begin. She smiled widely as she cupped Quinn's cheek. Santana and Brittany were giggling behind them.

Quinn took her spot on her mother's arm and Rachel slipped between her two dads as they waited for their moment to enter. The sanctuary was designed with two aisles leading to the altar and the two had decided to enter together. Brittany and Santana were likewise walking down the two aisles together to take their places as the bridesmaids. Tina and Mercedes were already halfway to the altar.

Brittany smiled sweetly and winked at Santana before they both started down the aisles. They faced each other on opposite sides of the altar, smiling widely as the music changed and the two sets of doors opened, revealing the two brides.

Santana barely kept her composure due to the looks Brittany was giving her from her spot on the opposite side of Quinn and Rachel. The Latina clenched her jaw and tried to remain focused on the ceremony but the devilish smirk on Brittany's face was causing her own face to flush.

When the blonde ran her tongue over her lips Santana had to swallow a moan. Quinn's quirked brow and narrowed eyes quickly sobered the brunette however.

The congregation stood with applause as the two brides kissed and stood hand in hand. Brittany and Santana laughed and clapped along with the crowd as the two made their way out. Santana was beaming as she stepped up to Brittany and took her hand to escort her back down the aisle. The blonde returned Santana's proud smile and they made their way back toward the waiting room where Quinn and Rachel were no doubt already celebrating.

"I'm ready to get my dance on." Brittany said excitedly as they burst into the room.

Santana laughed and pulled her closer. "Me too babe. But we'd better behave just long enough to finish up these pictures. I don't think even Rachel's wife could protect us if we don't cooperate."

"That's right!" came the mumbled response from Rachel across the room.

Brittany pouted slightly but was smiling again as she made her way to the two newly weds and threw an arm around both of them. "Congratulations! We promise to behave. It'll be like our wedding gift since we forgot to actually get you one."

"Britt." Santana scolded. "We got them a gift, we just decided we needed it more remember?"

Brittany looked confused before responding. "You mean that thing you brought home last week that made you come like three times in ten minutes and broke the headboard?"

Rachel paled and Quinn looked intrigued. Santana just smirked. "No B, not that thing. That was always just for us. I'm talking about the gazebo we bought for them."

"You bought us a gazebo?" Rachel said, instantly in a brighter mood. "That would look amazing in our back yard. You guys are the best!"

"We are the best." Santana said with a nod. "But we decided it looked better in our backyard. We'll get you another one."

"You guys don't have a backyard." Quinn said shaking her head. "You have an apartment in the city remember?"

"Well…" Brittany replied, rocking on her heels, barely containing her excitement. "We had an apartment in the city. But with you guys moving into the suburbs we thought someone should be close by to keep an eye on you. So we bought a house too. Like right around the corner from you guys."

"Seriously?" Quinn exclaimed. "That is amazing you guys! We're so happy for you!"

"Yes." Rachel agreed. "We can safely say that we're thrilled that you will be so close in proximity to us. But can we please get back to more pressing matters…us for instance? Quinn and I just got married. Let's focus shall we?"

Santana laughed as Rachel huffed. "Of course hobbit, this is your day. Let's get on with this deal already. My girl wants to dance."

xxxx

Santana watched with a wide grin as Brittany and Mike were in the middle of a heated dance off. The rest of the guests at the wedding reception had cleared space and were cheering the two on. The blonde had kicked her heels off and in the flowing gown, Santana couldn't help but be mesmerized by the sight her laughing and twirling.

When the song ended, Brittany was panting and laughing as she and Mike made a beeline for the punch table.

"You know that's spiked right?" Santana said with a laugh as she slid behind the blonde and wrapped her arms around her waist.

Brittany spun in the brunette's arms and hugged her tightly. "Awesome. We'll get him tipsy and then I'll totally kick his ass on round four of our dance off."

"I'm on to you Britt!" Mike replied with a mock frown. He pulled Tina close to his side and pressed a kiss to her temple. "Did you hear that babe? They want to get me drunk."

"Eh, you're a fun drunk." Tina smirked. "I think I'm on their side on this one."

The sound of Quinn's mother announcing it was time for the bouquet toss interrupted them and Brittany and Tina began to clap and giggle. Santana just shook her head and groaned.

"Come on Britt," Tina laughed, grabbing the blonde's hand. "Let's go catch us a bouquet. We need to team up against the twelve year olds and the old maids."

Santana laughed as Tina and Brittany took the positions in the front. Tina squatted into what could only be called a "sumo wrestler" stance while Brittany appeared to be jogging in place to prepare.

"Our women are nuts." She muttered to Mike. "But stinking adorable."

He could only nod in agreement.

Quinn took her place in front of the group, Rachel cheering from the sidelines. Santana and Mike edged closer to Rachel and began to cheer along with her. The movement caught Brittany's eye and she smiled widely and waived excitedly toward Santana.

"Hi San!"

She was still smiling and waiving to the Latina when the bouquet landed squarely against her chest and dropped into her free hand. Quinn and Tina engulfed her in a hug before Brittany even realized she had caught the bouquet.

"What does this mean?" Brittany asked, pulling away from her friends. "I forget."

Quinn laughed and pulled her tightly to her side. "Ask Santana." She whispered into her ear. Brittany nodded solemnly. Tina just laughed.

They made their way to where their respective partners were waiting. Santana pulled Brittany into a hug.

"Congratulations babe!"

"But San, what's so great about catching this thing?" Brittany asked. "I mean, of course it shows how awesome my skills are and everything…sorry Tina. But why does everyone want it? They're just flowers. But they're beautiful flowers Quinn."

Santana quirked a brow as their friends stood around giggling and waiting for her answer. Quinn nudged her with a laugh. "Go on San, explain it to her."

Santana felt her cheeks blush. "Well Britt…tradition is…well whoever catches it…it means you're going to be the next one to get married." She ended in a rush.

Brittany's eyes widened. "Really? Awesome. As long as it's to you anyway…"

Without another thought, Brittany grabbed Mike's hand and pulled him back to the dance floor declaring the start of round four of the dance off. Quinn and Rachel settled on either side of Santana.

"You do realize she's going to remember this at some random time and will be determined that the two of you get married because the flowers said so don't you?" Quinn said, linking her arm with Santana's.

"Yeah." Santana replied with a sigh. "That random time will probably be when I'm trying to get my mack on too and talking is the last thing on my mind. And then I'll be on the couch until I can make it up to her or she gets cold without me to snuggle with."

Rachel linked with Santana's free arm. "Face it Santana, you might as well go ahead and acknowledge the fact that you will soon be joining us in wedded bliss. The fates have spoken; the bouquet has been caught. Brittany won't take no for an answer now."

Santana nodded thoughtfully. "You're right. Good thing I made the final payment on the ring and picked it up last week."

"You what?" Quinn exclaimed. "Santana are you serious?"

Santana nodded again and laughed at her friends' expressions. "Yep, I figured it was time she made an honest woman out of me. I've always known we'd get married…life just seemed to get into the way there for a while. But now, I can't think of anything I'd rather do."

"Santana, you sap. You're going to make me cry on my wedding day." Quinn said with a slight sniffle. Santana smiled and leaned over, pressing a kiss to the blonde's cheek.

"I just have one thing to ask Santana." Rachel said seriously. "Please do not propose tonight and steal our thunder. That would just be tacky."

Santana and Quinn both groaned. "Don't worry dwarf, I wouldn't dream of taking attention away from you on your big day." The Latina responded with a scowl and quick elbow jab.

Rachel chuckled. "I'm so glad we understand each other Santana. Who would have thought…all those years ago in Glee club that we would end up here, friends, bridesmaids in each other's weddings? Its quite heart warming."

"Who said anything about you being a bridesmaid in our wedding?" Santana replied with a serious expression.

Rachel's face fell. "I…well…"

"Rachel?" Quinn said with a smirk. "Baby relax, she's teasing you. Aren't you Santana?"

Santana laughed, both at Rachel's expression and the robot dance moves Brittany was currently performing on the dance floor. "Of course I am." She squeezed their arms where they were linked with her own. She sighed. "We…I don't know what we would do without you guys. I can't ever thank you for what you did for her…for us."

Quinn dropped her head to Santana's shoulder as the brunette sniffled. "We love you guys San, we'd do anything for you two."

"As I said, who would have ever thought we would be here. Witnessing Santana Lopez getting choked up and showing emotions other than anger and snarkiness." Rachel said with a cheeky grin once Santana had regained her composure.

Santana groaned. "Fuck you Berry. Excuse me, Berry-Fabray. Shouldn't you be mingling or something? Go dance with your wife or something and leave me in peace."

Rachel laughed loudly and gave her one last squeeze before slipping away and heading for the dance floor. Quinn pulled Santana in for a hug. "I love you and your sappiness Santana. Now go dance with your soon to be fiancé. She's been watching us and I'm pretty sure she's getting worried about you."

Santana laughed and glanced over her shoulder where sure enough, Brittany was watching them with a concerned expression. Quinn winked and wandered off to join Rachel. Santana headed toward her blonde with a smile on her face.

Brittany reached and pulled Santana close as the song changed to a slower tune. "Are you ok San? That looked like serious talk. I don't think that's allowed at weddings."

"Oh really?" Santana asked with a laugh. "Are you a wedding expert now?"

"Well I did catch the flowers. I think that totally makes me an expert."

Santana nodded in agreement and dropped her head to Brittany's shoulder, kissing below her ear. The blonde tightened her grip as they swayed to the music.

"So, are you?" Brittany whispered softly. "Ok I mean."

Santana pulled back and gazed deeply into bright, sparkling blue eyes. She smiled widely. "Yeah Britt. I'm more than ok. You're here with me, healthy and happy. We've got an amazing life with amazing friends. And I'm so completely in love with you that I can't even describe it. So yeah, I'm wonderful baby."

Brittany's laughed in delight and tightened her hold again. "I love you too San. You make me happier than I deserve or could have ever dreamed of being back when we were kids playing princess and the unicorn."

They continued to dance, holding each other close until Brittany spoke up again. "San?"

"Yeah babe?"

"Do you really think it's true that we'll get married next since I was super awesome and caught the bouquet without even trying?"

Santana laughed. "Ya know, I do think it's true. I just have a feeling about it."

"Yeah?" Brittany replied, clearly excited.

"Yeah Britt. In fact, I might have a surprise waiting on you when we get home."

Brittany's face lit up. "You mean you're going to let me use that thing we bought again? I know you said we needed to let it rest after we broke the headboard but it was really fun."

Santana blushed again. "Sure baby, as long as we don't get too carried away. But that's not quite the surprise I was thinking of. You'll see though."

"Is it a puppy?"

"A what?" Santana exclaimed. "No Britt, I didn't get you a puppy."

Brittany frowned. "Blast. But you think I'll like it? You know me better than anyone so if you think I'll like the surprise then I'm sure I will. Besides, I always like anything you give me. Except that one time you gave me mono."

Santana chuckled. "Yeah, I think you'll like it, at least I hope you will. And our new toy will be just what we need to celebrate after too."

"Awesome." Brittany replied, pulling Santana close again. "San?"

"Yeah Britt?"

"I'll totally say yes if you ask." The blonde said softly.

Santana pulled back again to meet Brittany's gaze. Both smiled, almost shyly. "I'll keep that in mind. Let's talk about it when we get home ok? Otherwise, we might spoil the surprise and Rachel will kill us for stealing attention away from them yet again on their big day."

Brittany laughed and nodded. Santana knew she would never get tired of the sound. "Ok San, I'll try to wait until we get home. But how much longer is this thing going to last? I really want to get home and play."

Santana moaned slightly at the purr in Brittany's voice and swallowed thickly. "We have to stay until Quinn and Rachel leave. But…what do you say we go put that bathroom down the hall to good use?"

Brittany giggled and practically dragged Santana off of the dance floor. Quinn and Rachel watched them leave and just shook their heads with a laugh.

"They will never change will they?" Rachel asked softly.

Quinn watched as the door closed behind the two before turning back to her wife. "I certainly hope not." She pulled Rachel closer and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips as the music played on.

A/N - There you have it, the end. Thanks so much for sticking with me. Again, I don't own anything related to Glee...except every CD and DVD. The title is from a Big and Rich song, Stolen Halo. I don't own that either. Thanks again. I really do appreciate you all sticking with through this story.


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